[sabby]

A short time ago, my youngest daughter (25yrs old) told me of some sexual abuse she endured as a child. This abuse was dealt to her by another child who was actually younger than my daughter.

The child who abused my child was the daughter of the babysitter. My kids grew up with her kids. We were great friends for a number of years. I had absolutely NO idea that this had happened to my daughter when she was growing up.

Now the dumbstruck part.......

I can't figure out my feelings about all this. I can't figure out how to react or what to say to my daughter. It's like I'm numb and no feelings or words will come that are comforting or understanding for her. This is making me very angry and I'm very sad that I can't seem to be there to support her emotionally. I don't understand this. I'm a sensitive person who normally can put herself in others shoes and have an idea of how someone else is feeling. This is really making my head spin.

My daughter is handling this all very well. I have suggested that she get some therapy so she can work through things in a safe environment. My heart goes out to her. I feel helpless.....and I am not dealing well with this situation we're in very well at all.

My daughter knows that the girl who abused her is ill and has been since childhood. This girl has done some very rotten things in childhood and in her adulthood also. She is very ill. My daughter knows this and is able to use that knowledge in her consideration of how she is working on dealing with it all. I'm very proud of her for being able to understand what this girl is going through.

I just don't understand how I can not figure out what I'm feeling.....or even express it if I figured it all out. I feel like I'm not being emotionally supportive of my daughter. And truly, that is not the case. I want to be supportive to her. I want to be able to tell her what I'm thinking and feeling......I guess I just don't know how. This is really bothering me.

[mick07]

If you haven't --you might want to tell her what you've written here.
I would have been okay with hearing that from my mother. It would have helped

[sabby]

(((((((((((( mick )))))))))))) Thank YOU!!

I'm so sorry your mom wasn't able to be there for you in your time of need.

I have told my daughter that I don't know how to respond....that I am confused by this lack of being able to know what I'm feeling. She understands...thank goodness.

Thank you very much for responding mick...it means a lot to me.

Hugsss
sabby

maybe you can just say.. I want to comfort you.. How could i do this? Maybe you can offer to help find a therapist. Maybe you can say im sorry that it happened and how you wished you were there..

Good luck sabau

[darkpurplesecrets]

(((((sabby)))))

My heart goes out to you. Just letting her know you are there means more to her than you will know. Just knowing that you believe her and are there to listen shows her you care. Encouraging her to reach for help shows you believe her. Sometimes, that means more to someone than you will know. So many are not believed and are made to feel that it was their fault, but you have opened your arms and your heart to her and talked with her. It is a start. She knows you love her and you are there. It has to be hard for you to accept also as her mother who loves her so much and never would have put her in a place to be hurt.

This is your daughter and you have a right to be angry and sad. But remember this is not your fault either. If you had known you would have done something. Just listen to your heart, and give both of you time. Be there whenever she is ready to talk. Support her and take care of you too. Maybe you need to talk to someone about your feelings too. It cannot be easy for you as her mother who loves her to understand.

Know we are here for you sabby and we will walk with you through this. You are loved. You and your daughter are in my prayers.

Oh sweetie....

Your daughter "knows" you.. and knows that you are there for her....she knows that without you saying anything.. and the words will come... they will...

I am very concerned about your daughter..

I also am very concerned about you... you have had the shock of your life.. and here you are trying to figure the whole thing out...and you are trying to support your daughter at the same time.

Putting myself in your shoes.. (it could be any one of us as a parent) it would take awhile for everything to just sink in... your world has been turned upside down.. and sideways..

So... words will come to you... your title says it all.. dumbstruck.... shocked.. as we all would be... give it some time...

[sabby]

Thank you everyone for your wise and supportive words. You have all helped me to think and relax a bit and to know that we will get through this and we will be ok.

I'm not used to not having answers or not finding words. I'm the fixer in the family. I will take all your wonderful words to heart and go from there....Thank You!!!

Much love & respect to all of you
sabby