[Little Me]

Stress, anxiety and life pressures. I feel like I am going to bust open. School(work), family, etc. too many pressures and too many triggors. I know my life of denying that I was abused has a huge role in how I deal with daily stress. We all have it I know. I think I deal outwardly with it very well, it's just that inside I feel like I can hardly stand it.

Also, I've been drinking more than usual the past couple of weeks. It helps me relax. Don't know what is going on. I should be mature enough to know what is going on but I don't...... or don't want to admit it.

[Sannah]

Do you ask for help with your family?

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you ask for help with your family?

No I don't.

[Open Eyes]

Little me, you have a therapist right? You "do" have a lot going on, stress is going to be high and the PTSD will be aggrivated. It is not a good idea to drink too much, that doesn't really help the PTSD. Maybe if things are really bad you could ask a pdoc about Klonopin which you can take small doses of that can help you with the anxiety for a while.

Open Eyes

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Little Me

No I don't.

Why not?

[skeksi]

You sound overwhelmed...unbalanced. Between the stuff that has arisen with your case and work and family obligations, you sound tired. Are you trying to be all things to all people? What are you doing to take gentle care of yourself each day? Is there one small thing you could start doing to try to help manage the feelings just a little?

[Little Me]

Yes, I am overwhelmed. Just got back from a long walk with pup. Thought that would help. It didn't but it was a good thing to do. Feeling bad about many things. I have 2 great therapists because 1 is trained in EMDR and the other not and they are just the best. I'm lonely because they are the only ones I talk to. Coming here has helped... a lot.
Hard to breath I'm so stressed. I do pretty well with hiding it and managing it but I can definitely feel it and I don't like it. Trying to ease it by drinking (beer and wine) tea, snacks, exercise.

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Little me, you have a therapist right? You "do" have a lot going on, stress is going to be high and the PTSD will be aggrivated. It is not a good idea to drink too much, that doesn't really help the PTSD. Maybe if things are really bad you could ask a pdoc about Klonopin which you can take small doses of that can help you with the anxiety for a while.

Open Eyes

I do see my pdoc Tuesday and will ask. She has given me Atavan? that I use at night but feel so stressed most of the time don't know how to use that kind of med. Take it all the time? Drinking helps. I'm gaining a little weight and it could be the alcohol because I exercise a lot. Might be meds..... that's what I want to blame it on although I'm supposed to be on stuff that doesn't cause weight gain. Frustrated on many levels. Functioning very well and keeping this all hidden pretty well.
Thanks for the help.

[skeksi]

I think you already know that the drinking thing is unwise and not the best way to cope with this anxiety. You see your pdoc Tuesday; why not explain that the anxiety has been really bad, and you aren't sure how to take the Ativan correctly, and ask the pdoc to walk you through how to manage this? I wonder if maybe what would help you feel more secure is having two lines of defense, meds-wise-- like "First try this....then, if that doesn't help, try this...."

I am feeling pretty wrecked with anxiety myself, so I empathize. Try to cope in the least harmful ways you can find--try the tea and exercise and snack first, to see if something helps take it down a notch before you try something more damaging.

{{{Little Me }}}

[Bill3]

Have your therapists made any suggestions?

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Little Me

keeping this all hidden pretty well.

Why? This takes a lot of energy to do and it actually causes a lot of the problem.

[geez]

((((Little Me))))) I could be misinterpreting but it sounds like you are spiraling down? I am fortunate to be in a really good day treatment program for people with depression and or anxiety. The people I'm in the program with are there voluntarily (not court ordered etc...). People from all walks of life are there in the same program. Really nice people that you would never guess are struggling on the inside when you see them. Every person's story is different and everyone is on a first name only basis. Some people there are known in certain circles and one person there who's last day was today has had experience with tragedy and dealing with media (I think of you when I write that). There are people out there you can connect with. Is there a hospital with a program near you that would help you with your particular situation?

