[cherryjogging]

just wondering if anyone can relate to my problem, ok here goes, I am a mature adult, who has no love for my parents, I cant remember ever loving them, when I was about 9 years old I told this woman I wish she was my mum, to me my parents are just people, I dont really hate them I just dont really like them. I dont have memories of abuse however I dont have memories of a happy family either.
So back to the love thing! I am divorced and met up with a man I knew from school, last year, there was this instant attraction, even though I did know he was going to be trouble, but for the first time ever i actually could relate to someone, as it happens this man has borderline personality disorder, and I think we each caused each other a lot of emotional pain, I could feel his emotional pain his saddness and his loneliness, and maybe it was like looking in the mirror and I really wanted to look after him, he was like a 42 year old horny toddler, and I felt quite protective of him.
the relationship broke down quite quickly, and it was a nightmare, but I have alot to be thankful to that man! he made me realise whats been missing all my life.......LOVE, Ive never recieved it and ive never given it to anyone, my emotions are numbed, i dont feel what im supposed to feel, during times of stress or anxiety I just switch off, terrible things happen and I can basically forget them, the memory is there but very cloudy, I have just this morning phoned to make an appointment with a councillor so that I can maybe sort some of this stuff out, my feelings of worthlessness and inferiority have haunted me all my life, I need to work this out.
any advice or suggestions would be most welcome.

[picklewheeze]

Hiya

first of all id like to say i really respect your honesty.

I do know what you mean. I too have the same problem. With me it fluxiates, sometimes my prents seem amazing and other times they mean nothing to me and.i dont really know why.
I have endured some abuse in the past from a few different people and i know that this has greatly affected my emotion regulation (bpd)

I think this may be why i sometimes feel like peopke mean nothig to me.it takes very little for people to really.upset me and i no longer want to have anythig to do with them, it can literally be if someones late or hange plans i get really agrrivated and upset with them but at the same time it doesnt take me too long to let them off.

I know that i really do lack emotions in a lot off instances but to be honest fpr me, it keeps me safe. Even if aonetinnes it is a bit lonely.

Try councillig see how it goes, personally i was shitwih it but ive got no guts to say the truth so if u do iy five it a good go!!

Good luck

[picklewheeze]

P.s sorry for all the typos and spelling mistakes! Concentration is not my forte lol!

[Leed]

I have to applaud you for making the appointment with the counselor. The fact that you recognized that you were numb says alot for you! It says that perhaps you're not as numb as you thought you were. And I know that talking with a counselor is going to do you a world of good! I too was numb when I saw a therapist - and he took me thru alot of things in my past that undoubtedly made me that way. Yes, it does get painful when you go thru therapy, but you have to get thru the pain in order to get to the joy!

You won't regret going to therapy I promise you. I'm so glad you called. It won't take as long as you might think to start FEELING again. I wish you the very best my friend!! My thoughts are with you -- God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[cherryjogging]

thank you pickle wheeze and Leed, for your kind encouraging words, it is very reassurring to know that other people struggle with their feelings, and i am really glad I found this web site, because my mind has been going crazy for years trying to figure out what the problem is, 5 minutes on PC and I literally had the answer thanks to another group member, over the past few days I have been reading up on the Adult child and know thats what I have to tackle, but i really feel huge relief that im not just some cold heartless human being and that there might be some hope of improving the situation.

[Sannah]

Yes, a therapist will be very helpful in helping you to work through all of this. Keep us posted?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by cherryjogging

just wondering if anyone can relate to my problem, ok here goes, I am a mature adult, who has no love for my parents, I cant remember ever loving them, when I was about 9 years old I told this woman I wish she was my mum, to me my parents are just people, I dont really hate them I just dont really like them. I dont have memories of abuse however I dont have memories of a happy family either.
So back to the love thing! I am divorced and met up with a man I knew from school, last year, there was this instant attraction, even though I did know he was going to be trouble, but for the first time ever i actually could relate to someone, as it happens this man has borderline personality disorder, and I think we each caused each other a lot of emotional pain, I could feel his emotional pain his saddness and his loneliness, and maybe it was like looking in the mirror and I really wanted to look after him, he was like a 42 year old horny toddler, and I felt quite protective of him.
the relationship broke down quite quickly, and it was a nightmare, but I have alot to be thankful to that man! he made me realise whats been missing all my life.......LOVE, Ive never recieved it and ive never given it to anyone, my emotions are numbed, i dont feel what im supposed to feel, during times of stress or anxiety I just switch off, terrible things happen and I can basically forget them, the memory is there but very cloudy, I have just this morning phoned to make an appointment with a councillor so that I can maybe sort some of this stuff out, my feelings of worthlessness and inferiority have haunted me all my life, I need to work this out.
any advice or suggestions would be most welcome.

here where I live and work this kind of thing going on is called "lack of affect" and is one of the most common side effects that many things like stress, abuse, neglect, trauma's of all kinds (including naturally occuring like storms, fires,...) leave a person with. around here we see it most with people who have depression and those that have post traumatic stress, and dissociative issues.

I have it with my bipolar disorder, PTSD, Depression and dissociative disorders, it also happens to me with medications. my treatment providers and I combat it by things like self nurturing. the premise is that one cant show or feel positive emotions like love, like, caring, for another very well if they dont love, like and care about their self. self nurturing one self for example buying myself a treat, or self care item I dont normally do for myself like this morning I noticed I didnt have any real emotions for anything, so instead of making coffee and putting it in my thermos I looked at my wife and said I think Im going to treat myself to breakfast today, wanna come? My wife said sure and we grabbed our stuff and headed on out the door to IHOP. there I bought a meal that I wouldnt normally have bought for myself, one that would entice all my senses which in turn would open the gates to at least having an emotional opinion of liking something. As I ate my meal my senses came alive and I started to feel the emotion of comfort, light hearted ness, happiness. then my wife said something that made my day, she cracked a joke that would have embarrassed most people and once again I was reminded in part why I love her, she is the most caring and spontaneous woman I know. when I woke up this morning I didnt have any emotions for anything or anyone and there I was in IHOP feeling alive, loving the food and service and feeling happiness and love for myself and my wife.

With a completely different frame of mind from when I woke up I headed off to work and was able to have a great morning with many positives including feeling like I cared about what happened to all these clients of mine, I even felt the emotion hate for this one guy who sat there trying to answer all the questions instead of letting his wife talk with me alone. I told the couple I was going to get another cup of coffee and asked the couple if they wanted coffee, I went to my supervisor, did a quick rant on the bozo and asked her to find a way to get him to leave the wife and I to our interview. She told me to find out if he drove here and when he and I started discussing car problems he told me what kind of car he had. the supervisor who followed me back towards my desk over head the conversation then came in and asked if anyone had his type of car it needed to be moved the "meter maid" will be around in the next ten minutes and she wanted to save the clients a ticket. we dont have meters on our street but the police still patrol noting what cars are parked and for how long, our street is a half hour zone. the guy got up and moved his car which gave his wife and I time to move into a private interview room in the back thats reserved for those in danger. once there she was able to talk to me. the point is because I took the time to self nurture this morning my emotions stabilized so I was able to once again feel emotions for others.

[ladytiger]

same thing missing in my life is love. my life with my parents were nothing but constant verbal abuse and lots of verbal fighting too. i hate my parents, they are just people who hated to take care of children. they felt kids should take care of themselves and parents shouldn't have to be responsible to them