Being touched

I was jsut thinking about things and i wondered if people feel the same as me, by this i mean this:

Because of my sexual abuse several years ago, now i am really sensitive when people touch me. nobody knows about my past and sometimes i get people coming up to me and grabbing my under-arms to tickle me etc (they mean it playfully of course) but i get really panicky and i back off immedietly. i dont like being touched when im not expecting it. people only ever mean it jokingly and just want to tickle me but i get quite stressed when they do this and i actually start sweating sometimes. i even get it if someone grabs my knee or something. just something so "everyday" that everyone does to everyone freaks me out. is this due to the abuse i suffered, and do any of you feel the same.

i remember i was round a friends house earlier this year and we were getting quite close and she poked me in my side just under my arm pit to tickle me and i jumped up and told her to stop it and she got offended but i couldnt explain so i had to leave it as that and i left.

i know that people wont touch me with the same motives as when i was abused, but when someone touches me when im not expecting it i panic and seperate myself from that person.

its not only that, but when i get like this people get annoyed because it looks like im being a miserable git. i cannot explain to them why but i do ask them not to do it, and i just use the excuse that im over-ticklish which makes them do it more knowing they will get more pleasure out of it. obviously they really dont mean it viscously, its just normal to be tickled, but i sometimes cant deal with it.

this is a normal thing to feel after going through abuse, right? how many of you react the same as me?

It's 100% persent normal. I hate people who touch me as well... where did this whole hugging and kissing culture come from? When I go to church everyone wants to hug you! It's not just males who make me feel this way, but being touched by a female does the same thing. I hide in my shell when people want to get too close.
I'm always so paranoid about it... "what did that mean?" "what were they thinking?" It makes me feel so dirty and I just want to scrub at the spot where someone touched me! I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way... misery loves company they say.

I think you should distance yourself physically from strangers to protect yourself from the memories and flashbacks, but I would say if you want to be touched again, start at the ones you love and trust. Reach out and touch first and it may make you feel safer if they touch you back.

TOUCHING to one that has been sexual abused is a great tabu.... one must have our permission and inner trust to even touch the arm.... and do not touch my feet / ankles or you may die, for I relive being tied down.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( much hugs )))

~ ~

((((((((Simon)))))))) (((((((((((Rhapsody)))))))))

i dont hate being touched, or anyhting like that, im just sensitive. i dont like being surprised, it makes me feel un-safe and not in control of myself. when i explain to people that i dont like being touched by surprised, they dont seem to care and dont think theres depth behind it so they dont take it seriously, no matter what i say.

Exactly...... you don't like being surprised with a touch, hence the needing the trust and giving of our permission.... I too like being touch when it is wanted or known about.

IMO - people that have never been abused will NEVER understand the fear of even an innocent little hello touch..... how can they - they have never been violated?


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Wow, I thought I was the only one who gets freaked out when people touch me.

I get really weird when someone hugs me, because thats what my abuser did before he shot himself. I never told anyone how I feel about being hugged or touched because I thought I was just being paranoid.
But it's nice to know that Im not alone(im not trying to say im glad you guys feel the same way when being touched).

Hugs to all,
-Megan-

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damajdancer said:
Wow, I thought I was the only one who gets freaked out when people touch me.

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((((((( HUGS ))))))) - WE understand all to well....

yup normal. I too am sensitive to touch sometimes.

Simon I do not like being surprised either. I do hug others and they hug me even my doctor but if I am suprised I jump or get tense.

I think it's called the "exaggerated startle response" and is part of PTSD... like if someone taps me on the shoulder and I jump 10 feet in the air. I think that's part of it anyway - your nervous system being on constant "alert" against danger. Start by telling friends close to you that you really don't like being grabbed by surprise, and ask that they just respect that 'quirk'.

The problem is... the human body needs touch to survive. And by avoiding all the bad touches, we miss out on a lot of the good ones too (innocent hugs or pats on the back).

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Rebel74 said:
I think it's called the "exaggerated startle response" and is part of PTSD... like if someone taps me on the shoulder and I jump 10 feet in the air. I think that's part of it anyway - your nervous system being on constant "alert" against danger. Start by telling friends close to you that you really don't like being grabbed by surprise, and ask that they just respect that 'quirk'.

The problem is... the human body needs touch to survive. And by avoiding all the bad touches, we miss out on a lot of the good ones too (innocent hugs or pats on the back).

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You are right, I forgot about that till I read it. My T also said I have hypervigilance now that I think of it.

simon, i agree with everybody else, it is normal to be extra aware of touch when touch has been so used against you.
It does ease up over time, especially with therapy and self work. i used to be afraid i would clobber somebody without thinking, if they came up behind me and suprised me, let alone add touch to suprise.... I warned my friends I had hair trigger elbows, they could suprise me at their peril. They took my words to heart and didn't go there. Boundaries. You have a right to say where yours are and defend them.

Learning how to set boundaries and take care of your emotional self are essential skills for healing. You have been working your bunns off to accomplish this task,on many fronts. You have been very brave. Good job, dude, good job.