[livinginhell]

I filed contempt on my ex on our protection order. He violated it and got away with it, a slap on the wrist, that's it. I had to file again recently twice, and now he has a lawyer, I don't know where to turn, he has stopped paying child support to make sure I am broke. I can't afford a lawyer now, and it's a $750 fee for this. Legal aid doesn't do contempt for DV...... I have nothing and he was supposed to serve jail last time. He is bullet proof basically. Abusers always get away with everything.

[Yoda]

Do you know where a domestic violence shelter is?

[livinginhell]

we don't live together, i forgot to mention that. he is married to my ex best friend........ yah it's like a freaky movie. it's weird as heck, my kids don't want to be there. i feel like he does this stuff to get under my skin and see how far he can push the cpo. it expires after 5 years in september 2015...

[mazing]

I'm sorry you have been through so much and that he is still finding ways to negatively impact on your life Are there any DV support groups in your area? They often have links with legal professionals who might be able to help you or at least give advice. As horrible as it is I'm sure this has happened before and they might be able to help or point you in the right direction.

[livinginhell]

Well apparently I have ticked him off enough that he has filed for custody of our kids....

[mazing]

I"m so sorry to hear that I really would seek legal aid again. They can help with custody cases. The DV supports often also help with that.

[livinginhell]

Thanks for the advice, I did contact legal aid but because the hearing is within 30 days they cannot...I filed continuance papers on my own yesterday morning (Friday) asking for more time so I could secure counsel through legal aid. I asked for at least 30 days and wrote on the paper that it was because legal aid required it. I just hope Monday they call me and approve it.
My kids dad was vicious enough to slap me with 2 contempts and attorney fees along with the custody. He should feel lucky he even has visitation.

[Alone & confused]

My ex gets away with everything too! It's amazing how the abusers walk free & force their victims in to hiding or constantly looking over their shoulders! Mine FINALLY got 2 or 3 yrs in the pen a few yrs back, but ONLY after a death threat against me & the only reason was because he said it in front of the cops, who were arresting him for being a felon in possession of a firearm. They didn't take me serious until then! But, he's been out for a while now and is still getting in trouble and getting away with it! so I know your pain and aggravation! There needs to be some serious changes to the domestic violence laws! I wish I knew how to help you with this! But if you need someone to talk to who's been there, feel free to pm me anytime. I know I was calling anyone who would listen, national abuse hotlines, women's shelters, legal aid, prosecuting attorneys..... everybody trying to get help! I think I may have even called a few churches. It was HORRIBLE trying to get me & my kids safely away from him! And he still to this day makes my life hell! Just not in the same ways that he used to. Good luck! Keep us posted & let us know how things are going. Maybe someone will be able to help you find the help you need.

[nicoleflynn]

Have you called the National Domestic Violence hotline? They can help.

[livinginhell]

I am just hoping they give me the continuance right now I don't know what I will do if it isn't granted.

What can the National Domestic Violence hotline do nicole? I've never called before.

[Rhiannon10]

Unfortunately the hotline hasn't been able to help either. I am Extremely Painfully going threw the same situation as well. Sickening how the abuser can destroy so many peoples lives and having the system so manipulated into them thinking I'm not well. Just like he has been inflecting on his own mother where he resides with my daughter to have to watch and live in fear for 9yrs. All the while I have been trying to get her out of there. Just like I did for my other 2 children sake. Now the school system finally recognizing it and reports to have her removed. So while this is going on he has finally manage to but his OWN MOTHER in the hospital of a heart attack from the amount of abuse she has endured over 11yrs from him. I tell them I've only been trying to report his abuse for 9yr. But everyone still helping him work on arrangements to keep his daughter. What a great system, and basically telling me I'm not the one with custody of her so I don't have a say in the matter plus I live in another state and they don't cross jurisdiction. I feel your pain and hurts me to see this happening and allow it when it clearly states the Domestic Volence is Against the LAW, Any ABUSE for that matter.

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by livinginhell

I am just hoping they give me the continuance right now I don't know what I will do if it isn't granted.

What can the National Domestic Violence hotline do nicole? I've never called before.

They can give you information and resources to help you. It is a relief to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. I hope you will call them. Nicole

[livinginhell]

He won the contempt case. His lawyer objected every word that came out of my mouth..... I could have cried.

[Alone & confused]

OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY!! THIS SUCKS! Is there any way to appeal? This is terrible!

