[puffycloudz]

Well, all of my life, since I can remember, there have been concerns of my mother's commitment to my father. Last night it turns out that she had been having a four or five year affair with a previous coworker...

I feel like I've been abused, because I've been put through this routine since I was little. Always starts with accusations and denials, then it escalates to screaming and crying(on my side.). I feel like I can never forgive my mother for what she has done to my family...the first time I saw my father cry and I made that descision.

I told my mother that I no longer wished to communicate with her and I wanted her to have no part in my life. I can't help feeling like I've been harsh, but for what she destroyed in me I will always feel that way.

Ughh, that felt a little better. Does anybody think that I may have been too harsh...any advice? I could use it.

[Perna]

What you feel is what you feel! You can say and do whatever you need to, but it could get harder if you want to make up later, the "uglier" you've been. My stepmother and I use to say horrible things to one another and I wish I'd done things differently in my teen years.

You don't like your mother. You may love her but you don't like her. If you can keep those separate it's a little easier to deal with putting up with someone because we love them. My therapist asked me who I liked and then why I liked that person and I gave three reasons. She then had me apply those three reasons to my stepmother and they didn't fit. It was a relief to know I could love someone without liking them.

Do you have a therapist? That might help you sort things out.

[Fuzzybear]

[Kiya]

i had to cut ties with my dad (abuser). it was just too hard to live each day with the weight over me about what might happen, would i have to make an appearance, where will he show up and bug me, how many strings are attached to everything...
i am doing better having made that descision. He is "very hurt" by it... but ya know - he can never be as hurt as he hurt me... even though he can't possibly understand that.

you do what you gotta do.

[BalishBun]

i would call it mental abuse but i could be wrong

[bchlyn]

puffy... i am sorry that you are faced with this...i think that we all come to a place where we have to make the decision to either except our parents for who they are... and take the steps to take care of ourselves... it sounds like you have come to that place... and are doing what you need to do to heal...take gentle care.
kiya... making that decision shows how strong you are... lyn

[EsotericalDaughter]

I wouldn't call it abuse, at least not directly since I am sure her intention was not to hurt you. It's okay to feel a little betrayed and upset but remember she is only human and is permitted at least a few mistakes. My advice would be to express your feelings and concerns to her, but don't cut her out of your life completely she is still your mother.

[Rhapsody]

I too - would not exactly call it abuse...... but I would say that your mother did create some emotional damage in you with her infidelity and you will have to deal with these wounds if you ever desire a relationship with your mother in the future.

[JxnChosen]

I'm thinking that your parents relationship is between the two of them. Your mom cheated and your dad excepted it even though it hurt him. They made choices.

As long as your mom and your dad loved you then great for you.

Sucks for them though, to have such a bad relationship. Sounds like both of them should have ended it a long time ago.

But this is just my opinion.

Good luck...