[Musica91]

I am actively being stalked right now by my ex.

He tries everything to find me. I have seen him only once in person following our divorce (which was due to domestic abuse of me). When I saw him, I felt I was in danger, although he left (I got him to leave) before anything occurred.

I think my ex has psychosis or perhaps is drinking heavily or both or all of the above (I don't know - I just know something is wrong with him).

When I saw him, I noted a few physical symptoms - he is quite agitated; his face was bright red - I mean bright red! (somebody said maybe he is drinking? That is very possible - he did have a problem with it)

And he immediately began to try and control my life by telling me what to do with it (our divorce was final Jan 2012 and I have had no contact with him except once).

And he just doesn't sound like a sane person (with what he says).

And he is actively trying to find me. He was coming around too much in the city where I lived - he knew where I lived.

So I moved away quite a distance. I worry all the time about him finding me.

And he is calling friends and family - and now he found away to add me to his "Google circles" which I cannot delete or report (online).

I get weird letters from him forwarded from an old address.

I think I'm not safe, and do plan to talk to the local domestic abuse people next week.

Anybody been there? Anybody relate?

[cryingontheinside]

I can relate. My ex didnt just stalk me he got his best friend to stalk me too. His friend lived on my street.
My ex would phone me up saying things like "i know where you are. You got in a red car with a ginger haired woman"
He would phone me over 60 times in the middle of the night saying that he took an overdose.
He barged into my house and ran into my bedroom looking for evidence that i had an intimate relationship with any one.
His friend followed me all the time. I had my electric and gas cut.
It was really horrible and inbearable. I ended up moving to another city because i felt like i was loosing my mind.
Have you thought about getting a restraining order?

[Quarter life]

Dear Musica91

It is very hard for anyone who has never been stalked to appreciate just how awful this situation can be. Cryingontheinside describes it really well above...it can feel like you have no control over your own life, and that you are losing your mind.

I have had to negotiate unwanted intrusions from my stalker neighbour for more than 10 years. It is so important to not engage or respond to him in any way...this is what the authorities and experts say. It is also very important to keep all correspondence and keep a journal of dates and times and a description of the intrusions. Ensure that you tell as many people around you what is going on. Try to obtain a restraining order if you can...but unfortunately, this usually gives the stalker 'Just another Challenge'.....but give it a go.

Take care of yourself Musica91.

[Musica91]

Cryingontheinside,

I have had a restraining order on him before, but do not currently have one.

I had the judge give me a restraining order for the length of the divorce, but my ex used "dropping it" as a negotiation tool in the divorce (long story I won't go into here).

So currently, I do not have a restraining order.

There is a problem with getting one too - if I do that, I must face him in court to make it permanent.

And if I do, of course he will know where I relocated to - where I have moved to.

And that's what I'm trying to prevent.

I am so sorry you went through this - its awful! Just awful.

I hope you are out of this situation now? (are you?)

[Musica91]

Quarter Life,

Sadly, yes, you also describe it very well. Nobody should have to live this way, but we do and here we are.

Its hard because I relax just a little, and he finds a new way to get to me.

I cannot get a restraining order right now, because I moved to another town and do not want him to know where I am. A restraining order means meeting him in court. That would tell him the general area I live in, of course.

If he does indeed find me here (so far its just online right now) - if he actually comes here - then by all means I need to take him to court for the restraining order.

But for now, I think not doing that is best.

I do avoid engaging him - I slipped up, made a mistake and engaged with him one time - and saw immediately the mistake I'd made.

So I will never make the mistake again.

I am doing my best to take care of myself - but being stalked does make chills go down your spine, makes you wonder about your future, and yes, does make you think you're going crazy on occasion.

Hugs to you too! Be well.

[Musica91]

Oh and yes, I am keeping documents, making notes, etc.

I learned how to do that 3 years ago, unfortunately.

I also called our local Domestic Abuse center and spoke with them today too - they will help me do some safety planning.

Musica91

[Oliveaux]

Glad to hear you were able to speak to a shelter today!
When I was dealing with court stuff with my ex (VROs as well as him breaching bail conditions and stalking me) i was able to apply for my address to be kept off his copies of documents and not read aloud. It's perfectly reasonable to want to protect your privacy while getting a VRO, and the court should respect that. I don't recall how to go about it but I went through a family violence service which was attached to the courthouse and they did the paperwork etc for me. Do you have a service like that where you are?
Best of luck xo

Huggggggsssssssssssss I had a stalker once it's terrible

[mimsies]

Stalkers... Ick. Have had two ex-boyfriends stalk me after their respective breakups. They both had the same first name and were born in the same state- which is kinda weird.

When I was a kid my single mom was being stalked by an unknown person. He (presumably a he) left hang up calls and breathers, left pornographic pics nailed into our tree and taped all over the house. Took pictures of us as a family at places like the zoo and at movies and sent them to us anonymously. Even took pics of my brother and I on the school playground and sent them to my Mom... It was pretty bad.

I'm glad you are documenting everything. It is such a pain and so unfair to have to work so hard, but it is necessary. A few women I know who have been stalked felt more secure and more in control after they took self defense lessons, if that is any interest to you.

Hang in there.