So now I went and talked about it and my therapist asks where are my emotions? Who knows. I don't have any emotion on it. I feel sad that it happened but I don't cry. I dont feel angry. I can laugh and feel nervous in front of her but that is about it. Im afraid she will get upset if I don't evenually have some emotion or that I will stagnate my progress. I tell myself to trust God that it will work itself out. Is there anything you can do to make yourself begin to feel emotion again?

[Fuzzybear]

One way that I can think of is through the relationship with your therapist. I am not sure how long you've been seeing her for, but as you grow to trust her more, you will probably find your emotions "thawing out" ... and you will suddenly find yourself crying. It will probably take a long time for you to be able to feel and express any anger ... but when you do, and your therapist doesn't abandon you, or react in a negative way, it will be very healing.

I hope this helps,

(((((((((((((esthersvirtue))))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy

[gloria]

You said you laught and you feel nervous, that sounds like emotions to me...
Give time and keep your heart and mind open....

gab

I too struggle with my emotions; I've heard that the start is to be able to "feel" other people's emotions. For instance, feeling for other people in the forums, or what works best for me, is I can relate with movies.
I am mostly expressionless when sharing with someone about my life, but I can feel emotions when I'm watching a good movie.
I also feel anger, and also laughter, but when it comes to feeling something such as sadness in relation to "my story", I am unable to shed tears...I wish sometimes that I could cry, but not even all by myself I can't seem to cry...I feel that it would be such a relief if I could do this.
(((((ESTHERSVIRTUE)))))

Blessings,
Jon

KICK THE CABLE HABIT!!! http://www.vmcsatellite.com/?aid=84152

[SweetCrusader]

I can also relate to not showing any emotions. I hope I don't bore you to death with psychology lingo, but what you're experiencing is called "dissociation of affect" which basically means being separated from your emotions. Abuse is a powerful emotional experience to say the least. As a child, shutting off those feelings was probably one of the ways you learned to cope with them. When the feelings are too much for you to process at the time, you just close down on them. Easing into feeling again is the key.

For me, I started with my therapist about 2 years ago, but I haven't had continuous therapy since then. On and off. But when I wasn't in therapy, I was still working on my issues. (I'm a psychology major, so that helps). I'm starting to have more feelings. For me, it has come naturally. As I grow and develop in the therapy process, those feelings just sort of "trickle in." Sometimes my therapist tells me to follow a feeling that sort of appears for the first time, and I'm unable to follow it. It quickly shuts off. Then, I fear she will be angry with me or tired of patiently waiting for me to have feelings. But she specializes in working with abuse, and she knows why the feelings aren't always there. She always tells me to trust my own mind, that it will give me the feelings when I'm ready. And if I'm not feeling them, it's because I'm not ready to. I think she's right. Because they are hard to process. You forget how powerful those feelings once were when you realize them again.

Some of the things I've done include writing- especially letters to people, or to myself, or poetry, only when I have time to be completely alone for a while. The important thing when you do this is to not censor yourself. You might feel guilty or think what you're writing is stupid, but let yourself write it. If it helps, keep in mind that after you're done if you can't stand to look at what you wrote, you can destroy it. OR you can share it with your therapist. That way you can start to have feelings when you are away from him/her and may feel safer, and introduce those feelings into therapy slowly. I'm still at that point. Having feelings in front of her is hard. Another thing that's been helping me lately is to draw. I am NOT an artist. I started out just coloring blobs of color or stick figures. I bought a box of crayons and whatever feeling I had at the time (or even whatever feeling I hoped to find inside of me, but couldn't find) would guide me. Sometimes I would just stare at the crayon box until I had a feeling about which color to use. I've used things other than crayons, but you get the idea. Once, to avoid self-injury, I got out a magazine and cut out pictures of body parts that seemed to me to express something (I can't put words to what they express just yet). That was helpful for me. Another thing I suggest is listening to music that has some depth, and some feelings. Alanis Morissette is GREAT for listening to because she sings about some of those feelings. Mostly her less well-known songs are the good ones. If you'd like me to send you a cd with some songs that have helped me, you can PM your po box and I'll send it to you for free. Finally, my latest thing- I was child in the 80s and you may have noticed all the 80s toys coming back these days. I bought several toys similar to the ones I had as a child. I just hold them, I don't feel childish enough to play with them. But they help me connect with the child I used to be. I also bought two care-bears movies at Walmart for $5. It may sound strange, but acting like a child helps me feel like a child and it brings up old feelings a little at a time. I don't know when you were a child, but maybe you could find some vintage stuff from your "era" and enjoy that.

