[daisychain23]

I was mistreated to say the least by people who are supposed to care for you and now its left me with P.T.S.D and I don't know what to do.

I went out with some friends and got into a bit of a drunken argument. I was then arrested and took to a police cell and stripped naked and made to bend over by force by male officers while another searched my body inside. It felt like it went on for hours. I felt like I was being raped, it was so terrifying I was scared and I moved to try stop the pain. I was then tied up by my hands and legs naked, and they just carried on searching me.. It was so humiliating I cant seem to know how to get it out of my head.

I complained about it, but as there was no CCTV in the cell, they got away with it.

Now I have nightmares of it and constant flashbacks of it happening and I just don't know how to deal with it. I get so anxious when I go out just in case I see them and I cant even go to a place where you have to remove clothing, ie hospital as it just brings it all back to me.. does anyone have any suggestions.

I just so want my life back.

[bluekoi]

daisychain23, Have you thought of seeing a therapist to help you deal with the trauma? I'm sorry this happened to you. I would feel violated and afraid, too.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, daisychain23, and welcome to Psych Central! I can understand why that experience would be so upsetting. What they did was terribly wrong. It does sound like rape.

I also think seeing a therapist would be the best thing to do.

[SkyWhite]

Welcome to PC Daisychain23. I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. Do you have a therapist? That would be a very good place to start healing from this.

Because this rape and abuse was perpetrated by civil servants, it would also be completely within your rights to refer the incident to your city counselor or a lawyer (some will give an initial free consult). Know your rights. These men were paid with your tax dollars to serve you, not rape and humiliate you.

Take care of yourself and if you decide to take legal action be sure you have good supports and a good therapist.

[daisychain23]

I am going to see a therapist soon, but the waiting list is a few months long.

And I have thought about getting a solicitor but they will say there is no proof and evidence, as there was no cctv in the cell, and without that I will get no where.

They already denied leaving me naked, searching me naked and tying me up, when I told the duty officer.. he just said ' they would never have done that' and said make a complaint if you are unhappy with your treatment.

I told him that they did and he just said, it would be on the custody record if that happened, and as its not, all I can do is make a complaint.

I just wish the constant video of it all playing in my head would go away. Its like I have to re live it all day every day. I used to wake up at night with flashbacks and nightmares of it. Now I get scared in a room with the same colour paint on the wall, in a room on my own as it reminds me of it, and have what I call body reactions.. its like my body can remember what it felt like at the time, like down there and my boobs feel like they are exposed , when they are fully covered.. its just all so confusing. I wish someone could just get an eraser and erase it all from my mind, and make all the triggers go away.

What bothers me the most is that I was supposed to be in a place of safety and now I feel like if you cant trust the people who are supposed to keep you safe, then who can you trust. I also self harmed when it all just becomes too much for me having a constant video of it playing in my mind, all day and night.
I don't think its even getting better as time passes as the longer I have it in my head, the more things being to remind me of it, like the colours of walls... if im standing too close to a wall, it reminds me of being naked. I cant even bend over sometimes as it reminds me of it all. As for attending a hospital or any place like that... I just have a panic attack and instantly have to leave the minute they say you have to remove clothing..

Is there any thing I can do to help myself with all of this until I get to see a therapist as its all just too much to deal with on my own.

[SkyWhite]

That makes me so angry what they did to you and then they get away with it.

I would suggest you keep posting here. I can only see my T every couple of weeks or so and between those visits PC has helped me a lot. You won't feel so alone in all this. Find people you can trust to talk to. You've experienced a very serious assault and you need support from friends and family if that's possible.

Find out all you can about PTSD. There are probably some good books in the library. There may not be anything you can do about the a--holes who raped you, but you can learn to take your power back.

[bluekoi]

daisychain23, Keep posting on PsychCentral. It really helps knowing other members care and support you!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by daisychain23

I was mistreated to say the least by people who are supposed to care for you and now its left me with P.T.S.D and I don't know what to do.

I went out with some friends and got into a bit of a drunken argument. I was then arrested and took to a police cell and stripped naked and made to bend over by force by male officers while another searched my body inside. It felt like it went on for hours. I felt like I was being raped, it was so terrifying I was scared and I moved to try stop the pain. I was then tied up by my hands and legs naked, and they just carried on searching me.. It was so humiliating I cant seem to know how to get it out of my head.

I complained about it, but as there was no CCTV in the cell, they got away with it.

That was still police brutality and abuse of their power. A lot of abuse happens when there are no witnesses. Then they can get away with everything. that still does not make it right! I am so sorry that happened. I can only imagine what it must have been like---and it is pretty bad, later on. I still have my own body memories of the things that have happened to me. There were no witnesses in my abuse either. Someone, once, at a hospital, when they were asking me about my history, said, "Oh well, if no police were present or witnesses, there was probably no abuse." Like h*ll there wasn't.

you know it happened. You feel it.

I believe you.

Keep posting.

And I hope the help comes thru and you can deal with it in counseling. you deserve to get past this!

Carol

[daisychain23]

thank you all. I try to sleep at night sometimes but even taking of my clothes a little bit reminds me of it all over again.. its like watching a video of yourself being attacked all day every day, and my privates just hurt every time like im supposed to be doing something sexual or something. its all so confusing. its like sometimes I don't want to go to sleep or stay awake either because no matter which I do, its there in my head. its like I have nightmares of being naked and having things inside me, the pain hurts so bad, I wake up crying and panicing

my goodness. that was a terrible experience i am so sorry you had to go through that. stay on Psych Central and talk to us :flower: maybe you could journal it until you see a therapist and write a little every day to get it out? or is there a friend or family member you can talk to? other than that, i found browsing PC threads on here keeps me busy and distracted.