[biiv]

ok i was just wondering what people thought about something my dad said to me the other day. id just seen him for the first time in a month and he asked how things were going at school so i said i thought it was going really well and there were some of the things we were being taught that came pretty naturally though i expected things to get much harder after christmas. so he replied saying "i wonder what you re missing out on? whats going over your head that you re not understanding?".
anyway i just told him i didnt think that was happening and rolled my eyes to myself and moved on but when i mentioned it to mum later she said that was horrible and seemed really upset. should i have been more upset by that? my t also keeps asking me to talk and write about dad and i dont really see the point. i dont feel anything in particular for or against him. is that because im numb about him and stuffing or because im just over it and have accepted hes a jerk?
i told T dad has basically told me he resented me and my sister ever being born and she kept pushing saying how did that feel and it must be very hurtful to never have had him there and i dont feel anything about it. is that a bad thing? what am i missing here? i mean hes messed up and can do only harm. the end. what more is there to say? what am i supposed to be feeling and whats wrong with me that im not? should i be reacting to stuff like that? im a bit curious. any ideas or comments anyone please would be great. id like to understand this more and get some more perspectives on it.
thank you.
biiv

[Soidhonia]

Hello biiv I feel that the appropriate reaction is to keep yourself and your mental health safe and think that you are doing well in school, and if you have problems in the future, you will face the problems as they come. I hope you dont put too much thought into what happened with your father. Everyone is entitled to their thoughts and feelings and as you said you are doing well in school and you are taking a very positive approach to the future and school. i hope the best for you in the future, take care Sincerely Soidhonia

[lenjan]

Well yeah, your dad was a jerk to say that to you. I finished my bachelor's degree while working full time and going to school full time, and I maintained a straight-A average till my 2nd to last class. When I told my dad, he said, "A 3.9 isn't very good."

!!!

By that point, I was able to roll my eyes and blow it off, but I was well into adulthood. Had he said it 10 years earlier, I would have been crushed.

It sounds to me like you have just become used to and resigned to his behavior. It can be hard to feel anything for people who have abused us somehow -- it can take a long time to learn to feel anger on your own behalf, even if other people feel it for you.

Candy

[Gemstone]

I think your reaction was appropriate for you at the time. We deal with things as we are able. At some point you may want to say something to your dad when he says things like that to you, but if you don't thats okay too.

Biiv, you shouldnt have reacted any other way than your natural reaction. you shouldnt feel a certain way, or think you should, because you dont.

you are numb to him because he has hurt you so much in the past that you are now guarded against it, you are strong, and the walls you have built between the two of you wont be destroyed anymore... definately a positive sign that you reacted that way.

so what if he doesnt rate you highly, we all do. i think you are doing great in school and you have got a great future, so what if your dad doesnt agree, hes obviously full of so much resentment for the way his life turned out that he is trying to take it out on the nearest person, which at the time was you.

just continue being yourself, and if he says something that hurts or upsets you, let him know. just act naturally.

take care

simon

[almostangela]

I think it is wonderful that you didn't react like your mother did. Peace is in acceptance and you know who he is and it no longer hurts you. This is great. Your mother has her issues and she is welcome to them. You have chosen not to fight something that you could never win. YOU WON!