This is scary...

I have been browsing this forum just a little, because it is really hard to deal with the abuse that happened to me, and reading the posts here is painful. As I am writing this I feel really anxious. Really scary. But I decided to write a little post here, and at least begin to deal with it this way. So there I go. Now I have to stop writing and take some deep breaths!

Hi Homeira, thank you for your courage in telling part of your story. Hope you have a therapist that specializes in this area.

I have cried sometimes reading the posts of what some people go through. I feel sorry for all survivors of abuse.

I have had cognitive therapy in terms of dealing with bipolar, but this got very little attention. I did not want to speak of it. Had some conversations with a psyciatric nurse about it. Nothing that really dealt with it. The last time it happened to me was in March. (rape and severly beaten). Before that I have lived fourteen years in an abusive marriage. What is wrong with me. Why does this happen to me?! I choose to be single these days...

Hi Homeria, thanks so much for sharing that with us. And however much you've managed to write that has to have been a really big step for you so real kudos to you!!!
And of course it's going to be scary, abuse is scary and a whole lot of other things, you know that so clearly yourself right? But now, you're not alone
And you are going to find so many understanding, so many supportive, so many inspirational people on here, people who are trying to "make it" just like you, people who are "making it", people who have "made it".............so wherever you're at you're not going to be on your own, we can be here for you.
And you know, read or talk about as much as might help you...........sometimes things might be too triggering and you might need to "step away" from those things, and that's OK whatever might help you.
And when you start talking about or working through more things, they might get a lot harder, but that can gradually be OK too if you're on the road to "healing". Just in your own time, hey??
So lean on us, get support from us as much as you need to, but remember you've shown you're incredibly strong in "just" writing as much as you have!!!

Alison

Great job Homeira, It is good to take a step and become active. Activation is key or we get no where.

Hi Homeira, I'm sorry I'm slow on typing!!
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that, but it's not anything wrong with you, it's not your fault!!!! The fault is completely, 1001% with the person/people who did those things to you.
And living in an abusive marriage isn't necessarily any sort of a "choice".........the abuser can so easily break down your recognition that you actually do have a choice/you do deserve more, you can be "blinded" by the abuse and the way it/they are making you feel.
So glad that you are away from it now!! I know it still has to be really hard for you in so many ways but now you're here, now you're talking about things, and now you can start on the journey towards overcoming this/and the things that have happened to you. I know it won't be/isn't easy, but............

Alison

thanks for all this support! I am soo tired, and must go to bed ( middle of the night here). Having all this support I think I will sleep well.