strange

So i think this relates. For as long as i can remember i panic at the strnagest things, its kinda like a situation but idk how it relates to *******.
Like if im walking somewhere and i see someone a certain distance away, ill just be like i want to be at this place before they reach this place, and if i dont make the distance right i will full out panic.
The most recent time was this: i am in a hotel with my dad (one person who has never sexually abused me) and my bed is closest to the bathroom and when i was almost to the door he started to turn over and i wanted to be in the bathroom before he completly turned over and i was about to be to slow so i paniced and ran in the bathroom and closed and locked the door. then my heart was pounding really hard and i felt sicj. But this happens with a lot of situations, like someone walking behind me either up or down a staircase. I dont understand this. can anyone help this make sense???

I suspect, due to your past experiences, that you are hypervigilant to dangerous situations. And you want some control over what happens. That's just a thought, anyway.

You don't feel safe and you use these little "games" about reaching a certain point in relation to others in order to feel safer? Could it almost be a little OCD? ("If everything is in place and in order I will be okay")

That actually made me think. I know i am somewhat OCD but i usually control it pretty well. an dit is usually like a want stuff to be even and follow patterns and stuff or if i decide i dont want something in the store i will go across the stroe to put it in its rightful spot. but i nevr considered that anything else i did was OCD as well. i always thought i had control over it, i guess i dont.....yuck something else wrong with me that i dont know how to fix

Knowing what is wrong with you is the first stage in fixing it.

Dont be upset by the things that you do, you do them for a reason. That reason isnt your fault and you can change it. It will get better.

I agree, understanding yourself is what getting better is all about. I used to get really excited when I got insight about myself because your issues are going to bother you whether you are aware of them or not. Being aware of them gives you a chance to work on them.

Controlling OCD.......... OCD is all about control. Getting better is not controlling everything and then realizing that you are okay anyway.

Thx for the feedback. I do realize that it is good to recognize new problems so that they can begin to be fixed. Right now im just trying replace what i know (that it is really a good thing) and what i feel (depressed that something i thought wasnt a problem really is).

Make sure that you understand it before you try to replace it. If you don't work it out first you will be fighting it every time that it tries to raise its head. If you really understand what you are thinking and feeling then you have worked through it and it disappears and it won't bother you anymore.

And you are where you are for good reasons so go easy on yourself. You aren't a bad person. You are a person who has responded to your environment.

You can't work on an issue if you don't know it exists. Peace be w/you!

Knowing is half the battle. -G I Joe