[livinginhell]

I just feel like I can't take it anymore

[livinginhell]

I am breaking guys. I don't know what to do. It's not mental hospital time or anything but inside I am broken and feel like I am losing it all.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by livinginhell

I am breaking guys. I don't know what to do. It's not mental hospital time or anything but inside I am broken and feel like I am losing it all.

Stay strong honey! We're here for you! My advice (for now) is retreat, relax, regroup, refocus, and when you're well rested- regain control of the situation. You need time to take care of You, so you'll be able to take care of everything else. Pace yourself, a little at a time so you don't keep getting overwhelmed. Close your eyes , take deep , slow breaths, & focus your energy on remaining calm. Try to clear your mind of the negative energy, & only allow the positive energy in. You can do this! There's got to be a way to turn this thing around to your advantage. You just have to "keep it together" until we figure out how.

[livinginhell]

Today I was completely detached and had several nervous breakdowns. It was awful

[Faking sane]

I have been exactly where you are now. EXACTLY. Court orders don't mean anything to criminals. My ex used to never show up to an EPO extension hearing. Instead, he'd cruise around the courthouse looking for whatever vehicle brought me and kick the body panels in. And I'd have to be back in 2 weeks for another extension. I knew he did it, everyone knew he did it, but with no one seeing him do it, he couldn't be charged. Mine was already involved (and had a baby with) someone else, too, but he enjoyed the predatory game of messing with my life. Cops are useless. Courts are useless. Mine did the same thing. Drained me financially from multiple directions, stalked me like crazy, to the point where DCFS said the kids weren't safe with me because of it. They said we'd have to agree on a family member or they'd go to foster care. The was currently a big story in our local news about a 3-year-old child that had died in a negligent foster home, so I knew I'd have to let them go to his parents' house because he'd never grew to anything else. We got a court order where they had them half the week and I had them half the week. I was to pay 25% of my income to them for child support. They did not ask him for any support. I was fine with that and was doing it, so he upped his game and started stalking me at work, causing me those several jobs. When I couldn't pay, they stopped letting me see the kids. I was out of money to get the lawyer back to court, so they just got away with it. I kept trying to call and they wouldn't even let me TALK to the kids. Eventually they sold their unsure and fell off the map. My oldest son (from a prior marriage) finally found them on MySpace 9 years later. The grandparents had taken them from IL to NV! And filled their heads with lies about how all I had to do was pay to see them but it wasn't worth it to me. They are all sick. Now I'm sick, too!

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[Alone & confused]

I get SO SICK & TIRED of hearing stories like this!! It is ABSOLUTELY INEXCUSABLE how abusive men keep getting away with this BS! I HAVE NO FAITH AT ALL in the judicial system! Hearing things like this makes me so damn mad I don't know what to do with myself!! My ex gets away with so much it is unreal! It's enough to make me want to become a political activist and fight to change the laws that are protecting the SOBS!

[livinginhell]

I totally broke today from the heart. I got interrogation papers from his lawyer that I can't do anything about. I have 27 days to turn them in and they want signed releases about my medical history. Dr's and meds and everything. I am so scared.... I am a broken soul.

[livinginhell]

On top of everything I was in the ER crying because the pin in my toe got pushed too far in to the bone and is causing so much pain it's unbearable. I didn't want to be doped up so I asked for Motrin. The x-ray came out well, but the pin is really far into my bone now.... This is bad.

[Lillybet]

I have no suggestions or ideas, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I really hope things start to go your way. (((Hugs)))

[Faking sane]

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. Whoever had the idea about taping his threats was right. Don't get too nervous about them getting your medical records... At least that shows that you're actively working on your issues. Yes, they're going to try to use it against you, but if it doesn't affect your children's safety, it shouldn't count against you. I know it's very intimidating that he has a lawyer and you don't. Even if you don't plan to leave your home, still contact a domestic violence shelter, because they often have people who will help you navigate the legal system. Make sure that when you go to court you have someone there to support you. And please keep us posted. My heart aches for you

[Faking sane]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

I get SO SICK & TIRED of hearing stories like this!! It is ABSOLUTELY INEXCUSABLE how abusive men keep getting away with this BS! I HAVE NO FAITH AT ALL in the judicial system! Hearing things like this makes me so damn mad I don't know what to do with myself!! My ex gets away with so much it is unreal! It's enough to make me want to become a political activist and fight to change the laws that are protecting the SOBS!

I'm right there with ya! My kids are grown now and what's done is done, but anything I could do to help other people in the same situation would lift some of the vast feeling of powerlessness out of my life!

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