My Son Attacked

I am so upset right now I can barely type. I'm shaking so bad and I can't calm down. I'm so mad. Damn it! I feel like I'm burning at a thousand degrees.

So I went to pick my son up from his bus stop and he was taking forever to come off the bus. All the other kids had left and the bus driver was wandering around inside. Finally my son (twelve) gets off the bus holding his sweat shirt over his face. He's crying so hard he can barely walk to the car. For the first ten minutes he can't even calm down enough to tell me what happened.

One kid had smashed him up against the wall of the bus while another kid took his gloves. They proceeded to grab his hand and twist his fingers around while other kids threw his stuff around the bus. These items were never recovered. The bus driver did nothing.

I've been on the phone with the bus company, the school and I've left messages for the principal. I've recorded all the names of hte kids involved and also the witnesses. Now I'm supposed to write some %#@&#! letter explaining what happened but I can't seem to calm down enough to even take care of my other kids right now.

I swear I just want to do soemthing. I want to be standing in the doorway of the %#@&#! kids houses screaming into teh faces of their stupd %#@&#! parents! God!

This %#@&#! will nhot happen to one of my kdis! No %#@&#! way!

I khow what I"m supposed to do in this situation and I'm following those rules, proper channels and all that but I have no diretion for how upset I am right now. And I seriously can't stop shaking.

This isn't helpoing.

sorry my friend... listening man...

I'm sorry. I'm sure your son needs you so much right now. I'm hoping you can find a peaceful place inside so that he can feel comfortable opening up to you about how it made him feel and what he needs. Glad he has a parent who cares :-)

((((((((((cyran))))))))

oh baby I am so sorry this happened to one of your babies. You are right to be so angry and possibly triggered, your son is so lucky to have a dad who loves him so much. Like Esther said, try to be calm for his sake so he can talk to you and you can hold him and be there for him....I hear you and feel for you so much, sending calming vibes and a hand to hold should you need one, please take care honey and know we are here for you, please pm if you need to

hugs, Jin xxxxxxxxxxx

you did the right thing calling the us company and the principal, let's hope these half wits are caught and punished....

I had this with my daughter but she was wary of me telling the school in case it made things worse, so be aware of your sons wishes too

jin xx

Oh my gosh!! I'm so sorry for you and your son.

Good for you in keeping on the proper path-- its so tough, I understand. Yea, the "shaking"-- I understand. I also feel as though I've been electrocuted-- fierce buzzing throughout my body, jolt of energy followed by feeling wiped out-- do you get that way too?

I think what the others have said is great advice...... I'm not much good for advice when I'm right there with you-- sorry.

thinking of you and my heart is with you and your dear son.

mandy

Cyran0, I understand why this is so difficult for you...I don't know what I can say to make a difference. I feel like my hands are tied.

I can only imagine the overwhelming flood of emotions running through you at the moment. This has probably triggered memories of your past abuse. When you have done what you can for your son, don't forget to do what you can for yourself.

Please, please, be safe. I care about you.

Cy, i'm so sorry this happened to your sonand I can understand why you are enraged. When this happens to your child it leaves you feeling helpless.

You're doing the right thing by calling the school and the bus company. Don't lay down on this, keep following up and make sure there is punishment for these children.

When my son was 8 he started to get picked on. I saw red and every other color of the rainbow. And oh, the memories and feelings that it brought back were horrible. Like a dam opening and overflowing.

When I called the school they assured me that the situation would be handled. However, it kept happening and I was eventually told that there wasn't really much they could do if it was happening on the way to and from school. I told the principal that she was wrong, that was a big cop out, that they are responsible for my son's safety until he gets to or returns home from school. This went on for most of the school year. I tried to meet with the parents of these kids and I was met with boys wil be boys, we don't get involved in children's fights and it was suggested to me by one parent that maybe I should teach my son to toughen up. Oh my god how I wanted to do a little slapping around of my own. No wonder these children were bullies.

