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#1
Oct 05, 2004, 07:44 AM
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Hi everyone
I got a call from my best friend yesterday. She was telling about how her new boyfriend, hit her son and then locked him out on the porch. It just brought up memories and feeling I don't know what to do with. I am just beginning to work through these issues and the memories it brought up are just so hard for me. I tried calling some of my other friends who know about my past and talk to them and it just felt like they didn't understand. I just dont know how to handle all the intense flashes of memory. Anyway I am rambling.
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You can choose to be all you can be or you can choose to be less. Why not stretch to the full measure of the challenge and see all that you can do? You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. -Jim Rohn |
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#2
Oct 05, 2004, 09:00 AM
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Nicole, there are lots of grounding techniques. When the memories come, try doing something physical, tactile. Squirm in a chair, pound your feet on the floor, touch a piece of furniture and tell yourself what it is and where it is and where you are. Or say out loud things you know well, so you can remind yourself you're in the present. You can run down family birthdays, or who is President, what day it is, stuff like that.
As for your best friend, I have found it very helpful to be upfront with people and just tell them what I can and can't handle. Just tell her that it's hard for you to hear things like what she told you and maybe it's a topic she can avoid around you. I had to tell my boss I couldn't cover someone's guilty plea in court (I'm a reporter) because the guy was accused of sexual abuse and that's something I have in my past. Reading the story another reporter did was enough to freak me out -- I never, ever could have sat there myself and stayed "present" enough to write a story. I just told my boss I shared a trauma with the victim and didn't think I could handle it, and she was fine with that. I think you'll find most people will be the same way. Candy |
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#3
Oct 05, 2004, 01:41 PM
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((((((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))))))))) only if you want them
Thanks for the help. I will try some of the grounding techniques. I told my best friend last night when she called again, that I was sorry but I could talk to her about this because it was just to upsetting to me, given my past. She immediately had to go. Maybe she isn't as good a friend as I thought, if she can't allow me to feel safe around her. She has always been pretty self centered though so maybe I am reading something into it that isn't there. Anyway I am rambling. Nicole
__________________
You can choose to be all you can be or you can choose to be less. Why not stretch to the full measure of the challenge and see all that you can do? You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. -Jim Rohn |
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#4
Oct 05, 2004, 02:11 PM
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Nicole, people who haven't had the same experiences or mental health problems get really scared around people who do. I have a 16-year-old son I gave up for adoption and whose adoptive mom just found me in March of this year. My grief over the whole thing frankly is what triggered my depression and much of my PTSD. No one would ever talk to me about it, not my family, not my friends, nobody except therapists, because they didn't know what to say or how to act.
I had a really bad time with Mother's Day this year and I posted to a group of "friends" (I thought) looking for someone to talk to. One of them wrote me back and said "There are lots of people grieving today but you don't deserve to be one of them" (direct quote). I immediately told her, and the others who chimed in to agree with her, to go F themselves, and tried to keep my feelings about it limited to people I know who care. So I'm not sure what to tell you about your friend, but I think you did the right thing by asserting yourself. If she cuts you off, that's her loss and you're better off without her. Candy |
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#5
Oct 06, 2004, 04:44 PM
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What about the little boy who was hit and locked out? It's abuse and the authorities need to be notified immediately.
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#6
Oct 06, 2004, 07:16 PM
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My best friend is taking care of her son. She moved out and left the guy. Anyway I didn't mention him because 1) I knew he was being taken care of and 2) that is not why I posted. I posted because I wanted to vent. If you have a problem with that then I am sorry, but that is too bad.
__________________
You can choose to be all you can be or you can choose to be less. Why not stretch to the full measure of the challenge and see all that you can do? You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. -Jim Rohn |
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#7
Oct 07, 2004, 09:35 AM
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We are bound to always have triggers like that, whether it be from talking, seeing things, hearing a name, smelling etc. Its important to ground yourself when this is occuring.
Whatever you do try not to block the memories, even though that is extrememly hard to do, in blocking them they will continue to come over and over again. Letting them come and then trying to stop it is the only way for the triggers to eventually stop. We will always get them but it's important to remind yourself where you are now and what you've been doing.
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#8
Oct 08, 2004, 09:56 AM
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Sorry Wisewoman. I should not have written that last post, it was very rude and unthinking on my part. I am sorry, hope there is no hard feeling.
Nicole
__________________
You can choose to be all you can be or you can choose to be less. Why not stretch to the full measure of the challenge and see all that you can do? You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. -Jim Rohn |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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