Hi!

I just wrote this text about my childhood pain and how I'm feeling at present:

It was awful. Just absolutely awful!

I was SO alone.. I had NO one. How can somebody BE so alone..

I'd like to make friends! I don't want to be alone anymore!

But am I good enough.. If I'm not good enough as I am, then I won't bother. I'm not going to change myself for ANYbody anymore!

This is how I'm able to live with myself If I don't change myself for anybody..

I'd like to get other people's take on this.. Any thoughts, feelings?

Having to adapt to other people's demands has always been a big issue for me. Now, as an adult, I'm finding it makes dealing with authorities such as teachers and employers difficult. Is it unrealistic to think you can go through life purely as yourself, or is there always some adapting you have to do? How do you not lose your 'true self' in the process?

Everyone has to have 2 faces as an adult. The face only you and/or your loved one's see and the face the rest of the world sees. The only ones that don't are the ones making the rules, running the business, etc. I try and think of it as my choice to do so to keep a job and go to school which helps avoid conflict with authority figures (which was a problem for me in the past). I hope you find the answers you seek.

[Georgia Bridge]

💌My working theory is that if I'm not good enough to someone as i am then more than likely I wouldn't really enjoy their company anyway.
My reaction to the chilhood abuse was to become a very solitary person. For that I was laughed at a lot and misunderstood by most other kids.
However, I was not able to change when I was a child and from our formative years our personalities are formed. I can change some things as an adult... have changed some things and hope to change more things... but I can't erase the kind of person I became... and now I wouldn't even want to try.

I am quite blessed in that I have government disability benefits, though. I no longer have to figure out how to change my behavior well enough
to keep from losing my job.... that was very difficult.

What other people's demands other than bosses, officers, and judges? With them I respect them within reason.

I am who I am, take it or leave it, and in the same respect I will do the same for you. Of course there is a little give and take in relationships, but getting into a relationship- any relationship- takes trust. We build a bond of trust then we go from there.

[starfruit504]

I think it's wonderful to focus on yourself and your own needs. Being able to compromise and actually changing for others are totally different things. You should be the best you for you and not for anybody else. Imagine all the things we'd be capable of if we all just loved ourselves a little more?

[flockpride]

You can't really compromise if you don't know yourself first. And compromise doesn't mean losing who you are, it means making adjustments intentionally for another person who makes adjustments for you.

[Shaly78]

Are there issues, diagnoses that says well you have problems with people? Is this attributed to your childhood pain, probably so? Does that have to trap you into a lifestyle of being perceived as a problem person, no get educated on why you have changed tell the important people also don't worry about what people say. Be a problem solver at work so that you don't run away from conflict do the best that you can in that area of life all else doesn't matter. You can remove yourself from people, the only place your forced to take it is at work, then their are ways you can be heard and not have that fear of losing your job. That is why is it important to have accommodations based on what you are dx with that way people might be a little more understanding if it comes to that and other reasons. You don't have to tell a soul your back story why you are the way you are...As long as you can do the job using the accommodations provided that is all that matters. I wish I would have had this an other perspective years ago I might not have to had taken myself off the shelf as a disabled person. It was way more than problems with relationship for me.

[Mama1967]

Originally Posted by d.o.a.

Hi!

I just wrote this text about my childhood pain and how I'm feeling at present:

It was awful. Just absolutely awful!

I was SO alone.. I had NO one. How can somebody BE so alone..

I'd like to make friends! I don't want to be alone anymore!

But am I good enough.. If I'm not good enough as I am, then I won't bother. I'm not going to change myself for ANYbody anymore!

This is how I'm able to live with myself If I don't change myself for anybody..

I'd like to get other people's take on this.. Any thoughts, feelings?

Having to adapt to other people's demands has always been a big issue for me. Now, as an adult, I'm finding it makes dealing with authorities such as teachers and employers difficult. Is it unrealistic to think you can go through life purely as yourself, or is there always some adapting you have to do? How do you not lose your 'true self' in the process?

I can relate to how you feel. I'm trying now to focus on getting myself thru a lifetime of making sure everyone else's feelings came. Score my own. So now while trying to take care of me, I realized I don't know who I am. So I have to discover me so I can show others my true self. Hang in there.

[Fuzzybear]

[Mama1967]

Hey there. How are things going for you? I have been thinking about your post and thought I would check in. I had to adjust my meds, so not doing great at the moment. I hope it gets better for us both.

Forgot about this thread for a moment - wow! Thank you all so much for your replies

I think that at the heart of this is my belief I won't be accepted as myself. No way, no how. My dad didnt want me and my mum took care of me as her duty, not because she wanted to/liked me. She also didn't want me to be myself and follow my heart because she hadn't had the courage to do so when she was younger, so she's always been jealous of the possibilities I've had.

I became the biggest people pleaser I know. Looking back on it, it was awful. I had no personality of my own, I just tried to do and be whatever others wanted from me. Until I got sick of it and went to the other extreme and started telling people exactly what I thought and how I felt about things. But this is what I fear will get me into trouble at work. And while I fear this, I also feel I'm going to burst if I have tell one more lie. If I have to put on a happy face when I'm not, in fact, happy. It's just, ugh.. Kills me.