I finally ended up calling the police after my son was jumped by 3 other boys on the way home. They told me that no matter where it happens it is still assault. it is a crime. Period. I was told that i had the right to press charges and that the parents would be held responsible and so would the school system if I wanted to push it. I said I absolutely did want to push it. That day the officer personally paid a visit to each child's house and informed the parents of my intentions and that they would be cited and end up in juvenile court. He also went to the school and advised them of the law. By that evening i had visits from a couple of the parents with the police officer. He explained to them in front of me what could happen to them if they kept doing this. He also told the parents that they could wind up in family court with their children and that harrassing and physical harm were not a joke and not to be taken lightly and that he would be continuing to follow up on the situation. I also received a phone call of apology from the principal and these children were given suspensions.

So push it as far as you have to. I found it somewhat healing for myself to stand up for my son like my parents never did for me. I know this is hurting you like hell. Believe me I know. Love for a child is like no other emotion in the world and when something horrible happens you have to do anything you can to make it better.

Good luck handling this and take care of that little boy and make sure he knows that there's nothing more important in this world but him right now.

so sorry to hear what has happened. i can't really add anything after haunted's post. took the words right out of my mouth. inform the school of your intentions to call police to pressure them into taking action. then do exactly that. get the police involved. it is things like this that just fall thru the cracks in our school systems that make our schools so unsafe. it is pure neglect of their responsability to keep our children safe while in their custody.

wish you all the best of luck in getting things resolved.

Cyran0,
I am SO sorry this has happened to your child! I also have read your other posts describing the horrible way you were treated by your peers. Kids are so %#@&#! mean to each other!!!

I'm mad for you. And I'd be in that school office come tomorrow morning talking to the principal.

And then it occurred to me, how wonderful a support you can be to your son BECAUSE of what you went through yourself. He has the perfect dad for this situation!

I must take this opportunity to tell you how much admiration I have for you. I'm really glad you are here.
Best,
Okie

I'm so sorry to hear this and I know how this hurts,when my son was a little boy, the kids at his grammar school were so mean, always bullying him.
Looking back, I'm happy when hubby was told we had to move where his company was relocating,my son had a good experience at his high school and couldn't understand why in the begining I didn't want to move, that he found his new school to have nice kids going there.
It's sad that only his high school years are the only school years he can say he was happy at.
He is a commuter student now in college and happy, so I thank God now that we had to move.
Bullies and the parents that raise these hoodlums, suck.
I'm sending you warm wishes for peace,healing and good luck, for you and your child.
I really know how it hurts to see our children mistreated,especially when we teach them to be kind to others and treat them the way you'd want others to treat you,looking back I feel maybe I was wrong teaching him the "right" things to do when we live in a society where many kids are going wrong.
Don't feel funny to go to the principal of the school and tell him or her what's going on, otherwise they don't know and these monsters get away even more with their attacks on others.
Take care,
DE

(((((((((( Cyran0 and son )))))))))))

How absolutely terrifying for you and your son. I am sorry this happened to you. As a parent ........ I couldn't even imagine .......... my heart goes out to you!

<font color="green"> Cyran0,
It is important that you practice whatever method of self-calming and do whatever it takes to help yourself. I think you have been doing wonderful so far. But you are not going to be able to help much if you are exploding. Maybe go outside and do some yelling at the moon or something physical to work off some of the adrenalin.

I would call the local police, personally I don't have a lot of confidence in school officials. You will still have to write a report but you have a much better opportunity to get justice for your son.

Make a list of his lost possessions. Take pictures of his hands and any other bruises or scrapes or cuts, take him to the ER if need be. I would schedule a checkup with his regular doctor if nothing else so that nothing is missed.

I would not allow my child to return to school until something has been done to guarantee his safety - and I would inform the school superintendent of this situation as well.

