[BrokenNBeautiful]

I have been going to a face to face support group for persons with mental health challenges for the past year.

I have to stop going.

Number one: They have a rule that you can't talk about your childhood and my emotional problems are from that. It's really awkward to talk about anxiety and social phobia when I can't mention abuse history!

Number two: The room has been getting very very crowded with some very unruly young men and that's very very triggery for me. I cannot sit next to men ANYWHERE, on the bus, in a room, or ANYWHERE, unless I really know them and trust them not to do any funny stuff.

The people in this group are not very understanding about my problem. In face, earlier in the year, while I was at a bereavement group (dealing with the death of my aunt) they almost kicked me out because I could not sit in a small intimate circle next to men. "If you can't handle it, you need to leave." the therapist said.

So I left.

I did not want to be kicked out of this other group, so I told the lady tonight, "I can't keep coming to a group that does not validate the origin of my social phobia or my PTSD/depression. I am happy to talk about "present issues" but if I can't share from any reference point AND if I have to sit by some unruly men I don't know, I cannot stay here."

She told me she wanted me to stay, but that she could not do anything about this. She said she could not control who sat by me. Also the rules are not hers. I understood that, but still had to leave.

I need to feel safe in groups now. I can't believe that ppl still don't understand what survivors go through! That SA can be so pervasive that it still affects ppl this way. To the point where I can't function around ppl sometimes.

Also, having been "programmed" into believing that I cannot have any other relationship than one where a man can do whatever the f he wants to me, I still can't tell a man to "move his foot" or "move his hand", so I have to just make sure they are not less than 3 to 5 ft away from me.

I feel so limited now.

This will isolate me more from my community.

I can't drive and I have no driving friends, so no other real groups to go to now, except online.

Ani (my mentor) told me to try women's AA meetings and Al anon, might be more validating and safe.

But I will miss this group that I've been going to for a year now.

I can't sit by men.

I can't have boundaries.

And no one will make me feel safe there.

And they make fun of me, call me a drama queen. They don't like that I don't use psych meds for my anxiety; I want to face my SA issues without drugs. They don't approve of me not seeing a pdoc, either. But meds make me sick; I am very sensitive to them, too. And so many pdocs have let me down and abused me as well.

So this leaves me feeling isolated again.

I really wish there were more survivor support groups in my city on the bus lines and free that met during the day!

B.

I, for one, am glad that you are respecting your own boundaries ... !!!

Good Job!



I also have difficulty with groups, and it does limit us to an extent ... But, I think it's most empowering to not accept that we have to settle for something that isn't a good fit for us ... That, too, is healing in its own way ... Whether we realize it at the time or not ... !!!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

I, for one, am glad that you are respecting your own boundaries ... !!!

Good Job!



I also have difficulty with groups, and it does limit us to an extent ... But, I think it's most empowering to not accept that we have to settle for something that isn't a good fit for us ... That, too, is healing in its own way ... Whether we realize it at the time or not ... !!!

I am really going to miss them. It was going to be my "practice ground" for human interaction. But no. It's not a good fit. It doesn't feel safe. Being called a drama queen, being sat so close to by men I don't know, etc. Feels like I am in another abuse situation, even though that woman assured me that I was safe there. I told her I did not feel that way.

thanks,

Carol

[LostMom3]

I have been in several different group therapies and never was I told that I had to do something that made me uncomfortable. We were always told to respect each others boundaries. I am sorry you had such a bad experience

[Sannah]

Looking into the women's AA and al-anon sounds like a good idea.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

a gay AA meeting is also an option. They don't usually bother me.

[notablackbarbie]

That group does not sound supportive period. Which kinda defeats the point, despite the familiarity.
Unfortunately, I also understand where the facilitators are coming from...a history of abuse can be hard to deal with in a group, where the other members have their own issues too. It IS a lot in that setting.

I was in an outpatient program, where my caseworker told me that similar rules were in place. Since it was connected to a hospital focused on the care of each patient, there was some leeway (couldn't just be like "your treatment ends NOW because of *this* limit")...yet she saw that I was strugging with a lot in the past IMPACING the present too. So she also refered me to another group when I was done treatment THAT SPECIFICALLY FOCUSED on abuse. I've just started that 1 now...

Would it be possibly to find support groups in your area with that focus?

I'm sorry your struggling right now...

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I have been going to a face to face support group for persons with mental health challenges for the past year.

I have to stop going.

