i have been to friends tonight. we got onto the subject of me being on here a lot.

my friend asked me if she could read my life story (which i wrote one night out of desperation.)

she is reading it tomorrow. i have things that are very deep that i haven't written in my story.

no one on this planet knows about some of the things i experienced.

i'm too ashamed to tell anyone which is why i'm waiting to see a proper pdoc.

i've been really triggered tonight with memories and i feel so ashamed. do i tell my friend everything? things i haven't even told my husband? i'm afraid she will back off and wont be able to deal with it.

i feel like i'm in hell right at this moment in time. deep deep things are so close to the surface. only myself and the abuser know what i am talking about.

i've never mentioned some particular details to anyone.

please help me

jinny xoxoxoxoxox

jinny,
I'm sorry you were triggered. it can be very trying, I understand.

As far as telling your friend... well that's hard to answer since I don't know your friend--- maybe first you can see how your friend reacts to your life story that you wrote. Some people are more able to handle things than others.

I think there can come a time in a person's life where they need to get their whole story out... but one must be cautious as to who they share it with.(IMO) It seems you are needing to voice your whole story, perhaps this friend is the right choice, or maybe a pdoc like you mentioned would be a good choice-- or maybe to start with-- someone that has perhaps gone through similar-- like some of the members here or on another site that you may belong to.

What ever you decide I wish the best for you. My heart is with you.

jinny-

mandy

i have things that are very deep that i haven't written in my story.

Maybe you could wait and see what her reaction to the story is. Then you could always say, "Well, there's more, but I've never told a living soul."

Do you think you could write the rest of the story, just to let it out? You wouldn't have to share it with anyone, (hell you could burn it, I've done that myself) but sometimes getting it out can help ease the burden.

Listen to your heart. It knows when and who to share it with.

[Goozie]

<font color="#000088"> </font> Jinny,
PM me if I can help you through my experience. I have gone through this very situation with friends and the lesson I have learned is: once you share it you can't take it back. Relationships change and evolve over time, and I know this all too well. I wish I could take back some of what I've shared at times since my abuse, and with hind site so clear I regret having shared with people I was intimate with as everyone of these individuals who supposedly "loved me" soooooo darn much at other times, then used it as a pathetic way to attack me in the end.

Character attacks are one thing when difficulties arise in relationships but when it is used as a weapon to destroy us with the power to revictimize, then we can get emotions rolling around that are fuelled by circumstances unrelated to our abuse, but a great target to use to try to break us down for self centered purposes by these deteriorated relationships.

I don't usually post but I share this because I know it too well, and offer it as something to think about as you apply it to how it fits with your situation now, and possible future difficulties that could come as a result?

I have learned that I easily take the hand of a friend who offers it and willingly share my story with someone who could benefit or use my story as a means to understand it's affects which are usually left to more intimate or strong personal relationships. Yet again, relationships change and if they get bad for other reasons, it is easy and natural to blow where the blow is felt the hardest. In time, you learn to protect what needs to be protected.

I have never been a proponent of keeping what my perpetrator did to me qiet, not even at the very hour my life was in the balance because IMO that feeds into EXACTLY what he wants and I would rather die than sit in any of that torture to my mind and soul and allow another human to silence me so they don't feel the consequences of the truth of their crime/abuse to me and others like me. He said he would kill me and people I loved if I moved an inch or spoke a word, yet the results are that I am alive with truth and support around me and I am thankful for the flight response and innate ability to run for possible safety despite the consequences of those real threats being carried out. He now sits in prison behind bars and his list of victims stop gaining names for awhile as society is protected for this time and the system has a clearer picture of what is easily hidden behind a mask of intelligence and charm.

If I could save you from any pain I went through I'd suggest that you discuss with a mental health professional or advocate in the field before you buy into what may in time be a more situational friendship or simply a person who there are questions regarding disclosing with them . Professionals are bound by law to confidentiality so you can be safe with that, but friendships can be too fickle even if it feels very strong and supportive right now. This is my opinion based on my experience only. But, I had to chime in if my situation could help you?

thankyou all so much. i dont feel ready to tell the other bits of my life just yet.

i will let my friend read my story, but the rest will have to wait. i cant even think of them (trying not to)it makes me feel physically sick.

thanks for caring

jinnyann xoxoxoxo

[madmusican]

(((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you hun

PM me if you want to, I am currently in a similar situation, we might be able to get through it together xxxxxxxxxx

jinny love to ya
a few know my story well each and there is only 3 knows parts of the story

i can share this that none have left me
all stick by me
yeah sure they get frustrated and upset but i think thats more cos they cant fix it

one is josh and man that was hard especially since someone else told him
at first i felt really embarresed and ran from him
but he came after me and held me and told me he loves me no matter what

gen knows more than anyone else and so she should since ive lived with her 7yrs and known her longer
she is still here never turned her back

if ur friend wants to know their either a gossip
OR THEY CARE ABOUT YOU AND WANT TO HELP but to do that they need to know some of whats going on

if ur really scared dont show em the whole thing.. but then by the time u prob read this they know it all

stay strong jinny
and if they can handle it give them time to absorb it all its alot to take in and its heartbreaking
if they are a true friend they will come back

and u always have us here

ur nerdy family at pc...

luv ya

bronee thankyou, sshe is a true friend and only wants to help. she says she is here and real and has a problem with me spending so much time in here. she actually feels pushed out.
i tried explaining that she hasn't been through abuse and people here have. but she will be there for me i'm sure.

thanks for caring bronee, i love you too

e.mom xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Numbers]

You know Jinn noone should pressure you into talking.. not even the sweetest and best and most caring friend. You know better what is right for you and she should trust your judgement. Let her help in the ways that she can because she is right you know, that she is there and she is real and it must be great to have such a friend.

Let her know that she is your true friend but most of all do what you need for you. If you need to talk to people who have experienced the same as you then you should do so. And we will always be here for you.

Big hugs to you.. and don't be embarrased about being triggered. It is not you who should be ashamed but the people who did you harm.

thankyou. you are so wise and caring. i should know not to be ashamed, but some of the things that happened i cant help it izzy

but thankyou for caring. i haven't heard from friend today so she probably forgot about it anyway.

love you, kerry xoxoxoxoxo