Spend some time holding your son, he is gonna need your reassurance now. Do whatever you can to know you are cared for, go cuddle with your spouse, talk to your therapist or perhaps your parents? Know that you are important and cared for here at Pysch Central.</font>

I'd be just as angry if anybody put their hands on my babies. I'd want to personally administer a good old fashion *** whooping on them kids. It's difficult though. Most of the time the reason kids act so cruel is because their parents never taught them any damn consideration. It's ridiculous. I feel bad for your son.

But....before you get to angry you have to remember that bullying and the occasional fight between peers is more normal then not normal. Everybody can name a time some kid did something outrageous to them in school, I know I can...many probably. For a twelve year old boy, it's time to teach him defense. The first day my boy comes to me and tells me he was hit or bullied is the day I'm going to teach him to fight back. If a kid's dignity is stripped from them, other kids will never leave him alone.

Take him to some self defense courses or karate classes or something, or teach him what you know. Boys like that stuff anyway, I'm sure he'd like it.

As far as getting to the point of an uproar, it's unnecessary. Nothing will probably come of this situation...the worse would be suspension. Sadly the reality. For witnesses, nothing most likely. Just remember these are kids doing stupid cruel things and nobody else can really be at fault for their behavior besides themselves (somewhat the parents, but that's another issue).

Sorry this happened to your boy...nobody deserves to be bullied.

im sorry cyran0 that your son is being bullied. well more than bullied, tortured and abused. like the others have said before me, he has the perfect dad for the situation and i know you will do everything in your power to correct the situation. good luck and i hope something can be done to show those kids what their actions actually do to a person, especially a 12 year old boy.

Torture and abuse is a bit much.....I bet his feelings were hurt more then his body physically.

youOme, being bullied and physically assaulted is abuse and yes, I think being held down and humiliated is torture.

Besides, emotional abuse can be absolutely devastating to a child--or an adult for that matter. Mental and emotional health is just as important as physical health.

I agree....but if he allows bullying to exploit his life he will always be in fear. I also agree that it's damaging to the self esteem and I sympathize with his situation, especially since I had experienced very similar circumstances. I just hope this can be viewed from a child's perspective as well. Being a parent you will naturally want to raise hell and protect your child. But being the child, this may put fuel on the fire. I was twelve once.

Actually, my story is when I was twelve/thirteenish, I had a friend who sort of back stabbed me by spreading my personal business around school. I was embarrassed then harassed. I mentioned this to my mother and she fueled the situation by smacking the girl off our friend porch the next day. The situation worsened at school, people wanted to attack me. If my mother would have considered the consequences for me at school she may have held back.

I fear that if he raises hell, gets people in trouble, and so forth that it will worsen the situation, that's why I say teach self defense, let the child learn to deal with crude people because they will be around forever. This is a life lesson, a %#@&#! one.

Thanks for the outpouring of support. It means a great deal.

I understand that I didn't put my post into any context so for some of you my extreme reaction probably seemed overblown. And yes, it was, but not without reason. I don't want to spend time here telling my story again but if you're interested it's under The Story Of Cyran0 Part 2.

I also do not want to get into a debate about how a physical attack in school should be categorized. Suffice to say I don't agree that violence is a normal or acceptable part of growing up in any context.

After writing the initial post here, my mental and emotional state got worse. To tell the truth, the whole thing is kind of a blur. I did exactly what needed to be done: took care of my kids, comforted my son, made supper, etc. But it was like watching myself do this on autopilot. My body was so tense that I nearly threw up but at the same time, I was a zombie. I had a phone conversation with my wife and now I don't remember any of the details. So suffice to say, I completely lost my mind. After my wife got home I stood in the shower for something like an hour and this, ultimately, got me grounded.

Today I'm better. I'm sore as hell, I think from the tension, but I'm ok.

In the end I did exactly what the school told me to do and already today I've received a call from the principal. I was not told what the specific actions taken were but I was assured that they have a zero tolerance attitude when it comes to school violence, on or off the grounds.

My son is feeling much better and we did have a series of very good conversations about what happened. I think he's going to be fine.

As for how I reacted yesterday, I guess I was triggered. I really don't know exactly what you'd call that since it was so strange.

