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#1
Mar 17, 2008, 04:25 PM
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I came back from my therapist today..... and... we talked of the pedophile sodomizing me when.. I was 12.. 13.. 14.. 15... and the memories.. the physical pain so fresh.....
triggered... by the pacing of my new greyhound... I used to pace after being sodomized... because the pain was so intense... I couldn't sit down... felt ripped to shreds.. so though I love my new dog.... it has been exhuasting... as I sort all of this out... I should not have................ but did............ yesterday read the thread... in the men's forum... of course.. the one with... what men are looking for... or whatever...and.. also the women's thread.... and... I am so confused.... men in general... I think of my father.. who.. molested me... and the pedophile.. who was my school teacher.. and then of my own husband - who did rape and batter me... these men in my life.... the pedophile.. that hurt so many girls... my ex-husband.. that battered 2 wives.. and countless girlfriends... and then I see in black and white.. what men want.. and I think.. about people in general... women and men... and.. it just makes me unbearably sad... that the insides... count for nothing.... that my body was used.. abused.. and discared... perhaps... it is because I am so very, very old... my soul... has already lived several lifetimes.....that I think.. that it should be different... that life should be different... don't know..... but am so very, very, very sad..... it is times.. like this when I ask myself.. why continue??? you know? |
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#2
Mar 17, 2008, 05:00 PM
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Oh sweetie how I wish I could just ((( hug ))) you right now - please stay safe.
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#3
Mar 17, 2008, 10:40 PM
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i am so sorry you were treated that way... take gentle care...lyn
__________________
lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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#4
Mar 17, 2008, 10:45 PM
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(((((((((( free )))))))))
__________________
Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#5
Mar 18, 2008, 01:58 PM
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#6
Mar 18, 2008, 09:36 PM
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Keep fighting for a reason freewill, and keep safe
much love, babyg xxx
__________________
~ HEY! I run a site on mental health called The Manic Years. I'm looking for some brave souls to share their own personal encounters with mental health. Are you up for sharing your story? Please get in touch on themanicyears@gmail.com. Thank you  ~Follow my blog here; http://themanicyears.com Lola Olivia ~ 7/11/11 ~ my reason for breathing Bipolar Affective Disorder type 2 - (2013) 'Borderline traits' Dissociative episodes |
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#7
Mar 20, 2008, 10:53 AM
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I had felt that way for so long. Why continue. But, not that this would work for you, I went to a psychologist and was put on an antidepressants. I feel like a whole other person.
Not like every thing changed over night. It just made the tunnel not so black. I can see a little bitty light at the other end.
__________________
....just my 2 cents. 
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