[tsha]

I'm tired; I'm tired of it all. I feel so alone. My family doesn't understand. They want to take control.

I told them what happened to me as a child and asked them to keep to themselves. I found out they didn't. I understand their reasoning - its a lot for them but they still did it.

I have let them talk to my doc to hopefully understand what is happening, to understand what I am going through. We discussed issues I have with the shame I feel and my inability to trust others.

I followed that conversation up with an email taking my time to explaining why this is important to me, trust being the biggest thing. I need to trust they will do as I ask. That they will put my need before their's in this circumstance. But I found out one of my sisters immediately shared this with her SO.

My close friend is pulling away, the one I trusted. The only people who actually listen are my docs but I have to pay them.

I feel so alone.

When I started treatment for this I had this vision in my mind of what I would feel like after I got through this - standing at the waters edge as the sun is rising, with my arms lifted, taking in the morning light's energy of a new day and feeling that the weight of all this lifted - but its fading fast.

I just want it all to stop. I want to stop feeling like s***. I want to be happy. But it all seems beyond my reach.

[DePressMe]

Trusting others with your story is a difficult thing to do--face it not that many people can keep things like that to themselves. I think part of it is because they have problems dealing with it.

The only times I have given up control is when I was suicidal. Other than that, it is my life and I need to figure out how to live it.

Don't give up Tsha. It takes time--lotsa of it. If you keep working at it, you will eventually get to the waters edge. Of course, once I got to the "good place" I found I had to keep working to stay there...but that is another post.

(((((((((tsha))))))))you will get there hun, we'll hold you up and carry you when you need it,

love, Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

[tsha]

Thank you for your words of support. I am not feeling so desperate right now. I saw one of my docs today and have my regular therapy session tomorrow.

I also started a conversation with my friend but we had to postpone it until later because we were both walking into meetings.

Thanks again. Its good to have people who understand what I am feeling.

And I need to remember, "she'll be out soon, I'll give her the moon, let her bathe in the sun, when we become one."

Thanks again
tsha

[TYMBERWOLV]

tsha,

Yeah I know the trust issues o so well... I have went 35 years of my life not trusting a darn soul because i didnt want to get hurt. I trusted my parents that i would be given a happy childhood. That didnt happened... I trusted my S/O that we would grow old together that didnt happened... So I know the trust issues...

Then one day I had my awakening .... No more was i going to allow others to dictate my feelings... The one thing that I have absolute control over was myself .... I was told by a person the only guarantee in life was that we were goign to die one day ...

Well now I have more friends than ever .... I'm happier than ever... from time to time I do get lonely and I crave some attention but that is about me...

As far as your family telling your story yeah that is a big deal but if we look at it like " Maybe they needed help so they can help you" Some people react differently to trauma and yes this is a traumatic event even to them .....

One of my greatest friends told me one day ::: Dave today is your day make the choices that make you happy " I hold onto those words because it is about our happiness bcos if we are not internally happy how can we ever make others see our happiness...

They say laughter is contagious .... Laugh for no reason and it can cure the woes of life ,,,, Dont sweat the small stuff and everything in life is the small stuff...

TSHA I dont know the story but I would gladly extend my hand to you as a friend ,,,,, You can ask around PC i have big shoulders and I listen very well


T

(((((((tsha))))))

I am so honoured you remember those words.....

we are going through similar stuff, here whenever you need to talk, just pm me if you need to/want to.

gentle hugs, Kerry/Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo