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#1
May 14, 2006, 12:20 PM
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For those who wonder how to feel on this day.
We are to celebrate mothers...but what if yours was abusive? or neglectful, or hurtful in any way? Do you love them despite this? Isn't it confusing? This thread is for you who grieve the mother they wish they had. Emmy |
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#2
May 14, 2006, 12:58 PM
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It's a hard place to be, isn't it?
It's not mother's day here in the uk (we have ours before Easter) but your words are very thoughtful and appropriate nonetheless, Emily. I try to focus on the mothering I had and have from other women in my life. It's hard though, and, like you, my thoughts are with those for whom mother's day is painful. |
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#3
May 14, 2006, 01:03 PM
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Today is Mother's Day...but there is no rule to say that you have to honor your very own mother.
I sent a Mother's Day card to a teacher I had in third grade who became like my mother. I am now 37 and she has been very influential in my life. She has always supported me. She has always been there. Maybe you too can celebrate the day with the women who have been maternal to you? I haven't sent my own mom a card in years because I don't wish to say the sweet things to her.
__________________
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#4
May 14, 2006, 03:40 PM
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Although many people loved my mom, at times she was neglectful, not too maternal in the ways I needed her to be, and I wished I had that.
Unfortunately, my mother revealed those things just before she died and in one swoop became all I wanted too late...
__________________
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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#5
May 14, 2006, 06:34 PM
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Hi Lexi -
Your post on your Mom is so powerful. I'm sorry everything you wanted came at the end. Did that leave you feeling frustrated? My mother was emotionally abusive and controlling, but wonderful in a lot of other ways. Darn -- I wish I could stop missing her. EJ |
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#6
May 14, 2006, 06:36 PM
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Emmy -
What a great thread -- thanks!! I was watching Biography this week on Mary Tyler Moore. Evidently, her mother had a drinking problem, and they said that MTM's mother's behavior left Mary feeling confused. Until that moment, I never realized that I felt that way, and here you are reinforcing that emotion as well. EJ |
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#7
May 14, 2006, 09:36 PM
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I feel guilty for not wanting to honor my mother. I'm not supposed to complain and have a bad attitude, so I'm not supposed to say it anymore. But I sang a song for church with the choir, about mother always being there, ... and thought I should have felt something, but that song just wasn't about my mother. And I feel guilty for not being a good mother either. T wants me to see how I use and mistreat people, and as much as I hate it and never intentionally wanted to use and mistreat people and be selfish, I can see it. I haven't been a good mother. Most of the time I hurt too much and felt trapped and resented being trapped because I never had a break from the kids and couldn't do anything. Now I'm a workaholic and don't have enough time for them. I have no right to think my mother wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough either, no matter what anyone says.
Rap
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#8
May 15, 2006, 10:09 AM
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Emily,
Thank you for this post...... yes it is very confusing....... having an emotionally abusive, physically abusive and neglectful mother could have left me not knowing how to feel or how to be---- however---- I was a "watcher"..... in that I mean, I watched the neighbor kid's mothers and TV mothers and realized what a mother should be. I used to wish I was part of any of those families I watched and made it a goal in my life to be one of those mothers. Even though I can't celebrate my own mother, mothering me---- I celebrate the concept of being a "mother" and all that goes with it-- the nurturing, compassion and gentleness. --- Rapunzel--- your post was so honest and touching, thank you for sharing. Also, please know-- if you feel you haven't been as good of a mom as you could be--- it's not too late, it's never too late. I believe in you!  To all mothers and also those that resonate motherhood--- ***sorry, I'm a day late on this!!  ***
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#9
May 15, 2006, 02:20 PM
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this is a wonderful thread. I always thought I was the only one with an abusive mother. she died almost 13 yrs ago. when she died I had so many emotions flowing at one time! Relief that she could never hurt me ever again, hurt that she didn't love me like a mother should, pain that she was gone and there would never be a chance for us to have a good relationship. lately I have even wished I could talk to her. let her know things that are going on in my life, but I don't know why I would even think I could tell her things. she always put them down no matter what or how good it was. she could never be happy for me. sorry didn't mean to highjack.
__________________
He who angers you controls you! |
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