once upon a time........may trigger

there was a little girl of 2 who felt loved and secure. she had ballet lessons, mum tought her to read from cards, christmas was magical.
a year later, she was left nextdoor one night, he was asked to babysit. she remembers him coming to her room and flashing his privates - he was the local pervert. mum new this and left her with him.
about the same time or maybe i was 3, her mum had a series of affairs and took the little girl with her. the little girl remembers hiding once in the car because the wife came home and caught them.
the little girl remembers her mum kissing her best friends father in the kitchen, the little girl opened the door and was sent to her room.

years later when the little girl was eight her mum met a psychologist and went to him to stop smoking. he was also a hypnotist. little girls dad went away a lot.
when he was away, pdoc came to the house to hypnotise her mum, then go into the little girls room. this happened often, the little girle daren't use the bathroom and used to pee on the bedroom floor and pretend to be asleep when he came in. hypnosis is a powerful thing. the little girl suffered with all sorts of problems in private places, to this day she wonders why no one ever knew.
the safe secure little girl vanished from the face of the earth. a shell was left, a mask was worn, never felt quite right in anyones company. the little girl became sad and withdrawn and introduced to many things a litte girl shouldn't be.
the little girl had to keep the secret that her mom and pdoc were having an affair. she withdrew from her dad because of this.
when the little girl reached 15 and had suffered being in the same room with her mum and abuser having sex constantly, she put a stop to it, told her mum and wasn't believed.
that's when the different problems started, hormones, lack of self esteem, no confidence, social problems.

she wished she knew how to overcome these things and leave them in the past. others could do it. a boy called it did it and is so strong. what do other people have within themselves to cope so well, others droop like autumn leaves. the little girl still lives on somewhere, the secure 2 year old and the one that vanished, looking for a way out, looking to act and feel grown up with pride and confidence.

jin

(((((((((((((((Jin)))))))))))))))) You're a beautiful person, Jinny.

((((((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))

(pickle)(fuzzy)

love to you both, thankyou. i appreciate your comment but find compliments hard to accept... i dont think i'm a beautiful person. i have lots of terrible faults, guilt and self dislike.

kerry xoxoxoxox

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jinny}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Change a couple of the characters and my story is the same one. I have two small girls and a teenager inside me that were terribly hurt. Now they look up to me to take care of them and keep them safe, to fill their needs and love them no matter what.

It was a long road back, Sweety, but you can do it, too! My eyes are welling up wishing that I could pick up those two little girls of yours and tell them that they are safe now, that they are beautiful and worthy of all good things.

You have to believe this for yourself, Jinny, and teach them, nurture them and love them. Tell yourself and them that it will never happen again!

(((((((((((((((september morn))))))))))))))))))

thankyou. i appreciate your words. i feel so sick, i have a pdoc appmnt today i am pinningall my hopes on.

kerry xoxoxoxoxox

((((((((Jinnyann))))))))

You are so strong and I look up to you.

You ARE dong it. You are healing. I can hear it in you words and feel it in your poetry.

Keep writing, keep feeling, keep loving.

Thank you.

(((((((((((((sister))))))))))))))

thankyou so much. love you and your kind words of support.

speak soon

kerry xoxoxoxo