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Old Mar 17, 2008, 04:25 PM
freewill
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I came back from my therapist today..... and... we talked of the pedophile sodomizing me when.. I was 12.. 13.. 14.. 15... and the memories.. the physical pain so fresh.....

triggered... by the pacing of my new greyhound... I used to pace after being sodomized... because the pain was so intense... I couldn't sit down... felt ripped to shreds..

so though I love my new dog.... it has been exhuasting... as I sort all of this out...

I should not have................ but did............ yesterday read the thread... in the men's forum... of course.. the one with... what men are looking for... or whatever...and.. also the women's thread....

and... I am so confused.... men in general... I think of my father.. who.. molested me... and the pedophile.. who was my school teacher.. and then of my own husband - who did rape and batter me...
these men in my life.... the pedophile.. that hurt so many girls... my ex-husband.. that battered 2 wives.. and countless girlfriends...

and then I see in black and white.. what men want.. and I think.. about people in general... women and men...

and.. it just makes me unbearably sad...

that the insides... count for nothing.... that my body was used.. abused.. and discared...

perhaps... it is because I am so very, very old... my soul... has already lived several lifetimes.....that I think.. that it should be different... that life should be different...

don't know..... but am so very, very, very sad.....

it is times.. like this when I ask myself.. why continue??? you know?

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  #2  
Old Mar 17, 2008, 05:00 PM
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Rhapsody Rhapsody is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2006
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Oh sweetie how I wish I could just ((( hug ))) you right now - please stay safe.
  #3  
Old Mar 17, 2008, 10:40 PM
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bchlyn bchlyn is offline
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Posts: 1,162
i am so sorry you were treated that way... take gentle care...lyn
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  #4  
Old Mar 17, 2008, 10:45 PM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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Location: Out of my mind...back in 5 min.
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(((((((((( free )))))))))
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  #5  
Old Mar 18, 2008, 01:58 PM
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Pingu Pingu is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2007
Location: Scotland
Posts: 16
so strange....
  #6  
Old Mar 18, 2008, 09:36 PM
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x_BabyG_x x_BabyG_x is offline
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Location: Manchester, UK
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Keep fighting for a reason freewill, and keep safe

much love, babyg xxx
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  #7  
Old Mar 20, 2008, 10:53 AM
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JxnChosen JxnChosen is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 40
I had felt that way for so long. Why continue. But, not that this would work for you, I went to a psychologist and was put on an antidepressants. I feel like a whole other person.

Not like every thing changed over night. It just made the tunnel not so black. I can see a little bitty light at the other end.
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