[sashagirl]

a few months ago i realized that i was sexually abused when i was 8-10 years old. what should i do now? it just keeps going around and around in my mind. I can't make it stop and i have no one to talk to or to help me.

thanks.

sweetie i am so sorry this happened to you ...... do you have someone you trust to talk to? do you have a therapist? that is the first step .... you need to sort this out through therapy, talking, maybe writing down things you remember to try and piece it all together .... i wish you luck from a fellow survivor, gentle hugs ... please reach out here too. There are some amazing people here who have been through similar experiences ....

Love, Jinny xoxoxoxo

[mtd]

sashagirl,

I know how overwhelming this is. At this time, it is so important to find people who are safe to talk to and to keep talking, even if you only express your feelings and memories here. For me, this is a very valuable place, but I also get a lot from talking to friends and counselors in person about what I have experienced and how it affects me now. At first, it may be hard to figure out who you can talk to in your life, but try to find at least one person to start with. In time, you will find more.

The worst thing to do to yourself right now is to try to ignore the feelings and the memories. No more bottling up. You must express what you are going through in order to heal. This can be a very painful and scary time, so remind yourself regularly that you can keep yourself safe now no matter what feelings come with the memories.

You were courageous even to open up here. Keep giving yourself credit when you take these steps. And always know that you are not alone in dealing with what is coming up in your mind and in your emotions.

be well,

mtd

[sashagirl]

Thanks Jinny. I had a therapist but when I missed an appt. they wouldn't evan let me schedule another until I paid a 40.00 charge. The 40.00 I can understand since I didn't call them. But to not let a person evan schedule another appt., that upset me. So I sent the payment in with a note telling dr. how this made me feel like the bottom line was all that mattered. I addressed a regular envelope to the dr. Never heard from him. I guess it is the bottom line.

I'm almost 51 years old and he was the only person I had ever told. How do I find someone to help me?

Thanks for listening.

Hugs,
Gwen

[Rapunzel]

Gwen,

He dropped the ball. I'm sorry that that therapist abandoned you like that over one missed appointment. Maybe he didn't see the note himself, or maybe he thought that what you meant was you didn't want to see him anymore. Did you ask him to contact you in the note? They aren't all like that, but most will consider it your responsibility to reschedule, always, as it isn't ethical to try to keep people in therapy who don't want to be. Maybe he was sitting there thinking to himself, Gwen is mad about that charge for missing an appointment. I wonder if she is mad enough not to want to come back. We'll have to see if she reschedules now.

Anyway, that's another issue. You do still need someone to talk about your abuse with, because it is still so prominent in your thoughts. You could contact the same therapist again and ask for a referral, or find another one the same way you found that one.

I also remembered having been abused years after it had happened. I think I wasn't sure for a while if my memory was real, but I found evidence supporting it. By the time I told anyone about it, that memory must have really been doing some damage and needed out. When I told, it felt like a huge weight was taken off of me and the therapist took it and carried it for me. I actually felt good, and it lasted for three days. I couldn't remember ever feeling good before that. But it wasn't permanent, and needed more processing, and I'm not sure whether I'm done with that one yet or not, but I don't feel as sick about it as I used to.

Let us know when you get another therapist, ok?

hugs,
Rap

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( sashagirl ))))))))))))))))

[SingleGirl]

sending hugs, I can't send more, I've never experienced sexual abuse... i'm so sorry for all you are going through

good luck

Rapunzel,
Thanks for the input. You could very well be right about the therapist. I liked him but he was way, way educated and I am just a simple gal. Not that I am putting myself down, I think he was a little to 'clinical' for me.

I live in a small town and am about 45 min from any big city. So we don't have a lot of options here. When I look for someone to help me, what do I look for? Addiction, abuse, ACOA? Therapist, psycologist, counsler?

When I said I recently realized I had been abused, it wasn't a new memory, it was putting a label on it. For whatever reason I never called it abuse. The therapist had to tell me what had happened to me.

Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

[Rapunzel]

I see now. Thanks for clarifying. You have lived with the memories, but recently you realized that what was done to you wasn't okay. I bet that you have a lot of feelings about that, as well as reasons for not calling it abuse before. And I think that a lot of us question whether what happened to us was really abuse. I know that I still question it.

The specific degree that the helper you find doesn't matter so much as that they have training and experience with working through trauma. Abuse traumatizes, and when you have gone a long time not knowing that what happened wasn't okay, it can be more of a challenge to undo the damage that was done because it has been normalized, and now you have to sift through everything you know and find what is healthy and what needs repair. Support groups like ACOA, etc. can help too, but I think that the most helpful would be a therapist (which can include psychologists, counselors, etc.) who knows how to do trauma work. Most therapists should be able to do that, but some are better than others. And sometimes it does take several tries to find the right one for you.