confrontation and healing!!

I have a very hard time talking about anything to do with my past abuse!!! when it does come up I have nothing but flashbacks and nightmares and it runs my life!!! someone is telling me that the only way to get over it is to confront the abuser but others are saying as long as you talk to someone about what happened!! can you please share your experience?

No one HAS to confront an abuser. Some people find it helpful, but definitely not everyone. I think each person has their own individual path to recovery. Only do/say things that you are comfortable with, and in your own time.

wink, how you choose to heal is up to you. I have not spoken to my abuser about this, I have not pressed charges, I have not seeked out my abuser though I did run into him, I have began T for tis very issue. After 18 years I told someone, My T first and my H secound. My parents don't know, my dr's don't know, past T's don't know. No one knows and I want to keep it that way. The T agrees it is my life, my story and I can write it how ever I choose. I have told her about 3 instances out of 50 + and she is good w/ that. It again is my story to tell. I have told my H about the 3 most mind terrorizing times. It is a story for me to know and to share only if I choose. I get to choose when, how, and with whoever I want , and it is ok if I never want to share anything else.

So what is your story? You can keep it share it, do nothing about it, or do everything about it. It all depends on you and what is right for you in your situation.

Thanks big Mama.....I have been abused from age 12 until recently (even though I have not quite accepted this last 15 years off and on with my H) I have mixed feelings and questions about that one. anyways one thing that keeps me from confronting or saying anything especially to my M is that when she found out about my SD she accused me and said it was my fault that she got divorced and I will be dammed if she or anyone blames me for one of the others. as long as I keep it to myself (my chest feels like it is going to bust through my skin just writing this) I cannot hurt anyone else!! I have a very hard time blaming myself to begin with for the abuse that I do not need anyone to help with that.
Sorry I need to stop right there!!!!

I don't think confronting an abuser helps - often you won't get the response you want. I talked to my mum once about neglecting me, making me live with DV etc and she said: "Well, that was a very hard time for me," and "At least you spent a lot of time out of the house." That almost broke me. Anyone who abuses you in any way has already failed to see you as a person with rights and feelings. They won't magically change.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. I would strongly recommend you talk to someone - a counsellor or therapist, a women's helpline, something like that. Your m was wrong to blame you. Abuse is NEVER the victim's fault. You deserve to be heard and to heal. YOU haven't hurt anyone. You are not to blame.

Wink, I write a lot. If I can write it down it no longer lives inside of me, it lives on that peice of paper or in a notebook. It will always be part of me, but I don't have to hang on to all of it alone. It serves as a great record, and when you write things down stuff really starts pouring out. The things u write change, it becomes something you can share w/ a T now, or later, years from now or never. That is that has worked for me. It really sounds like you need a T to help work threw this.