Sch nurse.

I've never spoken about this before today...I was telling T that I was struggling to get close to her and part of me was holding her at bay...she asked what I was protecting myself from?...then a long ago image entered my head and wouldnt go...I struggled for ages trying to find the words...I said this is soooooo stupid and outside of therapy its only a tiny little thing...T said that it may only be a tiny little thing but its had a hugh impact...that it has I guess...finally I told her...

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I told her when I was 12 we had a medical examination at sch...I remember being in my knickers and the doctor was a elderly indian woman...and she slid her hand inside my knickers and inserted her finger....I said it happened so fast and I grabbed her arm and pulled her hand away....I couldn't prevent it happening because I had no idea she would do this and no idea why she did it....there were no words spoken...T said would it be easier if it had been a man that done it? ...I said yes....but a woman and a doctor at that...T said you felt let down?....amongst other things yes I guess I did...I also felt really bad and was confused as to whether it was ok...but it didn't feel ok...

why would a female doctor do that???

> why would a female doctor do that???

I don't know. Was it not a regular part of the examination?

Maybe what's important is how it made you feel.

no it wasn't regular...I stood at her desk and she just turned and done it! ***** %#@&#! bithc

(((MOUSE))). I am sorry for your struggles at this time. I am sure that has brought a lot of standstills in you getting the therapy you deserve since you are waiting for someone else to harm you in some manner and that you will be violated again by someone in the medical profession. It is very hard to trust when you are violated by someone at such a young age, and do not see things in black and white on whether or not you were violated, and dont understand the situation and feel alone that no one was there to protect you because no one knew what was happening to the children from this woman. What happened was wrong this is not acceptable behavior from the (so called Dr) and I think B**ch was a good observation for the person and so is the word Pedophile(child molestor). I hope things get better for you soon Mouse. Just because it happened does not mean that you are wrong in feeling and thinking you were violated because that is what happened. Being invalidated is the worst form of misery and confusion, and I hate that you have lived with this question on your mind for so long. I hope your therapist can help you feel validated again in your need to feel okay in being angry and feeling your own feelings until you can feel better again. Take care PM anytime Mouse. I can use the word B**ch every now and again as well it doesnt bother me at all. Its good to be truthful and if the shoe fits why not tell it like it really is Right is just that Right. WE may know the same people. Take care and best wishes (((MOUSE))). Soidhonia.