Need a hug.

Feeling worthless right now

Some positive energy coming your way. Your not worthless so take it back. I give you tai-chi meditation to. oh the hug to.(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Geez, you are not worthless... Why are you feeling like this?

I'm feeling like a can't do anything right. I'm so triggered right now. Thankfully I have a T appt on Tuesday.

Do you know what is triggering you? I am sorry you are feeling like this, its horrible
Can you ring T before then? Maybe just to hear her voice will soothe you (((HUGS)))

I'm trying to do a homework assignment for a professor who triggers the hell out of me. She said something in class the other day that was insensitive. I look up to her and she is a hard *** professor that I sometimes feel belittled by her indirectly. How can I keep going to school feeling this way? How am I ever going to finish school? How am I ever going to change my life? I feel like I'm trying to claw myself out of a hole in the ground located in the middle of the woods and no one is around. My finger nails are full of dirt. I don't want to burden my T but I called her anyways.

You won't be burdening T, this is her job. She will probably be glad that you reached out to her.
WHy does this proffessor scare you so much? I am sorry she was insensitive but this is her issue, I know it affected you directly BUT she is obviously an insensitive person so its nothing personal towards you.

Thank you ((Button)). I just got off the phone with my T. She called me back right away thankfully. I asked her how can I get through school without being triggered. I feel like I'm seconding guessing myself all the time with this one professor I have. She said as a professor she second guesses herself on occasion and has a student that she was upset about and that it does happen to people no matter the profession. She reminded me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that perfection isn't a requirement to pursue what I want to do for a new career. What I'm doing is worth it because it's something I'm passionate about. I'm so thankful for you button, everyone on PC and my T

Hug !

AWh, thats brilliant. Thank god for T's like yours. I hope you are feeling better and T is right- stop being so hard on yourself right now.

((((Geez))),

Oh dear, you have to trace this trigger to where it bothers you specifically, and it is there. Once you get to that you can find "resolve" for it, sometimes it takes some time, but I can relate to how you feel right now, I have been there myself.

When something like this happens it is usually something that is deep in our subconscious and that is linked to our own inability to cope or believe in ourselves in the past, could go way back for you. But rest asured, this "can" be resolved. I had this happen to me, certain people would "trigger" me to my core and I could not figure out where it came from. Then I began to realize it was due to how my older sister treated me all my life really, but it began when I was extremely small. I got to the point where I could not even hear my sisters voice without triggering badly.

Well, after a lot of time and work in therapy, I have actually been able to "talk" to my sister and that is a big deal. I was able to untie the gridlock that was happening about her and many things that would "trigger" me that came from how she devalued me many times in my life.

This has something to do with that kind of experience for you I think. You have to figure it out and work "through" it, but I can tell you geez, you are "not" unworthy, this is only a deep "self misunderstanding" that you can really work through. And, often when we come across this kind of situation where someone triggers us, it actually brings a real opportunity for personal growth.

So, don't let yourself feed "into" this feeling of "failure" because this "can" be resolved. You are still working "through" things, it just takes time geez.

(((Big Reassuring Hugs)))

Open Eyes

It sounds like you are feeling better. Sending you hugs. I'm proud of you. Know what it's like to go to school when there are a lot of struggles. May angels surround you. (((((Geez)))))))

((((((((((((((Geez)))))))))))))))))
You are not worthless, but rather an wonderful human being.
It sometimes seems like we can do nothing right. I feel that way too a lot.
Usually we just act on what we know and we cannot possibly know it all
Be good to yourself and just appreciate yourself as valuable and worthy of love

Thank you so much for writing ((open)) and everyone on this thread/message board

I know why I'm triggered. My personality is typically all or nothing and in addition to being a mom, wife, training for a marathon I am in school for a new career and a new life. When I'm into doing something 100% I am a people pleaser or aim to please to satisfy the expectations people have for me or what I think people should expect from me and I set my own expectations for myself to achieve to feel like I'm good at something.

I had a pop quiz the other day in class and the proff went over the quiz after everyone handed it in. I got two answers wrong out of 10 questions. 1 of the 10 questions I initially had correct but I changed it because my professor is all about trick questions and I was second guessing myself. When she went over the quiz she said "please tell me no one got this question wrong or selected this answer". I wanted to die right then. Something happened similar the week before and it was all I could do to not start bawling in class. I had to spend an hour fighting back the tears until I got to my car and then I started bawling and couldn't stop for a while.

I've felt this sense of disappointment in myself before. 20 years ago I went to the same college only I spent my time self medicating with alcohol and surviving while living at home. All I ever wanted was to feel loved and supported as a child. If I had that I could do anything. But instead I've pulled myself up 'by the boot straps' and forged ahead.

As long as I can remember I wanted love and support from my mom but never had it. I have trauma from my mothers neglect and as a child I would mentally say to myself: "what can I do differently to make my mom happy" "what can I do/say that will help me get the outcome I'm looking for: hugs, love, encouragement, acceptance" When I wasn't doing that I was trying to stay invisible to avoid being attacked emotionally or physically. But on the rare occasion when my mom felt a little less icy I would take the chance to reach out to my mom (for example at an aunts house in the safety of others) and ask her to read me a book at the age of three or four. But what happened? She would push me away and say she was relaxing and to go play (my aunts were worried about me as they witnessed my mom doing a lot of things). As I look back I now see the motivation for her taking the time to teach me how to read at that age.

After typing all that the feelings that resonate with me in class are the same feelings I had when I was trying to figure out a way to get my mom to love me. Always trying to figure out a better way and yet feelings of failure and hopelessness come to the surface. Kind of like a self affirmation: "see you can't figure it/her out!"

Thanks for listening.

(((((geez))))) ... you're far from worthless, hope you feel a bit better now?

That feeling is still there but not so intense so I don't feel like I need to cry right now. I can't wait till I see T tomorrow for some relief. I always feel safe with T.

Good work figuring out that trigger.