[moregoodthanbad]

What the devil... why is life constantly attacking me??

I just left my spouse....6 yrs together, 2 months married...but can no longer suffer under the verbal and emotional abuse.

In another fierce argument and at the hands of feeling like a prisoner in my own home...my spouse screamed at me " I did not RAPE you so stop denying me" I disinagrated within my own being!!!

I am flashing back, reliving it all over and over. Remember new things that I never want to think of again.
Feeling 11 inside my mind, yet no one sees the Little girl crying, begging, screaming for help and mercy!!

How many more abusers must I endure before I am ok'd to just go away forever????

[Twilightzone]

First of all gentle hugs (((((((moregoodthanbad)))))))) and second of all you don't have to go away. I don't know what to tell you but you're doing great in my opinion. You left your abuser!!!! That took a lot of courage.
Let the girl inside of you scream, beg and cry. Are you seeing a therapist???

[mtd]

I can relate to how you are feeling. It is hard not to feel overwhelmed by life when you find yourself abused again and having flashbacks as a result. But you did do something very healthy and very empowering (even if you don't feel very powerful right now) by leaving your abusive spouse. You are reclaiming yourself by knowing that you do not deserve to suffer from abuse and allowing yourself to put it behind. That little girl inside may be crying and screaming over having been abused again, but know that you are now giving her space to heal by taking her away from more abuse. This has been a very important step for you and I am so proud of you and so excited for your recovery.

Things will continue to get better when the shock of this moment is behind you. You have taken a courageous step. Well done!!!

mtd

[Cthomas]

I agree with the others. Good for you for getting out of a bad relationship. I think because of the backgrounds we all share, some of us may see it as "normal" behavior. (well for a long time I DID) And stick it out. Good for you!! it must feel so good to be able to finally walk away? Were here for you. whenever you need. let us know how you are doing.

as for this statement:
How many more abusers must I endure before I am ok'd to just go away forever????

NONE of us deserves to "endure" abuse. You will find somebody who will love you without strings. You will. Keep hoping....dont stop. You are bigger than this problem and will get past this.

I am sending hugs of strength your way. what an inspiration, you are!
Colleen

[moregoodthanbad]

Thank you for your support.
I am coping one day at a time.
But, thank you for your words of strength and hope!!