Number one: They have a rule that you can't talk about your childhood and my emotional problems are from that. It's really awkward to talk about anxiety and social phobia when I can't mention abuse history!

Number two: The room has been getting very very crowded with some very unruly young men and that's very very triggery for me. I cannot sit next to men ANYWHERE, on the bus, in a room, or ANYWHERE, unless I really know them and trust them not to do any funny stuff.

The people in this group are not very understanding about my problem. In face, earlier in the year, while I was at a bereavement group (dealing with the death of my aunt) they almost kicked me out because I could not sit in a small intimate circle next to men. "If you can't handle it, you need to leave." the therapist said.

So I left.

I did not want to be kicked out of this other group, so I told the lady tonight, "I can't keep coming to a group that does not validate the origin of my social phobia or my PTSD/depression. I am happy to talk about "present issues" but if I can't share from any reference point AND if I have to sit by some unruly men I don't know, I cannot stay here."

She told me she wanted me to stay, but that she could not do anything about this. She said she could not control who sat by me. Also the rules are not hers. I understood that, but still had to leave.

I need to feel safe in groups now. I can't believe that ppl still don't understand what survivors go through! That SA can be so pervasive that it still affects ppl this way. To the point where I can't function around ppl sometimes.

Also, having been "programmed" into believing that I cannot have any other relationship than one where a man can do whatever the f he wants to me, I still can't tell a man to "move his foot" or "move his hand", so I have to just make sure they are not less than 3 to 5 ft away from me.

I feel so limited now.

This will isolate me more from my community.

I can't drive and I have no driving friends, so no other real groups to go to now, except online.

Ani (my mentor) told me to try women's AA meetings and Al anon, might be more validating and safe.

But I will miss this group that I've been going to for a year now.

I can't sit by men.

I can't have boundaries.

And no one will make me feel safe there.

And they make fun of me, call me a drama queen. They don't like that I don't use psych meds for my anxiety; I want to face my SA issues without drugs. They don't approve of me not seeing a pdoc, either. But meds make me sick; I am very sensitive to them, too. And so many pdocs have let me down and abused me as well.

So this leaves me feeling isolated again.

I really wish there were more survivor support groups in my city on the bus lines and free that met during the day!

B.

I'm sorry this happened. AA for women might be more affirming. I can understand . There is no excuse for abuse in those settings. Do you have your own T?

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I am really going to miss them. It was going to be my "practice ground" for human interaction. But no. It's not a good fit. It doesn't feel safe. Being called a drama queen, being sat so close to by men I don't know, etc. Feels like I am in another abuse situation, even though that woman assured me that I was safe there. I told her I did not feel that way.

thanks,

Carol

Wow, I am surprised that they are running things this way!Where I go, there are strict rules about how we are to conduct ourselves in group settings, we are allowed to talk about our childhood if we need to, and they would never force you to sit next to someone who is making you uncomfortable! What really gets me is that they are allowed to call you a drama queen--they are supposed to be required to be respectful towards the patients.

[JLarissaDragon]

Thee group you describe does not sound supportive at all. In fact somewhat the opposite. Reality is you need to find one that works for you. I have found the safest and most helpful groups are around churches. I went to one previously at the local hospital and it was dreadful. Finally I am now going to one sponsored by a recovery ministry in the area this really affirming and helpful. Don't give up though but find the one tht fits your needs and in which you feel comfortable. In this area one size definitely does not fit all

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by JLarissaDragon

Thee group you describe does not sound supportive at all. In fact somewhat the opposite. Reality is you need to find one that works for you. I have found the safest and most helpful groups are around churches. I went to one previously at the local hospital and it was dreadful. Finally I am now going to one sponsored by a recovery ministry in the area this really affirming and helpful. Don't give up though but find the one tht fits your needs and in which you feel comfortable. In this area one size definitely does not fit all

I'm a Christian, but personally, I prefer a more secular approach. I used to try to stick to more church based type counseling, and none of it ever helped. A lot of it was pretty much trying to indoctrinate me with their personal beliefs about God, or telling me to "rebuke" my illness! One Christian counseler I used to go to would tell me to sit with my eyes closed and keep telling myself that I never went through the things that I did. It was always about me not reading the right scriptures at the rite time, me not praying enough or correctly, not going to the right church or not going enough, not giving enough money to the church, I wasn't being submissive enough to my abusive husband, that all my problems would go away if I forgave him for beating the crap out of me, etc. It was never about actually helping me.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I'm a Christian, but personally, I prefer a more secular approach. I used to try to stick to more church based type counseling, and none of it ever helped. A lot of it was pretty much trying to indoctrinate me with their personal beliefs about God, or telling me to "rebuke" my illness! One Christian counseler I used to go to would tell me to sit with my eyes closed and keep telling myself that I never went through the things that I did. It was always about me not reading the right scriptures at the rite time, me not praying enough or correctly, not going to the right church or not going enough, not giving enough money to the church, I wasn't being submissive enough to my abusive husband, that all my problems would go away if I forgave him for beating the crap out of me, etc. It was never about actually helping me.

