[AllTheThingsIHide]

So I am new here. I just want some advice. I'll give a summary of my childhood. Warning there is graphic details.

I had a really bad childhood, I don't know whether it could of got much worse.
I was hurt physically a lot by my dad
my mum fed me pretty much only out of date food
my sister sexual assaulted me
I never got hugs/kind words/kisses/any form of love
I have always been severely underweight but my family teased me that I was fat
a group of strangers gang raped, water boarded, cut, bit, beat me and other stuff when I was 11 then they threatened to chop me up so I didn't tell anyone until recently
I always had to witness my mum and stepdad try and kill themselves
I always felt I was never wanted by anyone.

I wondered after all of this and more, is it possible to live a normal adult life? I feel like I never had a childhood and sometimes I go very "little" almost as if I'm trying to get it back what I never had, it makes me feel good, especially when I get the caring reaction I want (from my boyfriend) I just deep down feel this is wrong. Can anyone give me any advice?

[Amyjay]

You know I think it is possible to learn to live a good enough life. I grew up with tons of abuse from lots of different people and no nurturing figures too. That kind of trauma interferes hugely with normal human development. But I still think its possible to learn to live a "good enough" life. You can learn to manage trauma symptoms so they don't hijack you all the time. you can learn to be kind and nurturing to yourself and to expect that same treatment from others. I haven't learned to trust anyone yet but that still might happen.
Those "little" needs can be explored and dealt with in therapy so that relationships with others can be healthier. Do you have a good trauma therapist? One who understands developmental trauma will be able to help you the most.

[GoneGirl711]

Originally Posted by AllTheThingsIHide

So I am new here. I just want some advice. I'll give a summary of my childhood. Warning there is graphic details.

I had a really bad childhood, I don't know whether it could of got much worse.
I was hurt physically a lot by my dad
my mum fed me pretty much only out of date food
my sister sexual assaulted me
I never got hugs/kind words/kisses/any form of love
I have always been severely underweight but my family teased me that I was fat
a group of strangers gang raped, water boarded, cut, bit, beat me and other stuff when I was 11 then they threatened to chop me up so I didn't tell anyone until recently
I always had to witness my mum and stepdad try and kill themselves
I always felt I was never wanted by anyone.

I wondered after all of this and more, is it possible to live a normal adult life? I feel like I never had a childhood and sometimes I go very "little" almost as if I'm trying to get it back what I never had, it makes me feel good, especially when I get the caring reaction I want (from my boyfriend) I just deep down feel this is wrong. Can anyone give me any advice?

I truly believe even after all of that you can live a normal life. Unfortunately it sounds as if you may be experiencing PTSD from your past, but that is to be expected I believe especially someone who has been through such a traumatic childhood. It also I believe it us somewhat common for children of abuse to "go little". And find it hard to mature beyond the point in their childhood that they recall the abuse. I'm not sure if the ramifications of this behavior mentally and emotionally but it doesn't sound as if you have anything to feel deep down is wrong. Especially if the boyfriend doesn't seem to mind reciprocating.

Don't feel guilty for doing what makes you feel good about your horrible past.
I do think you could benefit from seeking out the advice of a therapist to work through your past and put it behind you so you may move on.

Good Luck

[Shazerac]

Sounds like you had a childhood that was beyond horrible.

Please seek help with a therapist who is familiar with PTSD and childhood abuse.

YES it is posssible to live a happy life !!!!! It's going to take some HARD work on your part. And many times it just won't seem fair that you have to work through all the pain and crap that comes with trying to heal.

But it's not only possible but worth it.

[Fuzzybear]

[SkyrimFan1]

Wow, that is just, wow, what you've been through is horrifying, what those people did to you was monstrous and should never be acceptable, but at the same time, you should move on cause that was all in the past, and if you are suffering from some sort of depression, anxiety, or PTSD as a result of this, find a hobby, like walking in the park, jogging, reading books, watching TV, clubs, social groups, sports, etc., so that you can cope with what happened to you in your childhood, or you can always talk to a therapist, or a friend that you trust, I'm sorry that you had to go through this

[mimsies]

First off, I am sorry you went through all this.

Second, I don't believe there is any such thing as a "normal adult life" anyway.

Third, I DO think you can still have a good and happy life. Not meaning it will always be good or happy, because no one has that, but that in general your life can be good and happy.

You almost certainly need therapy with a good therapist/counselor. Also, support groups, can be very helpful. Finding and doing things you enjoy and that nourish you will help. Making connections with other people is essential.

Take care.