REPRESSION: Outlining what I know happened/ Memories based in reality

So, I've been reading about illusory memories and false memory syndrome (a few links, if you're interested:

http://web.uvic.ca/~slindsay/publica...95LindRead.pdf
The Reality of Repressed Memories

)

So I figured I should outline what I knew before my other "memories" "came back"

-I had nightmares of being molested ages 3 to 5 or 6 (ish)
-my uncle coerced me to lay on him
-my uncle coerced me to spoon with him
(All the while me saying no)
-I felt weird
-a program about mars was on
-I laid down
BLANK (In which there are little flashes that were "recovered" but now I'm not really sure enough to trust them)

I think I was hiding after.

I was a twisted, sick kid. I know that. I had super erotic and terrifying dreams from a young age involving dominance and I was always the submissive one.

So, the articles above talk about the rareness of repression and the lack of clinical evidence for the cases.
I know it is VERY controversial, but I don't know what to think, now.
I actually emailed Elizabeth Loftus, a qualified expert who authored one of the articles and is referenced in many articles that pontificate on repression, and told her my story. She said, basically,

"sorry I've been busy. There is no evidence that shows the validity of repression or derepressed memories. Best wishes"

So now I'm confused.
But I do know some things for sure.
I'm just afraid that I've made a horrible mistake by digging where I shouldn't and making a dangerous mess of things.

What are your thoughts on this?

Repression is NOT rare. It is one explanation for amnesia in child abuse survivors. It exists in the DSM under the name "dissociative amnesia".

I suggest you take a look at this: Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse: Scientific Research & Scholarly Resources

False Memory Syndrome was invented by a group of people who were accused of abusing their children. Loftus is on their advisory board. It would be one thing if these people just talked about suggestibility but they aim to debunk all theories of traumatic memory loss, arguing that if something is worth remembering you will consciously remember it. In the face of all sorts of evidence to the contrary.

I am sorry you had the misfortune to come across Loftus. My views on her are unprintable. She has been very selective in her response to you. She is wrong. She may be qualified but she is not what I would call an expert.

Thanks, tiny

Sorry if my post offended anyone. I'm really new to this field and I wasn't around for all of the brouhaha surrounding repression in the '70s and '80s.
I saw how accepted she was and figured that she would be the most right, but now I see that the assumption could be largely untrue.

I'm still trying to see what I think. All of the contradicting evidence is so confusing, especially since the issue applies to me.

I think repression does happen, but I'm not so sure about my case. I really just don't want to falsify a memory.

You didn't offend me. I'm sorry if it sounded otherwise. I was just concerned that you'd contacted this woman and got such an abrupt response when there's a lot of info out there that would perhaps be easier to find if these people (the false memory lot) hadn't polluted the internet (I say that because whenever I try to search for info I just get stuff from them).

I was just impassioned - sorry if I sounded ratty!

Oh, no! You didn't sound that way at all. I just know that this probably could offend some if they thought I was positing the idea that their experiences are false, which I'm not.

I do think the brevity of Loftus' response makes her less reliable. It's almost like she cut and pasted a generic, one size fits all response.
That being said, I'm taking evidence from both sides with a grain of salt as the issue is so polarized and authors of each point will be biased either way. There certainly seems to be no middle ground, here.
Hopefully, I'll figure this out and how it applies to me, if it does at all.

Thanks for the link, by the way. It really is helping me see support for the other side that doesn't outright encourage suggestive memory work. It does sound correct.

I just realized a problem, though, with myself. It says "digging" is never a good idea and can cause false memories and accusations. Digging is exactly what I was doing a few months ago... I'm so confused!

Well, I know I have dissociative amnesia and I've recovered some memories I know to be true. So personally I know repression does and can happen. But I realise others may not believe me.

The 'other side' isn't about encouraging suggestive memory work, at all, but simply about the existence of dissociative amnesia and delayed recall. Loftus et al would like people to think that suggestive memory work goes hand in hand with the entire concept of delayed recall. It doesn't. Any good, ethical therapist will not suggest anything, and most memories are recovered outside of the therapy room.

How would you define digging?

Hi Tinyrabbit,

Sorry to intrude, but I must say that I agree with Confused. I myself went through some CSA, and repressed the memory for a few years, but one day I all of a sudden remembered what happened to me. At the time when I remembered, I was still pretty young, like a pre-teen, and thought that I was imagining things. Of course, it's natural to not trust yourself because the details may be a little foggy, but the fact is you have to trust yourself.

As a child for you to be 'twisted' and have erotic dreams, there had to be a reason for this. Maybe something happened, maybe you saw something happen. Repression is very much real, it just takes time to uncover the truth.

Just my opinion, but I say you should listen to yourself and not listen to researchers who have no clue. From my experience repression is very real.

Yeah, I understand! That's why I'm afraid of coming out about all of this. I'm afraid no one will believe me. But I certainty believe you.

Digging, hmm.
Well, initially I was really freaked out because I had this super sketchy memory with a huge blank in it. I was sure one of my uncles hurt me, but I didn't remember what happened.
So I bought a journal. I journaled everything I could remember from my childhood, which wasn't much, but I centered it around that age in which I couldn't really remember.

I was looking for something to be wrong. I was waiting for something to come back. Not even waiting. I focused on that one memory and wrote every bit, every detail that happened. Nothing came of that, but one day (after waking up with a guy I hardly knew spooning me, [accidental, I believe]) I remebered a different uncle spooning me and I not wanting to.

So I dug more. I searched for something wrong in that memory because there were gaps there, too. So, when I was writing. I guess I had a flash? Or something?
I saw my uncle behind me and his leg on my crotch encouraging me to move back and forth, so I did. It's partially out of body, partially first person.

So I don't know how much my imagination influenced this, but I was digging pretty hard.

Omg guys just reading this this triggered a flashback that helped me remember something from my par to tell my t about my past trauma although it was pretty scary I want to bless u both for posting it helped me I have been struggling to find pieces thank u hugs

Meant to say past

Can I pm u tiny rabbit

Of course.

Today, I'm just wondering if knowing is even worth it.
What do you guys think? Should I even try to recall?

I think I've come to a point where I believe the memories will come back as and when you need them to. I'm not sure you can force it.