Holy crap.

[Mama Char-Lee]

I am not a feminist, but I have issues with being around men in general as well. Then again, I have an extreeeeeemly hard time being around groups of people, so I might not be a very good person to take any kind of advice from, but I would think your group leader would be a little more understanding! Perhaps the AA for ladies is better. At least there, they can rehash all sorts of stuff, or so I've heard. I think it would be kind of cool to have an all-ladies club (without the whole lesbian/sex/hatred of men angle). I don't necessarily *hate* all men, after all, I'm married and have a son. I just don't trust any other man, since they've never once given me a reason not to.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Mama Char-Lee

I am not a feminist, but I have issues with being around men in general as well. Then again, I have an extreeeeeemly hard time being around groups of people, so I might not be a very good person to take any kind of advice from, but I would think your group leader would be a little more understanding! Perhaps the AA for ladies is better. At least there, they can rehash all sorts of stuff, or so I've heard. I think it would be kind of cool to have an all-ladies club (without the whole lesbian/sex/hatred of men angle). I don't necessarily *hate* all men, after all, I'm married and have a son. I just don't trust any other man, since they've never once given me a reason not to.

I don't think we have to be bona fide feminists to understand how women are subverted so much.

And I live with a man roommate, my mentor is a man, and Andy, my former bf is of course a man.

I am just sick of being s*x*ally harrassed, and of men who think it's open season to hit on women all the time!

thanks,

Carol

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

I'm a Christian, but personally, I prefer a more secular approach. I used to try to stick to more church based type counseling, and none of it ever helped. A lot of it was pretty much trying to indoctrinate me with their personal beliefs about God, or telling me to "rebuke" my illness! One Christian counseler I used to go to would tell me to sit with my eyes closed and keep telling myself that I never went through the things that I did. It was always about me not reading the right scriptures at the rite time, me not praying enough or correctly, not going to the right church or not going enough, not giving enough money to the church, I wasn't being submissive enough to my abusive husband, that all my problems would go away if I forgave him for beating the crap out of me, etc. It was never about actually helping me.

I tell myself all the time that it's not Christians I am scared of, it's the way many Christian use their religion to hurt or subvert women and other ppl not in power.

Carol

A lot of Christian groups don't do that. Go to one meeting...if's it's obvious it's not for you walk out. As a general rule though this isn't always true, Catholic, Lutheran, Orthodox, Episcopalians have a tendancy of being more open to others...they often have more outreach groups and charities that are geared towards anyone who needs the help regardless of their background while Baptist, Methodist have a tendancy of being more conservative in their beliefs and saying that they want to "save" you. I am not saying that as a criticism against any churches..that is just my observation and it's not going to be true with all churches. I know it's hard, but you can't base your experiences at one or two church groups to what they are all like. You might just have to look for a while for a group that works for you. Don't get frustrated. It may take a while, but you'll find one.....whether it be AA or a church group or what. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Maranara

A lot of Christian groups don't do that. Go to one meeting...if's it's obvious it's not for you walk out. As a general rule though this isn't always true, Catholic, Lutheran, Orthodox, Episcopalians have a tendancy of being more open to others...they often have more outreach groups and charities that are geared towards anyone who needs the help regardless of their background while Baptist, Methodist have a tendancy of being more conservative in their beliefs and saying that they want to "save" you. I am not saying that as a criticism against any churches..that is just my observation and it's not going to be true with all churches. I know it's hard, but you can't base your experiences at one or two church groups to what they are all like. You might just have to look for a while for a group that works for you. Don't get frustrated. It may take a while, but you'll find one.....whether it be AA or a church group or what. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences.

I did not mean to imply that I am bashing Christians, just the way *some* of them hurt other people.

I have had so many bad experiences with them.

I have considered visiting my local church again; I like the young minister. But it's hard for me to rise early on Sundays.

My mentor has asked me to go there with him.

Carol