[Luce]

I am curious about how many survivors of childhood abuse - particularly by family members - have ongoing contact with the perpetrators. Where do you fit into the categories in the poll?

[leejosepho]

Today we are separated by 900 miles, and I think that is best even though I no longer have fear of more abuse or any significant anger over the past.

[Unrigged64072835]

Most of my abusers are dead. It makes it a little bit easier but I still have the flashbacks and memories.

[annabelle_01]

My abuser is my brother. It's very hard when I go over to my folks house or attend any type of family gathering, whether it be a birthday or a holiday. No one really has a clue how affected I am by the years of abuse. I'd like to be at those functions because it's my family and I also have two adorable nephews I enjoy seeing, but my brother finds his ways to push my buttons (he gives me dirty looks) and finds any way possible to get under my skin. It causes so much anxiety and stress for me. Though I have to roll with it because I hate causing conflict and I've said and done everything possible to make it known to my family (ie: setting boundaries)---it's exhausting and it seems all effort is shot. Thankfully, I have learned some helpful skills from the assistance of a truly amazing therapist who has stuck by me since day 1.

i do. i live far away but visit my family several times a year.its very complicated.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I can't answer the poll bc I don't know which type of abuse you are talking about?..My mum and siblings were emotionally and verbally abusive to us and still are..they don't care to interact with me more than I do with them...but still forced to have in in our life...there is according to the person I hold closest some fairly clear evidence that we were most likely sexually abused in someway..when very young. Don't know by who...but don't think know it was family cuz none of them give me weird vibes..so but think no contact with whoever did whatever to us...someone's gotta remember but not me and I don't want to know about it ever anyway

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

I can't answer the poll bc I don't know which type of abuse you are talking about?..My mum and siblings were emotionally and verbally abusive to us and still are..they don't care to interact with me more than I do with them...but still forced to have in in our life...there is according to the person I hold closest some fairly clear evidence that we were most likely sexually abused in someway..when very young. Don't know by who...but don't think know it was family cuz none of them give me weird vibes..so but think no contact with whoever did whatever to us...someone's gotta remember but not me and I don't want to know about it ever anyway

Abuse is abuse is abuse.

[MtnTime2896]

Still in contact, still within a forty minute drive (at least) and still wondering why. It is complicated and I will never try to explain why because it's so complicated that I don't even know the reason. To be honest, I'm still so confused about what happened and my mind's so overwhelmed with crap right now, I can't really figure out a different way to live. Screwed up, huh?
And yeah, I still deal with the verbal abuse from my dad when we're alone together for more that ten minutes. When people are around -- people that he wants to make a good impression on -- all of the sudden he seems like a really great guy. I don't know what to think anymore.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by annabelle_01

My abuser is my brother. It's very hard when I go over to my folks house or attend any type of family gathering, whether it be a birthday or a holiday. No one really has a clue how affected I am by the years of abuse. I'd like to be at those functions because it's my family and I also have two adorable nephews I enjoy seeing, but my brother finds his ways to push my buttons (he gives me dirty looks) and finds any way possible to get under my skin. It causes so much anxiety and stress for me. Though I have to roll with it because I hate causing conflict and I've said and done everything possible to make it known to my family (ie: setting boundaries)---it's exhausting and it seems all effort is shot. Thankfully, I have learned some helpful skills from the assistance of a truly amazing therapist who has stuck by me since day 1.

Mine was my brother, too. He is not inappropriate or abusive at all now, but the damage has been done. I struggle with the trauma stuff all the time, but seeing him really sends it all into overdrive before, during and after the visits, which only last a few hours.

[88Butterfly88]

No, he died when I was 6 and at that point I didn't even know he was an abuser.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I answered No by my choice and design and apparently I'm the only one who has done so. I have no contact with them, they live within 30 minutes of me, and I like my decision.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I do. my husband went into therapy and made restitution for what he had done to me --- my parents on the other hand, we still talk periodically. They live 300 miles away and I wish it were further.

