[lucami]

I need help but cant get it.. Is it really that much to ask for?..

[childofchaos831]

I feel like I am in the same situation... I am starting to think tho that it is more I am afraid to truly ask for the help that I really need...

[Skeezyks]

[Open Eyes]

Hi lucami, interesting that you picked Alice from Alice in Wonderland for your avatar. You know, when one is young and sees that movie they don't realize that "life" can actually be a lot like that movie where in life we can come across others who behave in some pretty crazy ways. You know, one would think that no one would ever really behave like the queen of hearts right?, ah but there are people out there that do behave in ways like the queen of hearts and other charectors in that movie/story. When one is young I don't think they understand the art in that movie that is imitating life.

The answer to your question is "no" it's not too much to ask or need help. The people that tell you it is are people that are the kind of charectors that don't know "how" to help, but, there are people out there that do know and are willing to sit and listen and help you work through the challenges you have that you struggle with. I have learned that help can come from different people and I find that one person doesn't have all the answers because no one has "all" the answers as we are all on a journey and everyone is a bit different in the amount of wisdom they gain.

[lucami]

@childofchaos831 go for it, if you have anyone you could ask for help, just deep breath and go for it I've been asking but no one really cares so I can only vent online..

@Skeezyks

@Open Eyes Interesting point of view, I didn't look at Alice in Wonderland from this perspective.. rather when I was a kid, I created my own Wonderland in my head, as weird and crazy as Alice's.. Everytime I was bullied at school, parents yelled at me, everytime I was sad, alone, I just closed eyes and were in Wonderland, with immaginary friends, on immaginary adventures heh.. I don't know if you play videogames, but theres american mcgee alice and alice:maddness returns, it's about Alice in Wonderland, but in very dark version.. I think it's imitating life well too, and that Wonderland is accurate to my current one.. Quotating Alice, 'My Wonderland is shattered. It's dead to me'..
thanks for saying so When I posted this I was completely desperate, my abusive father gone crazy again and I was so alone.. That's exactly my problem, few people says they want to help, but in the end this are just empty words because they dont know how to help, they don't know how hell of panic attacks feels, how damaging is living with toxic family.. so they only comes and goes.. and when I'm in the very dark place I can't count even on real hug.. sigh but I'm glad rhat there's internet and this forum, it keeps me going despite being on the bottom of everything..

[Open Eyes]

Well, that is what is positive about having one's own way of tapping onto creativity and imagination. For example, take Stephen Speilburg, he was bullied and struggled with dyslexia and his parents divorced. He tapped into his own creativity that kept him going and led to his work that so many have been inspired by. Now, what a lot of people don't know about his work is that many of his works are involving children with a mother and the father is absent. For many years he blamed his parent's divorce on his father and he finally learned the truth in that it was his mother and her cheating and dissatisfaction with her marriage that broke up the marriage. His mother was so outgoing and playful, childlike herself that was attentive to him that he could not see the "truth" and his father was always working very hard and tended to be more serious.

His work was a result of a child growing up without a true father figure and a mother that was playful and at times childlike. If you think about the mother charactors in his work, for example ET, the mother was portrayed as childlike and on the adventurous side and a bit corney.

Later in life he finally learned the truth and was lucky that his father was still alive so that he could reconnect and even appologize for blaming his father who was the one who was actually "loyal" and committed and worked hard to support his family.

I am sorry that your father is expressing dysfunctional behaviors that have been causing you to struggle so much. It's unfortunate but a lot of families have some kind of dysfunction and just because someone is an adult doesn't mean that individual knows how to problem solve or handle life challenges in a way that the children can gain from and feel safe with. I had experienced dysfunctional behaviors in my parents when I was growing up and it was not until years later when I learned more about them as individuals and their lacks had a lot to do with how they were raised along with their generational messages too.

The important thing you can do is make it a point that "you" learn and understand that some of your father's toxic behaviors most likely will not change. It's better if you work on growing in your "own" life and work towards finding ways to keep your father at a distance and look for healthier mentor type adults that have healthier behaviors.