Body image, perception by self and others (may trigger)

I am a plus size woman. I've always seen myself as very fat, although when I look at another woman who wears exactly the same size as I do (she could even be wearing my clothes) I see her as only plump. For example, recently I loaned my coat to a woman. I was surprised at how tightly it fit her, whereas it fits me with much more room to spare. Her other clothing sizes were slightly larger than mine as well, but she didn't look "fat" to me. Yet I've been looking in the mirror and seeing a massive blob ever since the onset of puberty, and long before I actually was clinically obese.

Lately I've been reading books on fat acceptance. "Fat!So?" for one, and "Self Esteem Comes In All Sizes."

And maybe because these ideas are running loose in my head, I had a random thought on the way home tonight. When am I most likely to be put down and called "fat" by another person? I know when. It's not when my size, or diets, or anything remotely connected to weight is being discussed. No, there is really only one time the word "fat" ever takes aim at me, from someone else's mouth.

It's when that person disapproves of the opinion I just expressed. "Ahhh, shaddup, ya fat ole cow."

To myself I am fat all the time. To others I am fat only when I say something they don't like. Weird, isn't it?

I think that when someone is mad at you and tells you are fat, is because they know it bothers you. I do think that is wrong. If you have been told this since you have been young then it would have an impact on your self esteem. i have had people comment on my weight. I have been skinny, and fat. People have always made some kind of comment about what I look like. Now when someone tells me something that shouldn't be said. I just tell them something I don't like about them. Try that once and see if they will shut-up. Usually they will keep it shut after that.

That is an interesting bit of personal observation on your part. I feel the more we learn about ourselves and how we think is helpful to us.

I've always liked the idea that people who use "common" curse words are not very good with language, not very imaginative or have very good vocabularies (aren't very smart). In your case I'd put "fat" in there as a not very imaginative way to communicate. I would put comments by others that don't help me in the "your mother wears combat boots" category as not making a whole lot of sense? You are not a cow, so what does "fat" have to do with it? :-)

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Fat, Short, Skinny, Tall, Obese, or any where in between - I love them all.

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It sounds like you're seeing something that isn't really there. A neat exercise some groups do to show women how differently they perceive themselves is to take a huge piece of paper, tape it up on the wall; first draw your silhouette how YOU think it looks. Then have someone else outline your figure. Typically when women do this, they take a step back and see that how they perceived themselves was way bigger than the actual outline.

I used to (and still do to an extent) have horrible body image. I used to keep myself about 20 lbs underweight and still think I was fat. I could never see how guys would think I was attractive. So I had to start picking one thing about myself that I liked. I would look in the mirror and normally go "god I am so disgusting" and I had to force myself to pick one thing about myself that I liked. Eventually I realized that I did really like my own features individually and that helped me see that what I saw in myself wasn't real. It was distorted for whatever reason. And really it was because I didn't like myself on the inside either.

I had to put a lot of work into my issues like jealousy and being okay with not being the best at everything. Once I learned that getting a B is okay and not making the Dean's list every semester is okay....it got a lot easier. I was putting so much pressure on myself and it was killing me.

Hope this helps.

Thanks, I'm not doing well right now in the depression and self-esteem categories.

I am medically overweight, but not classified as "morbidly" obese. However, I've seen myself as "fat" ever since I was in third grade. Puberty came early for me, and that's when I started to mature. I was taller, heavier, and more developed than anyone else in my grade, boy or girl. And this was back in the days when school health records (height and weight) were measured in front of the whole class. I remember the day they wheeled that scale into the classroom. When it got to be my turn, as I approached the scale, a boy said he'd bet I weighed a thousand pounds. I didn't, of course. I weighed 70. Which is exactly what I should have weighed for my height and level of physical development. But I was the heaviest in the class, everyone else's weight started with a 5 or a 6, so it followed that I was "fat."

Actually, I didn't even enter the "overweight" category until I started high school, but I always saw myself as "fat." Still, as I originally observed, other people use "fat" as a squelch, when I've said something they don't like.

Let me give you an example: When John Paul II died, there was a message board attached to the news story. I noticed that only a small percentage of the people posting on it were discussing the death of the Pope. A much larger percentage were there to rag on the Catholic church for the child sex abuse scandals, etc., and many who did discuss the Pope called him the Dope or the Poop or something like that. Although I am not Catholic myself, I took them to task for it, and told them how wrong I thought their behavior was.

I had posted a recent picture in my profile, and apparently people looked at it to see who was saying these things, then came back with comments about my fat @$$. They wouldn't have said anything about my weight if I'd been agreeing with them, or had joined in their games. To them I was "fat" only because I disapproved of their behavior.

As far as my self-image goes, it doesn't help matters that my husband has no sexual attraction to me at all. He claims it's only ED because he's diabetic (which we both are) but I know what I see when I look in the mirror.

And as for things I like about my appearance, this is exactly why I keep my hair long. It is black, healthy, shiny, and thick, and it reaches all the way to my tailbone. My hair generates far more comments from stangers than my weight does, and if I cut it, I am afraid that instead of being "that woman with the long hair," I would have to be "that fat woman."

Am I hiding behind my hair? Maybe. But I do like it long, and it's staying that way as long as I'm competent to make that decision for myself.

Interesting thread. I have not really struggled with body image until very recently. Have never dieted and have sort of accepted myself as is.

However new meds about two months ago and have gained forty pounds and three sizes in that time. I still think of myself as I was two short months ago. That is until I saw Christmas pics and it almost seems like another person.

It has just come on so fast. I only gained 21 lbs when pregnant and no stretch marks. Now its like I dont know how to move in my own body. I have stretch marks and on the brighter side bigger breasts

Back has gotten much worse and my joints are terrible. I dont ever worry about other peoples weight but I do not think that gaining that much so fast can be all that healthy. Heres hoping I dont gain 40 more by Easter.

You know, I think I hide behind my hair too. I have red hair that's about down to my tailbone too and lately I've been really wanting to cut it, but I had the same thought as you. If I cut it off, won't I just be that fat girl?

Updates:

My therapist says I should believe my husband when he says the problem is his, not mine. It's hard for me to do that, but I'll try.

Catrules, I know what you mean about pain! It's horrible. And it only makes it that much more difficult to exercise and help control the weight that is causing the pain. Catch-22, isn't it?

Perpetuallysad, we're two of a kind, aren't we?

Hunny every women sees their body differently than what others see it. I totally understand i am a "curvy" women and have been dealing with it since i was little, I still havent gotten use to the idea that I will never be technically skinny.. its hard but hunny you are BEAUTIFUL!!!