[Sarmas]

I still do. We text and speak to each other on the phone a few times a year. We see each other maybe once or twice a year. My boys don't know what he has done and I don't feel comfortable mentioning it. They don't leave my view when I'm with him. My boys love him. I try to see things as something that happened in the past. It was what it was I guess. I just have to deal with the emotions and thoughts associated with it. I'm not sure how I did it while I was growing up.

[nutters]

I still do after a bunch of childhood (emotional, mental and physical abuse) trauma and I really don't know why I've stayed in contact through my adult life. I live about 2 hours away and don't see my parents or talk to them very often on purpose. That's about to change after I send an email I've been working on for some time now. I know this is going to be a big relief, and yet at the same time I'm afraid. I wish I had done this many years ago, I can't wait until it's over with.

[Lolina]

My abuser is my mother. I have cut all contacts with her at 14 when I left home with just the clothes on me and never went back. Fortunately my best friend at that time was able to accommodate me and lend me some clothes. We talked back again at about 19 I think. Even then our relationship has never been smooth, she has tried to control my life and how I spent my money and of course I always told her off. Anyway, last summer after my grandmother's funeral I asked her to apologise for what she did and she still accused me and said I was a difficult child who needed discipline so I just cut her off. I did met her at my sister's New Year's Eve party and the ambiance was not great and an uncle has tried to bully me and I just cut him off too (I was very disappointed as I was close to him but people can be quite strange sometimes and I accept it now). I just understand that the most important is to protect myself.

[NuckingFutz]

I am in complete no contact with both family and friends of family by choice. My mother is a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. She has had an extremely strong influence on family. The only contact my mother has, is with her offspring. Her brother won't even talk to her for his own mental health.

My family and their friends are so enmeshed with one another, I had to let the whole bunch of them go free. If I tried it with just the PD people, the rest of the family would take on the role of flying monkey's (I hope you are familiar with that term) and let my abusers know everything I was doing and saying as well as some stuff I wasn't doing or saying (triangulating).

I would like to find a good place to grow outside the PTSD from Childhood Abuse facebook group. There is hardly any learning or growing going on there even with encouragement from me and the other admins...just a bunch of self-diagnosed PTSD sufferers who use the page to vent...as in dump their emotional garbage, reject offers of help or assistance, suck up the positive feedback and disappear until their next emotional trigger.

I'm ready to do some work on me now. It's kind of scary, out of my comfort zone scary.

[NuckingFutz]

Hey Nutters, congratulations on your decision to go no contact.

Now about that letter you want to send to them...I would seriously think about actually sending the letter. Once received, they will try and do everything they can to reel you back in...even using the "but I've changed, I'm doing so many nice things for you now" tactic. They just want their narcissistic supply...your positive emotions and attention on them. You can write me if you want to talk about this some more.

[AVerySadThrow]

I'm essentially no contact by choice and design with both my parents (who emotionally abused me severely), and have told them I will only contact them with a short text to wish them well on holidays and to alert them to important changes (address, name, marital status, etc) but that is it. Otherwise I will leave the door open to a genuine attempt at a non-abusive relationship, but I do not have much of any hope in that.

Of course they also took a lot of my family with them, but you win some you lose some I suppose...I just not continue to take the pain of continued contact anymore. I held on so much longer than was healthy to do.

Yes, it's complicated.

Due to circumstances and culture, I still live with my parents and brothers.

Brother who abused me was physically abused himself, so he took things out on me.

I encourage him to seek professional help the rare times he brings up the parental abuse. In general we treat each other like strangers, unless he casually comes up to me saying he's suicidal.

He denies or doesn't remember abusing me. I set boundaries with him because I deeply mistrust him and more than shallow conversations with him trigger me and give me intrusive memories of what he did to me.

I stay as much a stranger as I can around my parents and siblings except my younger brother whose therapy I'm secretly paying for. Our parents don't know we're in therapy.

[Fuzzybear]

No (whenever possible) .. I don't want to eat them..