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#26
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Jax, I have been the very same way! I've made all sorts of excuses for him, even thinking I had forgiven him, or worse yet, that there was nothing to forgive, that it didn't really matter because he didn't hurt me physically. Then I remember that my mom told me once that my oldest half-sister went after him with a hammer. Sarcasticly said, "I wonder why!?!" One of me neices called him a "horn dog." Hmmm...! My own mother told me she caught him looking up a maid's dress and feeling up her leg. And THAT brings up other issues with my mom. Where was she all this time when he was being "improper" with ME?? With her head in the sand, no doubt. The same place she had it when her mother abused me!
I remember wanting to get in bed with him once and he wouldn't let me. Too many witnesses! My mom and grandmother. I complained to my mom and she asked him. He just rolled over in bed and faced the wall. My mother said to me, "That is called 'rejection.'" Thanks loads, Mom!! How sick!!! How truly and utterly SICK!!!
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#27
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I don't know why it's coming up, either, Hon. It could be a delayed reaction to stress, or it could be a few catalists that have come my way. But as for the last layer of onion, I only wish! I think I'm only on the second layer. Now, it's not "okay" anymore. Now I know where my issues with abandonment come from! I could never figure it out before; not to my satisfaction. Now I know... and it makes me really angry!!! And to think there are seven males in the family named after him, including my oldest son. God help me!!
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#28
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(((((((SeptMorn))))))))
Life was different for our moms and grandmoms. In those days, they weren't allowed to speak up and they were told that men were gods and women were their servants. It's what I have to chalk it up to when I think of my mom and the whole sexual abuse situation. She KNEW-she had to of. She said she did and then she took him back again. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. ![]() |
#29
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jax}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm sorry that we both had to go through this. I'm sorry that any child has to be twisted and used like we were.
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__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#30
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#31
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tomi i am not really in a place where i can really answer this but i wanted you to know that i was thinking about you!!!
((((((((((((((((((tomi)))))))))))))))
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Live life passionately, love unconditionally. Hope for the best, laugh your heart out. Cry when you need to, learn from the past. And remember what is meant to be will find its way. |
#32
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Well the only hope is to keep peeling those layers... It helps a lot if we can identify the WHY to our feelings, it helps us feel more in control. But maybe the time has come for you to tackle those issues again... maybe your brain thinks you are ready for it???
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#33
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![]() ![]() Hon, I know you're not. Please don't feel bad at all about it, ok? Love you anyway. ![]()
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#34
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LOL Dumb brain of mine! Why couldn't it have just sat on it??
Last couple of days, I've made a point of wearing myself out and not going to bed until I just couldn't keep my eyes open. It's helped a lot! I've fallen right to sleep without any flashbacks. I can control the thoughts a whole lot better during the day. I can think logically when the sun is up plus it makes it easier to peel away that layer of onion.
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#35
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I've been having memories of my Dad pop up the last couple of months, like you I've trying to figure out why.... I think time of year... no... my son moving out... no...his birthday/death no...
For me I really think I am at 51 ready finally to deal with it... I can't for the life of me figure out why now but there it is.... Maybe that is the case for you? Maybe not.... I do know it has triggered the wore depression I've had in years... Take care, freewill |
#36
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Who knows why memories come up when they do. Maybe it's right that they come up when we're ready to deal with it. In some ways, I wish I had known when I became a teenager. I wouldn't have been seeking approval and masculine love the way I did! Teenager, heck! I did it between marriages, too.
![]() Maybe it's time for me to do something more than what I'm doing. Before, I always accomplished things through my anger. When I dealt with my abuse, the anger went away, leaving me without winds in my sails. There's been resentment for my T for leaving me that way ever since. It also takes a crisis to change the status quo. It might be a good idea if you and I looked at it from that angle, you think, maybe? ![]() Good luck, Freewill. PM if you need to, ok?
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#37
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I don't know either why they come when they do, but some believe they come when we are ready and the way to deal with them is to charge right at them.
Maybe, this is your time, Septmorn. The nest is empty and now it is your time, to charge right at those thoughts and memories. ![]() Thinking of you today. |
#38
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Undoubtedly it's time for me to deal with that part of my past, now. I'm hoping it will be easier that it was with the grandmother. I had to figuratively shove her off a cliff three times before "she would leave me alone." The father was a spinless wimp, in retrospect. Knowing that now, hopefully, will make it easier. Maybe now the flashbacks will also stay gone.
Thanks for your caring thoughts, Echoes. It truly helps! ![]()
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
#39
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((((((((((((((tomi))))))))))))))))))
__________________
Live life passionately, love unconditionally. Hope for the best, laugh your heart out. Cry when you need to, learn from the past. And remember what is meant to be will find its way. |
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