[cajun]

.....Posting on this forum have something in common. We were "betrayed" by someone who was supposed to love us. Someone who was "sick" themselves in some way or another. I think all of us would like to go back in time and change the bad things that happened to us. Unfortunately for all of us, that is not possible. We have to move forward and endure the pain. I have committed to understanding that "they" are the ones with the problems. I just got in the way. I didn't say to forgive, just to realize that they are the ones who are ill. I can't change the things that happened to me in the past. None of us can. I believe, however, that I must move forward and be productive for my marriage and the ones who do love me. That way of thinking has helped me tremendously. Maybe it can help some of you as well.

[Rhapsody]

[sabby]

((((((cajun))))))

Your strength and common sense will get you through anything!

A long time ago, I turned over the pain and everything that goes with it to the abuser....I don't own it anymore. It is his to own. From that day forward, life has been so much better for me. I'm glad you could do the same!

Hugsssssss
Jean

CAJUN,

YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME. I ADMIRE THE FACT THAT YOU MANAGED TO FIND THE STRENGTH NOT TO LET YOUR PAST GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR FUTURE. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. YOU HAVE HELPED SO MANY PEOPLE AND YOU HAVE HELPED ME IN SO MANY WAYS! YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO OTHER PEOPLE BY SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCES AND STRENGTH, GIVING SO MUCH OF YOURSELF.

LISA IS A VERY LUCKY LADY, I WISH YOU BOTH SO MUCH LUCK AND HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIVES. I TRULY FEEL BLESSED THAT YOU TOUCHED MY LIFE AT A TIME WHEN YOUR LOVE AND COMFORTING WORDS WERE MOST NEEDED.

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU AND CHERISH YOUR FRIENDSHIP....

KERRY XXXX

[Talulah]

Oh Cajun, I'm so glad that I can know that this is possible to do...............it is right?

I am so stuck right now in the blame and shame of that. I am struggling to get past it, put it behind me, see my worth and move forward, but honestly, I'm doing so poorly. i'm not buying into any of it. i only feel so devoured, so ruined and so stained..............i hate, and I hate them and I hate me too.

I wish I could take your brain and stick it in my head for a bit.........mine isn't wiring to fire off those thoughts.

[FaithisAlive]

I would like to add that in accepting the abuser as being the one who carries the burden of guilt, we do forgive ourselves for all the years we blamed ourselves for the abuse...FaithisAlive

[SeptemberMorn]

Talulah, I back up what Cajun said. It is right. It will happen.

I went through a time like you are going through. I called it "mourning"; mourning innocence lost and mourning time. I lost a lot of good years being angry and acting out, losing relationships, etc.

No matter what your abuse was, Talulah, it was not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's all on your perpetrator!

You'll get through this. I promise.

[Talulah]

((((((((((((((((((((thank you)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Cajun, I'm still beliveing in you, so I can follow your carefully placed steps......

Faith, never thought that I'd have to forgive myself, you're right, just don't know when......

September....loving and feeling your care coming to me, thank you. I do feel it and it feels very nice. yes, I'm angry, ver angry at everything and myself and not getting it yet, just still punishing myself.

I am inspired to know you guys have strength and that I can maybe join you there in that place, maybe, just wish it was now...I see the road and it's.so.long.and.scary.

[desperado]

Tal, I am so right w/ you. You took the words right out of my mouth.

((((((((Tal)))))))))

Maybe we can go this journey together.......perhaps it will be less painful.

Love ya.

des

[Talulah]

Me:
reaching out to grasp des' hand.
Des:
I'm afraid, aren't you?
Septembermorn (way up ahead):
Comon' guys........those rocks and deep crevices are difficult but if you lag too far, you'll lose us....
Faith: (up with septembermorn):
If you guys go together and put all the weight of your packs down, it won't be as difficult.
Me:
Okay des, I'm scared, but we have to hold hands so we don't lose eachother. Cajun is waiting for all of us and the others are within sight we can't lose them.
Des:
Okay, if we trust eachother, we can try to do this.
(Des, reaches out and clasps my hand)
Me:
Wait up guys!!!!! We are having a hard time getting over this giant slippery and dirty rock....how did you do it??
Faith, Sept & others:
We climbed atop eachother's backs and we had a larger group. Wait here and we will get the supplies Cajun has and come back for you!!
Me and Des:
Don't leave us!!!!!!! We are scared......
Others:
Just hold together and don't slip off the path down into the deep murkiness below, we will come back and get you..
Me and Des:
Are Cajun's supplies strong enough to help us?
Others:
Yes, Cajun is the survivor, the wise one, with many tools we all us to get us down the road...
Okay, we'll wait. (huddled together, but holding hands tightly) We believe you.

[UmightKnowMe]

I think I can relate to the person who described themselves as being in a period of mourning. I think I am there too...I don't feel angry at them....but I am full of 'why did this have to happen to me?' 'what would I have been like if this hadn't happened to me?' 'why why why?' and lots of 'its not fair' and 'why didnt anyone help or save me?'
Is it wrong to feel and think this way? is it self pity? (I get real down on myself if I catch myself in real self pity)
How to move forward from this?
How long does it take? (please dont say years!)