My Story... Does it count as abuse? *Trigger warning just in case*

I am thirteen years old, almost fourteen right now. My parents got divorced when I was three years old, my mom moved out of state, so I visited her during the school breaks. At home, with my father, he got a new girlfriend right away, only months after his divorce, and now they are married. When I was very little, younger than six, when I would misbehave, my dad would strike me, very hard, on my back with his leather belt. He has since stopped that, but it still makes me afraid of him. My life with my dad is fairly stable. He has a good job, I have a step-sister and a half-sister whom I love very much. My step-mom and I don't always get along, but it is tolerable. My childhood was fairly decent, until I turned ten.

At my mother's house, I have experienced many things. My mom is a recently recovered alcoholic. However, I have seen her very, very wasted many times. It didn't get bad until I was ten. She was in a very good relationship with her fiancée for six years, but then, they broke up. When they broke up, my mom came back to drinking and drugs. Once, my mom took my sister and I to her ex-fiancée's house, and at first it was pleasant. Both of the adults began to drink, and they got in an argument. I'll call her ex-fiancée Kevin. I won't reveal his real name. Mom and Kevin got in an argument, and my mother recognized that she was too drunk to drive, so Kevin gave us permission to spend the night. However, he told my sister, mom, and I to sleep in the living room, on the floor. Throughout the night, Mom kept drinking more and more, and was talking to me about how she wanted to punch Kevin in his face. Kevin heard this, and grabbed his loaded gun, and pointed it at me, and told us that we have five seconds to leave the house. He kept his gun pointed at me the entire time until we left. When we got in the car, he opened his window, and pointed the gun at our car. Keep in mind that Mom is wasted, I am ten, and my sister is 12 years old. And, it was dark and pouring rain very hard. Mom was trying to drive us home, but she got lost in the neighborhood, and grew agitated and my sister ended up driving us home. I still have nightmares about that night.

That was the worst drunken night with my mother. However, there are many more. Once, when she was drunk and high on marijuana, my sister wasn't in the room, and she asked me where my sister was. She didn't recognize me. She didn't recognize her own daughter. She told me that she was going to cut me, and grabbed her pocketknife, because I told her that my sister wasn't in the room. She didn't touch me, but she almost did.

Another night, my mom was describing how her dad died when she was seven years old. He killed himself. She described to my sister and I, in detail, exactly how he looked when she found him in the bathtub after he shot himself. She told us exactly how his face looked, in detail.

Once, when she was drunk, she hit me, in my eye, because I didn't bring her the bottle of vodka. Once, she forced me to roll a joint for her, while she was already drunk and high on some other drug.

I have never told anyone any of this, I still have the nightmares and flashbacks about it. But, does this count as abuse? I feel like I am just being a wimp about it.

I'm sorry for such a long post. Thank you, if you read it. I'm sorry.

Oh honey, yes it is definitely abusive.

Where are you now? What is your current situation? Are you safe? There are many hotlines that you could call to get help, but it is complicated for an adult and even harder for someone so preciously young. Do you have another relative you could live with if it were necessary (a grandparent or aunt/uncle who isn't using drugs/alcohol)?

I encourage you to find someone to talk to - a guidance counselor, a member of clergy, a teacher or someone's parent. I've walked down your path alone and it doesn't lead to good places - just more hurt and fear.

PM me if you want to talk more and please don't apologize for taking up time or asking for help. PC can be the family you always wanted and clearly don't have.

Bub

Oh,its abuse alright . . .and then some! You are a
very intelligent young man,and as bub says,you need to get help from some caring adult,or phone a
help line. I am very impressed with your writing and obvious intellect,not forgetting your courage.
Please contact someone to help you. I'll say prayer
for you to keep you safe.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

Thank you so much, Bub I am at home, with my father, and everything is mostly stable here. I am safe. My mom is okay now, she just got out of rehab. She's relapsed a couple times, but she is doing well. I am safe. Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it I can't call a hotline, though, my phone is broken, and I would never have the courage anyways. Anyways, at home with my father, there usually isn't alcohol or drugs. But when I am with my mom, if I needed to, I would be able to call my uncle or grandma, and one of them would take care of it.

And thank you. I really think talking to a counselor would benifet me, but my father seems to, unfortunately, have something against conselors. I want to set up an appointment with my school's guidance councelor, but I don't know if he usually does stuff like this for students. I have only heard of students coming to him on advice about school things. Also, I am afraid he would tell my dad :/ If my dad knew what happened with my mom, he would never let me see her again, AND he would be very, very mad at me for not telling him.

Thank you so much I really appreciate it I am looking forward to having PC be my family

Thank you BLUEDOVE I appreciate it By the way, I am a girl :P Anyways, thank you for the compliments As I mentioned before, I'll try to see if I can talk to my school councellor. Thank you so much I really do appreciate it

Dear Hippy,

That's not only child abuse but also child endangerment. You and your sister have gone thru something traumatic. When parent doesn't behave like one, it definitely affects you emotionally.

Your dad is not behaving very responsibly by refusing therapy for you.

How is your sister holding up against that incident? You both should talk with each other about it...it would definitely lighten the load for both of you.

Talking to a school counselor is a great idea and both you and your sister should try it. School counselors are not for school related purpose only....they are there to help students in any way they can.

If you can, please push your mom into therapy. She really sounds like a person who could benefit from therapy....maybe you guys can even use a lil emotional blackmail that you won't be visiting her unless she enters therapy. You may never know, she may actually start behaving like a mom to you guys.

Good luck! We're here to help!!

Thank you My sister doesn't like to talk about it. She and I are very very close, but when it comes to things like that, she tends to close herself off and ignore the problem. I'll try to get her to open up about it sometime. And I'll try make an appointment with the counselor, then I'm a little nervous, I have never talked to anyone about things like this before, but I'll do my best. Thank you And my mom is in a lot of therapy. When she was in rehab, she had lots of counseling, and last time I saw her, in the beginning of October, she went to a therapist every other week. She is doing much better now, aside from a few relapses here and there. I know my mother is diagnosed with a few mental disorders: BPD, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and depression. However, she doesn't take medication for it, she is currently living a medication-free life (including things like Tylenol for the occasional headache), and is relying on herbal remedies she makes from home, meditation, and incense. Hopefully these things will help, as she also has a history of misusing medications. I guess we'll see in time!

Thank you