I hope you'll find something in this message that helps! Take care of yourself the best you know how to do, okay?
If it's ok with you --> (((((((((((((((((((((((esthersvirtue))))))))))))))))))

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

Thanks, Sweet Crusader. That was very helpful!

[lost_lonely]

Don't know what to say, just hope you are doing better today.

(((((((((((((((((((esthersvirtue))))))))))))))))))))

[hamstergirl]

That explains what I'm going through. I can't cry or yell either. I always sound so blasted calm, even under great physical pain and distress. I can't even easily tell people verbally that I feel miserable. The only "safe" way I can get my emotions out is through writing. I am pretty much limitless as to how I can express myself in that medium: I rant, I rave, I throw chairs.

It's a pretty potent and scary experience to see me melt down in the written word. And yet looking at me, I am absolutely calm and quiet.

A friend told me "I must cry." I'm told it's a very healing experience. But I was yelled at for crying by my father. Now I can only do it for a few seconds at a time most of the time.

This doesn't mean I'm not feeling sad or distressed. I'm just hiding my pain and my pain is intense. I feel very sad at the moment, very lonely. And all I can do is toss a letter on someone's desk to tell them how I feel. It's frustrating. Or write poetry. I'm very detached while I'm doing it, but I've written some very powerful stuff on here, without being aware of its' power, because I'm so detached from my emotions.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

[SweetCrusader]

HAMSTERGIRL: that is one of the reasons i have trouble with emotions, too. i got yelled at and hit more if i cried. if i could stop crying, then he would stop hitting. the weird thing that happened with that for me, though, is that i can still cry, but i can't feel the feelings of fear that used to make me cry. the way i stopped myself from crying when i was getting hit was by stopping myself from feeling afraid. one time in therapy, my feelings of fear came up and my T knew this was a golden opportunity for healing, so she asked me to follow the feelings. that's when i ended up thinking she was going to beat me. i had to shut the fear off right away in order to feel safe.

i also know what you mean about writing things dispassionately. i do this, too. they sound very powerful, but when i'm writing them i don't feel the feelings i'm talking about. it's the same when i (attempt to) share stories of being abused or hurt somehow. no feelings. my T said it's like she's listening to a guest speaker rather than someone trying to share their pain.

ETHERSVIRTUE: how were emotions handled in your house?

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

[wisewoman]

One of my primary abusers was my mother. She would beat me with a belt, a paddle, her hand, whatever she could find. I knew at a young age somehow that she was trying to murder my spirit. I learned that I had to show no emotion around her in order to be more safe. Remember the phrase, oh yeah you wanna cry I'll give you something to cry about? I learned to keep a dispassionate face, no tears. Tears somehow gratified her, stimulated her, gave her more power. It was almost like watching someone with sexal excitement.{she did that too} I learned young to pinch myself to shut off the feeling, so I wouldn't cry. To bang my head or bite. Inflicting pain on myself gave me the power. Once I was being beaten with a belt and I was just standing there and she said next time she'd put nails in the belt. She hated that I wouldn't cry and scream. At one point she was beating me and I was older, maybe 14 and I said go ahead and beat me if it makes you feel good. At this point my father flies out of nowhere and has his belt and whips the piss out of me. I didn't cry. My usual course was to hide the welts and bruises but this time I wore shorts in front of him and everyone else. It was not my shame, it was his and theirs. Of course writing this triggers me. I am two people really, one with the poker face who can get through anything and one who shows certain emotions openly. Emotions about the here and now openly, old stuff poker face.m I have learned to cry and stay with the feelings. I used to run out of my T's office everytime I would start to feel. Part of the reason I am so depressed right now has to do with the old way of dealing. Pick myself up, dust myself off and deal with whatever nightmare came next. Well, there's been too many nightmares and I just couldn't do it any longer. I am grieving a lot right now. Sorry to hi-jack, but I had to jump in, juicy thread. Peace.

[dalila]

Hmm, I have my emotions and have been able to feel them all, but the anger ones are either muted, explosive or fleeting. The other side of that is that the happier ones are muted as well. My mother would scream in my face, "How dare you be angry at me? Wipe that scowl off your face or I will do it for you." Most often if I showed anything but frightened acceptance i was slapped across the face hard enough to knock me off my feet. I learned to bury my anger and resentment so deeply I cannot access it all yet today.

I am doing better now expressing and feeling anger but it is hard. I often feel panicked or ill when I feel anger. Even knowing why I feel as I do doesn't make it change.

~D~

[wisewoman]

yeah, I can relate. What on earth possessed these people to turture us so?