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  #1  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 04:27 AM
jinnyann
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..... but victim of bullies

.......victim of narcissistic mother

......heartless father

........ heartless work colleagues

........of own stupidity

...........no self esteem

.........no confidence

...........histrionic, borderline, ptsd, anxiety, depression, DID,

all stemmed from childhood sexual, emotional and sometimes physical abuse ....... yes it's so easy to say the past is the past, get over it, look o the future, only YOU can get better by not letting the past win ......

NOT SO EASY SOMETIMES ....... i want to scream,cry get hysterical today ....IT'S HOW I FEEL .......

i want to kill that perverted selfish, dirty bastard that ruined my life and every other damned paedophile on this planet ..... please please dont tell me i need to forgive to get over it .....

i will never forgive him .... i can forgive the bullies because i put myself in a poition to be bullied by not sticking up for myself ......

i am having a bad day..... i'm sorry

  survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse

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  #2  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 05:48 AM
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reddevil reddevil is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: Uk
Posts: 988
((((((((((Jinny)))))))))

Scream all you want today.. maybe that's part of 'not letting the past win', by acknowledging that it happened and that it hurt.. so that someday you can be a little more ok with what happened. I doubt it's all being strong, and botling it up, and getting on and all that anyway.

Just go some place quiet and deserted if you can and scream.

  survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse
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  #3  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 06:38 AM
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darkrunner darkrunner is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,259
((((((jinnyann))))))
I'm sorry you are having a bad day.
You are not stupid.

You survived.......keep surviving.
You are doing it.

ktgirl

  survivor of abuse
  #4  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 08:51 AM
jinnyann
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Posts: n/a
some days i can e happy .... some days i canbe sad, some days i can cope, today i don't know what i can do .....

somedays i feel guilty for the people who are terminally ill, who love life, who want more than anything to live, survive, be happy ..... because some days i dont want to .... but i have kids, i gave them life and they are doing so well and i need to be here for them ..... it's a living hell some days ... to be thisweak, selfish and pathetic ...... ty for your support, i dont deserve you, my friends here ..... i sih i could just disappear and my kids would still be happy and live their lives, do well, love, live ......

i want to forget today and all these feelings i have inside ....

j/t/k i just dont know who i am, i cant find me, i've never known me ..... i dont know which mood is me, vent over   survivor of abuse
  #5  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 09:34 AM
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darkrunner darkrunner is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,259
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
somedays i feel guilty for the people who are terminally ill, who love life, who want more than anything to live, survive, be happy ..... because some days i dont want to .... but i have kids, i gave them life and they are doing so well and i need to be here for them ..... it's a living hell some days ... to be thisweak, selfish and pathetic ...... ty for your support, i dont deserve you, my friends here ..... i sih i could just disappear and my kids would still be happy and live their lives, do well, love, live ......

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I read this and was shocked because I feel EXACTLY the same. Every word. I'm so sorry you feel this way. It is truly horrible to go through life with such a burden.
I hope you find a few moments of peace today.

  survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse
kt
  #6  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 11:53 AM
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thelostone thelostone is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2007
Location: Naples, FL
Posts: 421
((((((((((((jinnyann))))))))))

i hope you can find peace today. i am looking for some too.

lost
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love yourself first, the rest will follow
  #7  
Old Aug 23, 2008, 09:43 PM
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Justgiving Justgiving is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,822
I'm sorry you are hurting so bad.

  survivor of abuse((((((((Jinnyann))))))))))   survivor of abuse

I wish I could make it better for you.
  #8  
Old Aug 24, 2008, 02:03 AM
RozG RozG is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2008
Location: U.K.
Posts: 6,767


  survivor of abuse ((((((((((((Kerry)))))))))))))   survivor of abuse
  #9  
Old Aug 24, 2008, 02:28 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,637
(((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))
  survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse   survivor of abuse
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