Is it Stupid [trigger]

Trigger.






Physically and sexually my mum never hurt me that I can remember. She wasn't my dad. She'd run away, she'd come back, she'd run away again, and always come back. Dad hurt her too. She knew dad hurt me. She saw what dad did to my little brother. Her coming back was her death. She could have run away and had a life away from him. Away from me. Or she could have run away and taken me away from him forever.

I know why she didn't, I was $%&*ed up as a kid, I was mentally broken even then, but I wonder if it ever crossed her mind that she could have taken me away from him. Or called someone for help. She just kept... coming back. Did she love dad? She didn't love me. I don't have much memory of her. I remember when she died I remember how she kept coming back. I remember her explaining something to me about why little brother was dead.

Is it stupid I think about this? It's not like she abused me. She just let it happen. She knew everything that was done to me. She was hurt too. She could have stopped her death. I guess at that point she didn't care if she died, but is it selfish to wish she hadn't been there so I wouldn't have had to see it

All this in my head and the first instinct is to numb it out with drugs, like dad would have done, but I know it makes me a %$#&ty person and I can't while I'm in hospital at any rate.

((((((((((((Vince))))))))))))))))))

No, it isn't stupid. What she was doing seems like irresponsible parenting at the least ... perhaps emotional abuse? It's *totally* unfair to leave your kids in a situation that hurts them. You are trying to make excuses for what happened. But you were just a kid, you had no control over the situation. She did, even just a bit. Don't take on any blame that isn't yours to keep.

Don't drug yourself up because of this. Reach out for help, see if you can talk to a counsellor or someone else who will listen.

((((((((((((((( griffe )))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((Griffe)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you d to endure what your irresponsible parents did to you .... noone deserves that .... it's not stupid to think about it all .... you need to get your head and heart straight about everything .... talking about it and reaching out is a brave move, we're here to listen .... you are not to blame for any of the stuff you endured ..... not at all. The more you get this out, the quicker you can put it behind you. You'll never forget, but you can move on and make a good life for you, Kate and the twins .... here beside you, love and care, Kerry xoxoxoxoxo

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Griffe)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry your mother was unable to keep you safe. It must be very painful to work through all of this. I am sorry it happened.

BB

I am sorry Griffe that that happened to you.......

It's not at all stupid or unusual to be mad at a parent who failed to protect you from abuse. A parent's job is to look out for the needs of a child, and your mother didn't do that (mine either). It makes sense that you are angry with her.

Drugs won't help you get through this and come to peace with your feelings, but I think you know that.

((((((((((((vince)))))))))))))))))) always willing to listen k