[spunky2104]

I dont know anymore, I was sexually abuse in 2009.... Ive had sex with well to be honest i dont know, I thought if sleeping with someone would let me feel in control of when where and who, I havent told anyone about the number of men Ive been with because Im afraid of being judged and called a slut ***** all the names in the book.... I havent had sex in almost 3 years now but as of lately Ive been wanting sex from I dont care who because I dont care for myself... I want that feeling of being wanted and in control of something in my life..... can anyone help??

[Leed]

Spunky, you need some therapy. What happened to you in 2009 was NOT YOUR FAULT. You say you don't care for yourself -- WHY?? I realize that's a normal reaction when someone is abused -- but you did NOt cause this to happen. This is not your fault and you are not "dirty, or a slut, or soiled." You are still a good person, with great qualities, and any man could love you. You just have to learn to love yourself! You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else!!!

Is there any way you can get into therapy? Can you have your doctor refer you to a good therapist? Do you have insurance that would cover it? I sure hope so.

Are you in school? If you're in school, talk to the school counselor. he/she has heard this plenty of times and CAN help you!! So talk to the counselor!

But don't go on thinking this way about yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You're still a wonderful person that God made! And God loves you. Hugs, Lee

[JLarissaDragon]

I think Leed has posted a very helpful reply. I understand somewhat what you are going through. I was abused/raped at 14. By the time I was 17 I craved sex and did it with almost anyone who would give me the attention. Being an easy mark I am sure I was open fodder for any hormone enhanced teenage male. The obvious thing happened. I got pregnant during my last term in high school, then miscarried after 3 months.

Being abused in 2009 was not your fault in any way or under any conditions. It was wrong for someone to take advantage of you, and I suspect that your response like mine is not all that uncommon. No girl should ever have to go through that

I got into a bunch of bad relationships with dysfunctional males and finally married one after I got pregnant again. After 4 years of being an abusive slug, he took off one day and ran away with another woman. I eventually remarried at 31 and have had a stable relationship since

The bottom line it is not all that uncommon for a girl to want sex. How ever going to bed with just anyone of the male gender is really dangerous and incredibly damaging psychologically.

I really believe that a good counselor can help you through this. Most women have this great desire to be wanted and to be loved. But it needs to be with someone who is really committed to being there for you and for whom you really care. The world is full of "sperm donors" who exploit women for their own pleasure

It does not have to be that way. Sex with a man whom you really love and who really loves you can be the most beautiful thing in the world. When that is not true it can be pretty degrading and evil

Hugs -- I am cheering for you and just want you to know that I care

[spunky2104]

Lee, Ive been in counseling for along time but I havent really opened up completely :/ I know its not gonna help if Im not completely open and honest but I dont want to be judged and in the back of my mind I know she wont judge me its her job not to judge me shes there to help, but she recently moved to texas and Im in california.... Jlarissadragon,
I guess it wasnt my fault completely I shouldnt have been where I was when I was, I consented at first but got scared and it hurt like a mother!! I dont think a man can ever love me Im damaged goods, I fear that once they find out about my past they'll run for the hills and I dont blame them shoot I'd run too.... I havent really even told my mom who happens to be my best friend how many guys Ive been with she'd be so disappointed in me and wouldnt look at me the same well thats what I fear the most... and Im afraid my BBF would think of me as a huge slut and find me dirty...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by spunky2104

Lee, Ive been in counseling for along time but I havent really opened up completely :/ I know its not gonna help if Im not completely open and honest but I dont want to be judged and in the back of my mind I know she wont judge me its her job not to judge me shes there to help, but she recently moved to texas and Im in california.... Jlarissadragon,
I guess it wasnt my fault completely I shouldnt have been where I was when I was, I consented at first but got scared and it hurt like a mother!! I dont think a man can ever love me Im damaged goods, I fear that once they find out about my past they'll run for the hills and I dont blame them shoot I'd run too.... I havent really even told my mom who happens to be my best friend how many guys Ive been with she'd be so disappointed in me and wouldnt look at me the same well thats what I fear the most... and Im afraid my BBF would think of me as a huge slut and find me dirty...

Besides the fact that what happened to you was not your fault (your placing yourself where you were is not fault enough), what happened to you is statistically common, so it is really unlikely that you personally will be singled out as "damaged goods".

Since you worry so much, I would suggest opening up to the therapist first, before mom, BFF, male partners, potential male partners, etc., because, as you pointed out correctly, therapists are not trained to judge you, not at all.

[Leed]

Spunky ~ why do you think it would be necessary to bare your soul to any potential person you get into a relationship with? Do you think HE'S going to tell YOU about all HIS conquests or his past?? Heck no!! He's not going to tell you all the women HE'S been with! So why do you feel compelled to tell about the men you have been with? It's none of his business! Your past is your past. If you find yourself planning a future with someone, that's just what it is -- a future. The past has nothing to do with it. Just make sure you have been tested for any STD's.

You DO need to tell your therapist, but she won't judge you hon. It isn't her job to judge you. Only God judges us, and He is a loving, forgiving God. So tell your therapist. And DON'T be afraid. It's over and done with. It's not going on any longer -- you're not still doing it. So don't fear your therapist.

I wish you the best my friend. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee