[Bri7]

Hi, everyone!

I am new to posting in this forum. I have an extensive background of every kind of abuse you can imagine. Throughout my entire life. I am 31 now. I have only been to a few psychotherapy sessions in my life. Just recently, as a matter of fact. However, I am starting with a new therapist in a couple of weeks from now. Really looking forward to that since it will focus mainly on the most bothersome of all of the abuse I have suffered.

My question to everyone is I know I have heard that women tend to pick mates based of what their father's were like while they were growing up. Maybe, that is how I ended up with so many of the men that i did. I am recently divorced but the guy is living with me again. He is not working. Nor making any effort in that direction. I have had 3 hospitilizations since the first of this year. I am now not working either. I am on disability and I don't plan on going back to work any time soon. My check, just barely covers the rent. For the whole of this relationship, I have carried the brunt of the load financially. He is an alcoholic, and abusive. not so much physically, although that has happened just not really badly like you see on tv and such, where they put the women in the hospital... there is just too much he does to me psychologically to be able to put it down here in words....

I really think he plans on living off my check as much as he can. He'll get a job. it'll be very part time. He'll spend all of his checks on music equipment, beer, and whatever else he thinks he needs for himself. Maybe, I'll be able to get a few dollars for gas out of him, but that will be about it I think.

My question is --should I continue living with him in this manner? my plan is tenatively now, to keep him in the house--get whatever I can out of him--if he does get a job--make him pay 1/2 the rent. That way, I can save 1/2 my check each month-- through the winter months. I am waiting on a medicare reimbursement check. When, i get that-- just hang on to it--then I will have that money too--along with my next month's disability payment-- at the very least it works out to be about 1200.00. and could be as much ( if he gets a job relatively soon) as--2600.00-- in my pocket to move on. Or, do I get a cheaper renting situation by myself? I could only maybe find a rental about 1/3 cheaper than what I'm paying now. If, I'm lucky.

I think, I just answered my own question. I'll get the cheaper rental. It's worth it to not be so stressed out. I just have no way to move my furniture. If, I leave the house, he'll have to do something to take care of himself. Guess, I just needed to write it all out in front of me for it to make sense. No one need reply if you don't want.

Peace and Love,
Bri7

sounds like you know he is abusive. It also sounds like you are planning to change some of the dysfunctional behaviors from the abuse of your past. You are goign to see a therapist and you are wishing to change things in life that have prevented you from getting the life you really want. Given that, it seems this might be an opportunity to do that. I guess that is the bottom line decision (although I know finances are important too, but it seems he wasnt really helping much anyway).

[Juliaspavlov]

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Bri7 said:

My question to everyone is I know I have heard that women tend to pick mates based of what their father's were like while they were growing up. Maybe,

My question is --should I continue living with him in this manner?
Bri7

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My dad was a good provider despite all his drunkenness.He often
got robbed of his pay due to how drunk he was.We were poor but
there were seven kids.
I chose a husband who keeps us poor...I tell myself for richer or poorer...
Once my friends and daughter tried to get me to leave him.
But I'm a sucker for love.
now been married for 25 years soon 26 years. I think the fact that you haven't married is an indication that this one is not your final choice.
I can't give advice because there is something in me the same as is in you.IMO.......kind thoughts that you do what is good for you..Jjulia.

[1oxbowgirl]

I often say that writing things down, makes things clearer, and in your case it worked you answered your own question. I am proud of you for coming here and sharing. I also hope you will continue to come back again and again. Best wishes to you in your handling of this problem in your life.