Was it sexual assualt? Question for everyone--TRIGGER WARNING

I am a partner of a survivor and am not quite sure that I am not a survivor myself. I have been reading a lot about sexual abuse and the effects later in life. I have no memory of being abused as a child, but have always thought in the back of my mind that it was a possibility. I have several of the signs of sexual abuse.

I was reading through the forums yesterday, and stumbled upon something that jogged a memory. I guess I never really thought about it being "abuse" before. About 6 yrs ago (i am now 26), I was at a party w/ my friends. I was really drunk and went to lay down. This guy came in and we kissed for a while, and then I passed out. When I woke up the next morning, my pants were unbuttoned and my bra undone. I didn't remember any of this happening, but didn't think much of it. Later, I found out that he continued to fondle and finger me while I was passed out. I never said anything to him about it and actually ended up dating him for a few weeks after that!

What I was wondering was that if that is considered "sexual assualt/abuse". If so, I have other similiar incidents that have happened and am wondering why I've never thought of it as abuse before. (And why I would repeatedly allow myself to be put in these situations.)

Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks for reading.

Jenny

That is considered--he took advantage of you. It doesn't matter if you were drunk, passed out, or alert and awake. He especially took advantage of you being passed out from the alcohol. Even though after all this time you may not have really realized what happened and are just now coming to understand what took place, it has definitely affected you. It is something that has happened and you sort of "learned" that bad things happen to you, which is why these things repeatedly seem to happen. Some of it may be conscious, some subconscious. You don't have to know that it's a bad thing . You already described that you are just noticing a pattern and are now thinking that it's abuse. It is abuse/assault. Consider couneling/therapy if you haven't already. Reading and posting here on the forurms may help in addition. Many of us have been through this and can offer you a great support and insight. You've taken a good step already and noticed what has happened to you, and are now talking about it. Keep it up! Therapy will help you understand more about yourself and how this past has affected you. I say past because by getting help, you will change your future to one of better relationships and a happier all-over self.

This was a sexual assault. In my mind, there is no question about that. This person used you. If you were passed out while they fingered and fondled you, it was NOT a mutual activity. You were NOT consenting for that to happen. When you passed out, you were in a vulnerable position, unable to say yes or no to anything. For a person to take advantage of that is WRONG. I don't care if you were passed out and lying there completely naked, this did not give anyone a right to hurt you. Please do not fall into the trap of blaming yourself for what happened. Yes, you made choices that increased your risk, but even so you still did NOT deserve what happened to you, and it was still abuse. I agree with inkblot and ozzie that seeing a counselor would be a good idea for you.

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

***WHAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT?***

Sexual assault is any unwanted physical or verbal act of a sexual nature
forced on one person by another.

Sexual assault is a crime, even in marriage or a dating relationship, between
same or opposite sex partners.

FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT

One in three women is sexually assaulted some time in her life.
Nearly all sexual assaults are committed by men. The offender is most likely
to be someone you know: 57% of rapes happen on dates, 14% of married women
have been raped by their husbands.
More than half of all sexual assaults take place in private homes, and the
next most common location is in someone's car.
Men who sexually assault women are "ordinary" men. In a York University
survey, 50% of men said they would rape if they could get away with it.
Only about 10% of all sexual assaults are reported.
Women of all ages, races, cultural backgrounds, sexual orientations and
abilities ar sexually assaulted. Women with disabilities are at an even
greater risk.

What you went through could be sexual assault. The fact that you were passed out and your pants were unbottoned it is definatly something that likely did happen, otherwise why was your bra and pants undone?

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

Thank you all for your input. I am currently seeing a counselor, but not for this issue. I know I should talk to her about it, but wanted some advice first. I know I have very low self-esteem and have put myself in many unwanted situations in the past. I now have a loving, and caring partner of 3 years and don't seem to find myself in these situations any longer since I no longer "party" very often. I know I need to talk to someone about this issue, but feel ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it w/ anyone, so I never have. I am trying to deal w/ and figure out a lot of stuff in my life right now.......so might as well just add this to the list! ;oP

Thanks everybody.....i'll keep ya posted.

(((toothgirl)))

You are not alone on that, saying that you were in many unwanted situations after that. From the years of 1996-2001 something happened to me. Whether it was sexual assualt, harrassment even a threat of rape by someone in 2001, so I understand that completely. This was by 7 people.

If you were not sure, i'm sure your T would have understand, and for good reason why this was a concern for you.

If you find it hard to get out in the open, write it down, that's what I did.

Take care, and good luck, please keep me posted.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

You know? I think those experiences you had perhaps, are the reflection of other issues....Love yourself, a whole lot! and go ahead and talk to your therapist about what ever you feel makes sense to talk about.


gab