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by skeksi

I think you already know that the drinking thing is unwise and not the best way to cope with this anxiety. You see your pdoc Tuesday; why not explain that the anxiety has been really bad, and you aren't sure how to take the Ativan correctly, and ask the pdoc to walk you through how to manage this? I wonder if maybe what would help you feel more secure is having two lines of defense, meds-wise-- like "First try this....then, if that doesn't help, try this...."

I am feeling pretty wrecked with anxiety myself, so I empathize. Try to cope in the least harmful ways you can find--try the tea and exercise and snack first, to see if something helps take it down a notch before you try something more damaging.

{{{Little Me }}}

Thanks skeksi. I did what you suggested the past 2 days and there has been improvement in my taking it down a notch. Also finding stuff to do during the "drinking hours" has helped too.
Your advice is great and I will have that as my strategy next week at appointments.
Yesterday was a rough day, for many I'm sure. Today is a new day and the sun is giving me some extra hope this morning!

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Why? This takes a lot of energy to do and it actually causes a lot of the problem.

Being private is my comfort natural way and to not do that seems to take extra energy because I'm fearful of the response. I agree it doesn't work too well and I'm trying to break out of myself. I do it now in therapy but not feeling safe enough with others.

[Little Me]

Originally Posted by geez

((((Little Me))))) I could be misinterpreting but it sounds like you are spiraling down? I am fortunate to be in a really good day treatment program for people with depression and or anxiety. The people I'm in the program with are there voluntarily (not court ordered etc...). People from all walks of life are there in the same program. Really nice people that you would never guess are struggling on the inside when you see them. Every person's story is different and everyone is on a first name only basis. Some people there are known in certain circles and one person there who's last day was today has had experience with tragedy and dealing with media (I think of you when I write that). There are people out there you can connect with. Is there a hospital with a program near you that would help you with your particular situation?

I'm afraid. I did go to a program in the initial stages of my healing (2 years ago) and it was brutal. I was so afraid and closed and couldn't participate. I did meet incredible people (mainly the staff) and I do know I would benefit but scared of so many things. What people would think of me needing to go back? The mix of people attending was a challenge for me, not a good mix most of the time and with work related issues also. I even thought of a residential program a few months ago but have gotten to a better place of late and realize missing my family would be detrimental knowing how slow and hard it is for me to acclimate myself. I don't open up or even talk so a breaking in period is very frustrating and time consuming.
Confused.
Thanks for your concern and comments.
Today seems to start off a bit better eventhough I had a very rough night in bed last night.
The sunny Saturday has me in a sunny mood.
Big family event today, hoping for not too much anxiety and not too much drink.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Little Me

I'm afraid. I did go to a program in the initial stages of my healing (2 years ago) and it was brutal. I was so afraid and closed and couldn't participate. I did meet incredible people (mainly the staff) and I do know I would benefit but scared of so many things. What people would think of me needing to go back? The mix of people attending was a challenge for me, not a good mix most of the time and with work related issues also. I even thought of a residential program a few months ago but have gotten to a better place of late and realize missing my family would be detrimental knowing how slow and hard it is for me to acclimate myself. I don't open up or even talk so a breaking in period is very frustrating and time consuming.
Confused.
Thanks for your concern and comments.
Today seems to start off a bit better eventhough I had a very rough night in bed last night.
The sunny Saturday has me in a sunny mood.
Big family event today, hoping for not too much anxiety and not too much drink.

((((Little Me)))) Some of the people in the program I am in has people who have been through the program before. We are all grouped together based on what we are dealing with. I'm with 18 in total who are dealing with depression and anxiety. If I remember in a past conversation we are in the same/close proximity geographic location. If you are interested in knowing more about the program I'm in feel free to private message me and I can give you the info. This hospital has many programs that fit different situations.

I know how scary it is to get help. On my first day of the program I was about jumping out of my skin and I noticed how many people feel the same way on their first few days. In general it feels great to be surrounded with people in the same or similar struggles and we've all had different paths that have gotten us to the program. It kind of feels like what psych central would be like if it were in 'real life' in person. Many hugs!!!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Little Me

Being private is my comfort natural way and to not do that seems to take extra energy because I'm fearful of the response.

Maybe explore this in session? What are the responses that you are fearing?