words.. pain.. words.. pain... words.. pain...

An alter long dorment... has decided to have her voice heard...

It is making my life unbearable... so so much concentrated pain.. enough to double a person over in gut wrenching.. spasms...

When "I"... feel the words... and the "blame" that has been heaped on me.. thru the years... I want to hurt myself.. to punish me...

My abusive husband...who battered me...
My boss... when I told him I was going thru a divorce - he had to know.. because it impacted my on-call schedule... he asked "why".. so I told someone for the first time..him..

he said "are you sure that it isn't something you guys do.. for like kinky sex... for foreplay">>>> saying "people like to fight sometimes - you know to get in the mood" and... finally - "you must have liked it or you would have divorced him sooner - you wouldn't have waited 12 years"...

The impact of those words... still roam around my head... my responsiblity for my husband hitting me... raping me...my blame.. my fault...

It makes.. me want to hurt me....

will there never be peace... except for oppiting.. out of this life???

does no one understand???

what a jerk he is ... among all the jerks you've known, the boss is right up there. I'm proud of you freewill. You've come a long way. I don't know a thing about alters, so I have no advice there, but as far as a person goes, you are one of the best. I hope you get past this immediate trauma and know taht the ppl here will understand.

Troy

(((((FREEWILL)))))

You are NOT responsible for others actions. I think your boss is cruel by saying that to you.
I understand about the alter coming around after absence for a while. It is tough to deal with. I don't have any easy solutions, but know that I care and am here for you.

I understand....it's hard, but you can get thru this.



BJ

(((((((((freewill))))))) sometimes I wonder which end of a persons body the words are coming out of! This boss totally overstepped the line! He had no right to say what he said!

((((freewill)))) i understand... i stayed in my marriage until he left me... i was too afraid to leave him... i didn't think i could make it on my own...i was afraid he would take my kids... and he wore me down... reinforced the lies of past abusers... you know???
you didn't like it... your boss was a jerk.... please stay safe...lyn

I just re read your post freewill and I see those words again,
"You really like this, don't you?" ... can you imagine the ignorance that is behind those words? It is either ignorance or evil itself as with my teacher.

What kind of idiots can say that? "You really liked it didn't you?"

If it is evilness, our words will not change them. If it is ignorance, they cannot learn from our explanation. Maybe it would do them well to visit a site like this to see the damage that all of this does. I cannot wish upon them any personal experience, but I can hope for their education.

Please do not hurt yourself, freewill. You are a quality person. The stupidity of your ex and others is no reason to multiply your own pain. There are others here who have known the same kind of pain and they
bring understanding and hope.

None of us can feel your exact pain, but we can feel a pain of our own as we empathize with what you are going through. And we will feel joy as you get beyond this and feel better.

I haven't experienced all that you have, but I have experienced being told that "you must have enjoyed that" and I know how it makes a person feel.

And I know the courage it takes for you to post all of this here. You are brave and courageous. I know you'll make it.

Troy