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#1
Jul 14, 2007, 04:40 AM
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<font color="green"> Mostly just venting but trying to figure this one out. This week has been a ‘ahem’ hard one. Panic attacks and lots of emotional upheaval and much of it seems to be coming from that rotten inner kid.
I don’t know how others can love ‘the child within’ – mine is a whining snotty nosed pulling brat. If she is not tripping me up in my daily life she is raising an internal ruckus and dragging me back down. She doesn’t trust me and I surely don’t trust her. Every time I have felt like I could like her, she has shoved another vile memory into my face. Even now when I have worked through most of her crap she grabs the ugliest scenes and replays them again and again. Some days I don’t know which of us I want to kill more. I know she had a bad time, after all, I am she but does she have to wallow in the mire of it all? Does she have to rub my nose in it? Why can’t she just suck it up like she did back then? Why did she have to bury all these noxious feelings instead of just feeling them and getting it over with? Instead, she buried the pain, fear, and anger and true to form, the buried seeds have sprouted into a bumper crop! I don’t want to think about her any more. </font> 
__________________
dalila Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. -Erma Bombeck |
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#2
Jul 14, 2007, 10:38 AM
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((((((((((((((((dalila)))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with your inner child. I know at times it feels like they are in the way. But I think of it like this....when trouble hit, you were a child, you didn't have the coping skills that adults have at the time. She did her best to help you cope the only way she knew how. Now she is needing attention to work through those issues. I know it's not easy for the inner child to move on and learn things. It takes time and patience. I hope you can both find some peace soon. Hugssss J |
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#3
Jul 14, 2007, 03:04 PM
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I feel for you dalila, I have struggled with the same types of thoughts and feelings. I don’t have any magic answers for you. I had to keep going to therapy and keep working at it until I started to accept and integrate my inner child. I still occasionally have the thought that I wish the little brat would go away, but for the most part we “get along” fairly well. I hope you know you are not alone in your struggles
__________________
You don't have to fly straight...  ...just keep it between the lines!
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#4
Jul 15, 2007, 09:11 PM
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(((Dalila)))
Is this something you work on in therapy? My T has worked on some guided visualizations and some writing exercises to help me accept and sympathize more with my wounded kid parts. I also found some of the John Bradshaw books helpful. Some of his work is over the top and a little hard for me to accept, but a lot of it made sense to me and was helpful. The best book I bought on the subject was a workbook called Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self. I learned a lot about my self by using drawings from my non-dominant hand, writing letters to my inner child, etc. Those are some suggestions, but most of all, I just want you to know I understand your feelings and struggle similarly. Take care.
__________________
Fall down seven times, get up eight. -- Japanese Proverb |
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#5
Jul 16, 2007, 01:59 PM
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(((((((dalila)))))))))
Hoping you find the love and compassion you deserved back then!! |
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#6
Jul 27, 2007, 05:15 AM
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<font color="green">Thanks for your kind words and support.
I addressed this with my therapist on Tuesday. The session was rough to say the least, I kept trying to dissoicate and she kept working to keep me with her and working on it. I don't really know if I can even talk much about it yet. Talking about my inner child brought back a lot of the flashbacks -- they seem worse now than before and I have have been in physcial pain from them. I have experienced discomfort in the past during flashback[that is surely putting it mildly] however once the flashback is over the pain is soon over as well. Not so this time. I ache as if I was going through the abuse all over again! This is Friday morning and I still feel swollen and sore. I don't know if this is what it costs to heal but I am sick of this.     </font>
__________________
dalila Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. -Erma Bombeck |
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#7
Jul 27, 2007, 11:17 AM
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Hang in there dalila. It sounds like your T is on the right track—trying to keep you present and taking it slow. Just take it little by little and don’t push yourself so hard…
__________________
You don't have to fly straight... ...just keep it between the lines!
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#8
Jul 27, 2007, 02:32 PM
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(((((((((dalila)))))))))))
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#9
Jul 27, 2007, 02:50 PM
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(((((((((((((((( dalila )))))))))))))))))
__________________
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#10
Jul 28, 2007, 02:31 AM
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((dalila))
I had a few difficult sessions where I was not able to connect with T. I finally told him that I believed that when I don't bring my inner child with me or give her voice, it's difficult to connect. You are beginning to connect and it's so hard, I know. Take care of both of you.
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