[Zen888]

Hi Everyone

I hate the fact that I am related biologically to my abuser. My abuser is no longer alive. But, I have intrusive thoughts and flash backs.....repressed memories of what my abuser did to me. My greatest fear is becoming like my abuser. Even though I know in my heart I would NEVER in trillion years hurt a child.

How do you get beyond what your abuser did to you now that you are an adult....even though that scared little child is still very much alive inside you?

[mtd]

My abusers were not family members, but my mother died when I was a young child and my father might as well not have been there because he was so distant. He didn't even let me call him "dad" -- we were literally on a first name basis. He really got distant when he went to prison. Anyway, for me, I picked new family. Friends who I could come to trust and be with at holidays, call with my problems, and whatever else I needed family for. My father's out of prison now, but I still go to my friends/new family for Thanksgiving and I'm totally comfortable with that. My child within likes that.

Be well,

mtd

[InACorner]

I understand how you feel Pilatus. My abuser was my mother and father and st epfather and grandfather and my friends grandfather who i before he did that considered him a grandfather. Its horrible, you lose a sense of family because your so busy trying to survive the ones who helped bring you into this world. Its really ridicious. What i hate most about having them as my abusers is it says in the commandments honor thy father and mother. Well how can i do that? How can i be a good person in the eyes of God and say Yes ive forgive them, I dont and i dont want to have to keep in contact with them just because they are my parents. Good luck, my thoughts are with you keep being strong and know you have friends here you can trust. PM me anytime

[wisewoman]

It's almost funny that 2.5 sec before I came here and read your question I was wrestling with being related to the abusers. Yes It is most difficult. Time to come to terms but oh so difficult.

[vanna123]

it is quite difficult -- i cannot stand the fact when people say oh are you so and so's brother or sister or daughter and I totally deny it. I have a cjosen family now and spend my time and holidays with them --- lean on your friends like a family my friends have been better than family in terms of support and love and care
take it easy

[LILITH]

Yes I hate that some of my abusers were family members. I hate the fact that I was abuse by anybody.....

PILATUS
(I <font color="purple"> </font> REACH FOR YOUR HAND)

YOU AND I ARE ALIKE, I WASN'T RELATED TO MY ABUSER, MY MUM WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HIM, HE WAS PART OF OUR FAMILY FOR A LONG TIME THOUGH, MY DAD DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE AFFAIR, I DID AND CARRIED THAT GUILT ALSO. IT'S SO HARD, LIKE YOU SAY.WE STRUGGLE ON AND TRY TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

I'VE HAD TWO CHILDREN - OFTEN I WONDER HOW I CAN BE AN ADULT AND A ROLE MODEL TO THEM WHEN I'M JUST A SCARED AND CONFUSED LITTLE GIRL MYSELF. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THROUGH IT ALL, EVERYONE TELLS ME WHAT WELL BALANCED AND FANTASTIC KIDS THEY ARE - AND I THINK THEY'RE THE ONLY GOOD TO COME OUT OF ALL THIS MADNESS IN MY LIFE - BECAUSE I AM AWARE OF THE DANGERS AND I PROTECT THEM FIERCELY - FROM JUST ENOUGH DISTANCE AWAY SO AS NOT TO MAKE THEM FEEL BAD OR SCARED. I LOOK ON THIS AS A GOOD THING THAT CAME FROM BAD.

TAKE CARE, IF YOU LIKE WE CAN BE SCARED CHILDREN TOGETHER SOMETIMES...THINKING OF YOU

JINNYANN XXXXXXXX

SMILE THROUGH THE RAIN AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR RAINBOW XXXXX

[Apis]

Wow, I think about this a lot, too. Yes, yes and yes. I think it fuels self-hatred. I try not to think about it, which leads to intrusive thought. spin-cycle

I also believe something good can come from badness, which is not my way of finding the silver lining in this. There simply isn't one. But it also doesn't mean you're destined to repeat what happened.

If a wormy larva can transform into a butterfly, there is hope for us. U didn't choose whose blood is in ur veins, a horrible accident to be born into the family. Same here.
It doesn't mean, though, that you can't be a separate individual, regardless.

Good luck 2 U, I'm glad you posted.

~E

[desperado]

Yes, Pilatus, I HATE that I'm related to my "father" who abused me.

He took away my life. My self-esteem. Everything. And I hate him for that, and I hate my family for sticking by him.

You know what else I hate? When people say, "Oh, your dad is so nice." Or, "You are __'s daughter? Cool." I'm thinking, yeah, right, if you only knew......

I really don't know how to deal w/ it anymore. I am going to move away. And hopefully cut my losses & start over.

Maybe change my last name, too......that might help.

Hugs.

d