Im really scared

Ive had a really bad couple of days. I talked to people and each time they give me a solution I come up with excuses. All my life, I have been hurt, neglected and abused. I never really knew it until my therapist helped me to see it, and that took 9 years. I just accepted it all my life. that was when I was a child.....then I got married. I forgot for a long time. Now my son is 20, and he is very mean to me. On more than one occassion he has physically hit me and even left bruises on me. He puts me down all the time and I take it into myself. I use his words to reaffirm that I am worthless and deserve this treatment. I feel helpless. It got so bad the other day, and I begged for family support. I sat in front of the tv for hours, not even seeing it. I finally realized...I cant live this way anymore. I tried to kill myself in the past. I know the next time I will succeed. I dont want to die yet. so I decided that Im going to call the police if he hurts me or my other two kids again. If my husband wont help me, Im leaving. Im scared. Im afraid I wont be strong enough. Ive always been so weak about helping myself. I hope I can do this. It has to end now. I have to start living. I dont know what is good anymore. I hope you will add me to your prayer list if that is your thing. I need it bad....Marie

Hi Marie

I don't know what to say except do what you need to to stay safe...get help I mean...and don't hurt yourself that's not the answer. Sorry I can't be more help to you.

Be good to yourself and take care.

i will add you to the prayer list bigbear68.. and feel free to join us in the Spiritual Forums..

praying that strength and perseverance become your companion and provide you with the abilities and capabilities you need now and for times to pass.... praying that all good spirit will be with you and grant you skills to cope with the hardships of yesterday and today... praying....

bigbear >>>> . Just know as you feel not worthy or not able ,,,,,, Really marie You have already seen the worse your son can do with his words and physical attacks .

And you still here and You are Suiting Up for a NO MORE and Best tell son >> get in line or Step Off.!!

And if he Bucks >>> walk to a nearby phone and get police to take you to magistrates office and fill out the paperwork that says he is a danger to himself or others >>> and do the commitment thing ,,,, And when he threatens that he will be back ,,, LOL The Police will note that and have him on grounds of assault by communicating threats ,,,,,,,,So after the Psych Docs get done ,,, he will be in jail till court date and then a Judge will have it in his ands >>> and you will have shown ,

YOU will NOT take this Crap anymore !!!!!!

You can do this >> for you and the 2 other children in your home . (((((((((((((( HUG )))))))))))))).

Marie, could you possibly get into a shelter until you are safer? Or get to another State away from him and cut contact? my dad was also miserable to his mom... she always said it didn't matter, that they were jst pin pricks. i told her a person can (metaphorically here) die from too many pin pricks. she never did anything about it. it was just our lives, too.
I hope you can have courage and stand up for yourself.
Hugs, Kiya

((((((((((((((Bigbear)))))))))))))))))
What a huge step! Just saying we are tired of living this way and can't take it anymore is a ginormous thing! I'm there too and I so understand.

It's so hard to think that we don't deserve this, even subconsciously. It's all we've known. I'm so glad T is helping you to see another way. It's especially difficult to stand up to children, even if they are so much bigger than us. As much as son can be a jerk here, he's still my son and I care about him.

But it's also more than that. When son rages, he becomes other people in my life. And though part of the brain knows he is son, other parts of the brain don't see him as that. Combine that with the fear that we've known all our life if it was even thought that we might stand up for ourselves, well, whew! It can be paralyzing.

Don't give up if you aren't able to do everything at once. Everything you do is a step toward a safe place and that's a good thing. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't always able to follow through. You're moving in the right direction.

You deserve a safe place to live (I say this speaking to myself as well).

You are so brave and strong. Ask your T for the number to a safe house. You don't have to call it, but have it with you at all times, hidden away. I can tell you that for me, it gave me strength just to have that number because it gave me a different solution to think about than suicide. The safe house will take in both you and your other children.

It's so hard to break that cycle of abuse. I had thought I did break it because I did not abuse my children, but it's SO much more than that.

You can do this bigbear. We will be here cheering you on, every step of the way. I'm so glad you found us. I'm so glad to see you posting here.

PM if you ever need to. Thank you for trusting us enough to reach out to us for support. You can do this bigbear.

((((((((((( Marie ))))))))))))