Did something REALLY stupid and dangerous!!!!!!!

I feel really ashamed posting this, but Im hoping my friends here at PC can help me shed some light on why I've done the things I've done recently.

Please try not to hate or judge me for this......

I was raped 4 years ago. He told me his nickname, and told me he lived about 50 metres from a local shopping centre. I was able to find out his real name from a guy I worked with, who plays football on the same team as him.

Anyway, I started to try and come to terms with what had happened, and tried to move on with my life.

About a month ago, I started obssessing about the guy who attacked me. I think I found where he lives/lived. Maybe it's his parents house. He'd be about 26 now, so there is a chance that he no longer lives there.

This obssession grew and grew. It started with silent phone calls, and occassionally driving past the house. The drive by's grew to being daily, then several times a day, now, I drive past the house up to 20 times a day.

There was song he kept singing to me when we first met. I made about 20 seperate copies of this song, and sent them over about a 3 week period.

Things have just gotten worse. Last week, I did something really stupid and dangerous. I bought a heap of food, and poisoned it. Wrapped it all up like a hamper, and left it on the door step. Thankfully, I came to my senses and went and took it away before anyone got it.

I'm so scared that Im going to end up seriously hurting someone. All I think about is ways I could hurt him.

I'm too scared to talk to my T about any of this in case she involves the police. I don't know what to do!!! This has gotten way out of control!!!!

Please help!!!!!!!!

oh sweetie I am so sorry that this happened to you. Don't think badly, we all handle things in different ways. Is there any way you can tell your T you're acting in this way, maybe she will suggest telling the police about the crime? He may do this to someone else, he needs to be punished for what he did and you will be able to let goknowing he is paying for his crime. You will be able to move on and not harbour these thoughts and act in this way? You are making yourself ill, you really need to talk to someone abut this.
Please take care and think seriously about reporting his awful crime against you. God bless, pm me anytime, love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

(((((hugs))))... jinnyann has made such a good suggestion... reporting his crime to the police..... and letting them deal with his punishment... we are all here for you...

You need to talk to your T about this. She can't make you report his crime and you haven't committed one. However, you need to deal with your urges to punish him. I hope you reach out to someone who can help.

Best,
ev

((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

<font color="#000088">If you know that he is still living there, and it has only been 4 years, the Police should still be able to arrest him for the crime he committed. Then you have gotten your justice, and these feeling may get better with time. Especially knowing that he didn't get away with it! That way you won't have to worry about doing something crazy yourself, and getting into trouble,or putting yourself in danger again!
Involve the police, I really believe that's your best shot at this rapist! </font>