UP TO MY NECK IN WORRY... **triggers**

Hey.

Wassup havent written a thread in a but... But for the love of God i need help.

Also just quickly imma apologise for my terrible spelling... Im on my phone lol

So... My troubles... Escelated.... When my therapist uncovered a hidden memory from my past. At this point in time, only myself and my psychologist know what happened and i think for now thats how i want it to stay.

Since this memory/memories surfaced its triggered me immensly...to the point where im not sure what to do. Im having trouble eating.... I ten to immediately throw up. I feel sick almost 24hrs a day. My self harm tendancies have escelated in frequency and seriousness. I have constant headaches which sometimes can be so bad i cant move or see. The violent images that flow through my mind are more intense. (ill just point out im not violent 99.9% of the time. It takes alot to get me to lash out). I get dizzy. I have frequent flashbacks. i feel completely out of control. Im exhausted all the time. I see scary things... Such as an army of spiders crawling all over me. I feel the badness within is spreading. The voices in my head are louder. One in particular is very sinister. He wants me to do bad things. Not to other people just myself. I cant sit still im always twitching or figiting... On high alert looking around the room constantly. Feels like someone is watching my every move. When my psychologist tries to talk about the memory... That one sinister voice gets really mad. Both at her and me. Last session when we got onto that topic... The voice scared the bejesus out of me. The voice forced me to hurt myself in front of my psychologist. Nothing to drastic just tightened all my bracelts to the point where blood circulation was cut off. But at the time i was doing it i was not completely there. Like i couldnt control it.

As you can probably tell im pretty scared at the moment. The line between real life and past memories is becoming blurred. Im not to sure what to do.

Does anyone have any advice? Like... How to stop freaking out. How to feel safer. How to be able to eat. The sick thing. The flashbacks thing.

I dont care any advice in this point would be good.

Peace out for now

Will your therapist allow you to meet more often, call, or somehow stay in closer touch? I'd definitely ask about that.

Maybe an anti-anxiety med, at least taken for a bit, could help, too.

What say you other folks?

Hi Payne thanks for your reply.

Um i can contact my therapist between 9-5 mon-fri on the phone. And we have 2 sessions a week. So its already pretty intensive therapy. To be honest im not too sure how much my psychologist knows about the side effects of this memory. She is aware of some but not others. Ive made a list to give to her on tuesday.

Im already on 2 types of meds, Movox (fluvoxamine) and Seroquel XR. The seroquel is anti anxiety i believe although imo i dont think it helps with my anxious behaviours (twitching, fast heart rate, looking for danger, Figiting) it does help me sleep sometimes.

Hi Loki, welcome to PC. Can you ask your T to help you with these things ^ ? It would probably be a good idea to work on these things to get you to a better place before working on the trauma? Can you talk to your T about this?

Blackie, again I'm sorry I didn't check on you more lately and check your posts. I don't know the details of this memory but I do know enough about what you've told me to envision just what might be the gist of it. I'm so sorry. I know you realize now that these memories have to come out to deal with them and that's the difficult truth. I know you will get through them though... you've come so far, and I'm proud of you, you can do this.

As for advice, it's a good thing to keep writing things down for your T and sharing them as you are comfortable. She'll help you find ways to cope with them as you share more with her but as for the "in the moment" thing when you're freaking, panicking, you know that I'm just a message away.. you can always call on me if you're panicking and need to and I'll try to talk you through, in lieu of the ability to call your T. Do call her. Call the help line, message me.. your friends that you know you can trust with this stuff, anything but isolate yourself ok? I'd say call me but Gosh tht would be a huge bill I know you can't afford - God why do you have to be in Australia - you dummy! jk

Anyway I'm here for you.. I wish my advice were more meaningful and helpful.

Many and much ,
~S4

Forgot to add that I do think the Seroquel is helping. Just observing how you've improved on it but remember no med is going to get rid of symptoms completely. You'll always still have anxiety and panic crop up from time to time, just not as much hopefully. Remember when you first talked to me? you were not sleeping regularly and had alot more episodes..

Yeah sannah i gave my therapist a letter. She likes it when i write her letters.

S4, sorry i live in australia lol yeah ive realised the past 4 nights without seroquel have made me see just how much their helping haha. Thanks for your support (cats tryna scratch my eyes and hands at the moment so tying is hard lol) but anyway my therapist says ill get through it. Just gunna take time. just gunna be a tough week though.