[Teepee]

I have had many T's over the last decade and have finally found one who I feel ready to trust, no mean feat! I have so much trouble even talking about mundane things because I know what I really want to sort out but alas the words never come and another session ends we have had 7 sessions so far.

I plod along dealing with my issues and past horrors, I was abused by a school teacher from the age of 5 for many years in a darkened room with others in the same room during class no one knew and even though I had physical clues and stress rashes I did anything I could to get out of school in the end I gave up trying and just took it maybe I deserved it, this set up a pattern for two more major incidents in my late teens early twenties.

I am scared of being judged, not listened to and not taken seriously. I want to know what T is thinking about me about the situation. Can I ask T these things?? What diagnoses fit?? Will my T tell me?? Is this helpful to know??

[gayleggg]

I'm so sorry for your abuse. And in a place where you should have been safe. Glad you found a T that you can feel comfortable with and safe. Ts are nonjudgemental and have heard many things so it is hard to shock them. You can ask a T anything that is on your mind. I suggest being as honest as you can. It is the only way that the T can help you. Good luck with your therapy.
Gayle

[StarkRavingMad]

Try writing down some of the things you need to talk about and give it to your T at the beginning of your session. Maybe she will know how to start the conversations so it's easier for you to talk about it. Good luck!

[Teepee]

Thanks good idea I might try that, I just want to know what she is thinking so I can "do the right thing" it's the first time I have even wanted to talk about stuff

[StarkRavingMad]

I'm glad you want to talk now. It will probably be difficult, but the fact that you want to now is a step in the right direction.

[Teepee]

Thanks starkravingmad I have t tomorrow and have been in a state of absolute panic have come out in hives, racing heart grrrr I thought about cancelling so many times but I know deep down I don't really want to. I have been thinking about what I want to say how I will bring the topics up but in reality that is causing more panic eeekkkk

[tinyrabbit]

I think you can ask your T those things and I think the answers will reassure you.

[StarkRavingMad]

I know it is so scary and nerve wracking teepee. It may be very hard on you when you speak certain things. It may make you feel bad afterwards for stirring up all the emotions. The important thing to remember is that with time, the more you talk about these things the more you will heal. If you don't talk about them at all, you will never heal. It will be scary and painful. But it's the only way to get well. I am wishing you the best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

[Teepee]

Thanks starkravingmad I had my session on Friday and basically told her that she will dump me when it gets hard and to her credit she sat there and then very calmly asked me what she has done to make me think that, then something went snap in me and I told her if it was about her we won't have to focus on me, strangely that deflection didn't work and spent the rest of the session trying not to cry and not talking. So I never got to ask what I wanted but there is always next week! Heart still racing palms still sweaty and still angry and frustrated

[tinyrabbit]

I'm eight months in with my T, and I think a lot of these things come down to experience. The more time you spend with your T, the more experience you will have of her listening, not judging, being there and not dumping you. I'll talk a bit, then freak out a bit, talk a bit, freak out a bit...

At seven sessions in, it's early days. You're forming new habits with your T: talking about things you've kept quiet for a long time, breaking rules that exist within your own psyche, trying to be seen and heard when you've previously been invisible. You don't have a template for this, it's new and scary.

I don't know what diagnoses fit or whether your T will tell you (depends where you live, what kind of T you have, etc, e.g. mine is in private practice in the UK and does not have the power to dx me). Can you ask what your T is thinking? YES, and I whole-heartedly recommend doing so.

[Teepee]

Thanks tinyrabbit your words give me strength to keep going. Hopefully I can break through this soon. I am in Australia and I am not sure if they can dx or not I have another app on Tuesday so I will see how that goes.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Teepee

Thanks good idea I might try that, I just want to know what she is thinking so I can "do the right thing" it's the first time I have even wanted to talk about stuff

((Teepee)),

Doing the "right thing" in therapy is to slowly "talk about" the things that trouble you.

When you were very young a "teacher" scared you and you were "afraid" to speak up and every day it became a problem for you.

Well, that is what you are doing "now" too with this therapist, you want to trust her, she is an authority figure to you, so you are afraid she will judge you somehow and hurt you so you hold back. How we overcome that is by "facing our fears" and deciding to change our pattern of fear and just talking about things.

I was actually a lot like that myself in some ways. I could help others and I did a lot of things that people respected too. However, it was very hard for me to "open up and talk about my own life challenges and even my history of abuse". In my life there were many times where I tried to ask for help or talk about things and people were mean and dismissive towards me, it hurt so badly that I began to feel that "it was bad to open up and discuss the bad things that happened to me in my life.

Believe me, you are really not alone with this challenge either. I know that when you finally open up and make a decision to "heal" once and for all, you will be glad you did.

You can always practice here with your new PC friends and supporters.

(((Hugs)))
OE

[owen1978]

Hey,

Your doing great, its going to be tough, but your facing it and I have huge amount of respect for that.

I'm on the other side of the fence, i.e. I live with someone who suffered abuse in various forms and now its come to the crunch. My wife has been in denial about it or terrified to face her problems.

By the looks of it she has developed PTSD and its nearly torn our marriage apart.

You hopefully are dealing it early before it really takes effect on your life.

Being on these forums just talking helps, glad to see you here