Thanks again for all the support.

Cyran0

cyran0 - have you ever considered putting your son in something like karate or jiu jitsu? not for violence or to beat people up, but for self defense and confidence. i dont remember who said it but its true, little kids can pick out the weakest one with no problem. I think if he knew that he had this knowledge of how to protect himself it would give him confidence. and confidence is very obvious in people.

im pretty sure they teach the kids that the knowledge is not for beating people up. have him wear his belt and uniform to school one day lol then maybe theyll get the picture.

A gang attack is not being "picked on" because one is weak. Mob/group psychology is wholly different from individual psychology and the school has to do the work on this one. Reread Cyran0's original post; it was a GANG of children, most/all of those on the bus who attacked his son while an adult stood by and did nothing. It is not Cyran0 son's problem or a problem that a little karate will help. All the children on that bus are in danger. The driver should be fired and the children individidually counselled and dispersed onto other busses so what they participated in and witnessed together doesn't "stick" to them and get triggered by their being in the same configeration. It's a seriously horrible situation for the school as well as Cyran0, his son AND the other children.

ok but you cant deny that the reason they picked him is because they see him as weak. i know about mob mentality but those kids arent going to be the shortest, weakest kids in class picking on others. im not saying not to get the school involved either. im saying for his own sake. those kids are one thing but whos to say he wont encounter it later in life? especially if hes been picked on when hes young. and youre going to sit here and tell me that a kid who has confidence and has been trained in a martial art is still as likely to be beat up than some other kid?

sorry, just trying to offer up some help. i read the post and confidence has a lot to do with why certain kids get beaten up. i got teased and made fun of and bullied when i was younger. so my parents enrolled me in softball and i was really good. my confidence shot through the roof and when those kids picked on me i picked back and they left me alone, ok. im not just throwing random crap out there. also, yeah the school says that theyre doing something but do you honestly think they are? cause i doubt it. talking with the parents wont do anything. some times you have to take matters into your own hands. im not one for violence but that seems to be the only language these kids understand. you cant trust the school to take care of it because they hardly ever do.

I think knowledge of self defense is a good idea for anyone, child or not. But I should give some context since this debate risks taking on a life of it's own.

My son is normally not picked on. This is new territory for us. He's one of those happy kids that gets along with everyone, popular or not. The anomaly of this incident was caused by an altercation my son had with a different kid a year ago. This involved that kid picking a fight with my son who, I'm happy to say, defended himself very well. The instigator got in trouble, my son did not.

The kids on the bus yesterday were friends of this other child and for whatever reason, they chose yesterday to attack. This is what I've learned through the course of conversations with the school. My son didn't have an opportunity to fight back as he was pinned from the very beginning.

To be honest, I'm less concerned now with my son's well being (because again, he's well liked) than I am with my own. I completely snapped last night, spiraling into an unusual mental and emotional state that I don't even fully remember. It started with absolute outrage but the emotions kept coming and building and at some point I guess I sort of shut down. This is not good. If I'm going to lose my mind every time something happens at school, I have a long 18 years ahead of me. I'd like to better understand what happened yesterday and develop better tools to defuse the reaction.

Thanks again for the well intentioned support from everyone.

Cyran0

I think, since you held it in check, that you are safe with yourself :-) I think you can trust yourself to deal with what is in front of you and "hold" the "reaction" (versus "response") until it is safe to look at and work with?

My car got totalled one night immediately after my therapy session, very traumatic, and, talking about it in therapy weeks after my T pointed out that people are "built" to deal with emergencies when they happen and then "fall apart" when it's safe to do so. I think that is all you've done, Cyran0, and that you're "human" and dealing with things like anyone stressed as you were?

So the incident happened, I got triggered (experiencing my own little emergency), and then because I had stuff to deal with I detached until later when I could deal with the effects of the trigger?

That's interesting and I think, maybe, reassuring.

It bothers me that the evening kind of blurred on me but as you pointed out, nothing bad came of it.

Cyran0