Want to try to conceive but...

Hi!

I am brand new to these forums, just looking for the right place for me...have had a broad spectrum of issues over the years, my life is in balance now but depression/anxiety issues are creeping back in.

I am 30, married 2.5 years, work full time, have 2 dogs, 2 cats. My husband and I are pretty much ready for kids...I had surgery in August and need to wiat a couple more months.

I have some concerns and am looking for support/encouragement/sympathy/acknowledgement....I don't know.

1. My sex drive is non-existant. I don't know how I am going to get knocked up if I don't find a way to not get anxious about sex (didn't used to be this way, I thought I was insecure about my body and got myself into incredible shpe, still feel insecure....)

2. I have a medical phobia. Ugh. Just can't shake it, it makes me so ashamed of myself - I went to a new OB/GYN and he actually asked if I was molested as a child because I became so nervous....I faint from blood work and always think the bio hazard box is going to dump out on me....totally logical, right?

3. I am scared of post-partum depression - has anyone here ever worked on a plan for dealing with this? I feel like i want to have a "backup plan' just in case I can't cope after giving birth.

Wow, I am a bundle of fun, huh?

Sounds like a lot on your mind. In the Depression Forum, I noticed there's a place for Post-partum Depression, not sure, if that would be of any help, but most forums on this board, usually are more than helpful. I, personally, haven't checked it out, as I joined here, already having had my babies, a while prior.

Is therapy, something you've done or would consider? It's not a bad idea, to tackle fears and (try to)resolve any thing from your past, before having children.

I agree that talking to a therapist would be helpful now. And you could talk to a therapist toward the end of pregnancy about dealing with any post-natal depression that MIGHT occur.

Have you ever considered a surrogate or even just adoption? With the first option, you can still have a baby that's genetically related to you without having to personally go through the process of a pregnancy (and all that may entail medically/mentally).

1. THere are other options other than physical sex, if sex anxiety is severe, talk about this to your OBGYN doctor during your ante-natal appointment and she'll give you options; for another way to conceive/fertility treatment

2. There are important bloodwork that should be done, but depending on the facility policies and doctor, there may be alternatives if your fear is severe (ultrasound to confirm pregnancy instead of bloodwork) so you should ask about it.

3. If you have a history of depression/anxiety the doctor would work with a psych doc or therapist, if you are taking meds, depending on severity you could possibly continue taking certain ones during pregnancy and after labor. Your OBGYN would refer you to couseling/therapy/psychiastrist

Well I for one have no sex drive and 3 children. You don't have to have a sex drive to have kids, you just have to have sex. I have been sexually abused in the past, and sex is not something I am terribly fond of. I just dissociate and next thing ya know it is over. Not the best way to handle things for sure, but it is what is going on at the moment. I am currently in T for this by the way.

I requested a female OB-GYN one who was not skinny because I didn't want to be be littled for being a Big Girl. I found one and she was a nurse practitioner which was fine with me. When it came time to see all the Dr's in the practice, I opted out and choose not to have every man in the place touch my vagina.

I pass out every time they draw blood, preggy or not. It is just something I do. I tell them in advance "look this is what happens" They get the orange juice ready for me to drink and they take my blood laying down and I pass out anyway but at least I don't fall into the floor. So don't worry about that one.

I have depression. I only had post postpartum depression with my last child. She was a surprise and I struggled very much with having another child when I was done. God was not done, I was. Now she is 6 and she and I are great. I did put something on here about post postpartum depression in the depression forum. I wouldn't read much from there. It would only makes concerns worse in my opinion. They have classes for those who anticipate postpartum depression or for those who have had it with a previous pregnancy. Because it does ten to repeat itself. But again I am on child number 3 and I only had it with one child.

If you are well prepared then there is nothing to worry about.

Thank you for the responses. I joined this site last month but didn't log in very much, so I am just seeing them now.
Every time I think I am pulling out of a funk things seem worse than before, I think I need to be delaying this until I am not such a mess, but that clock is ticking...

me and you have so much in common for #1 I think the best approach for you is to try some natural aphrodisiac methods and put on some sexy lingerie or go shopping to bring up your self esteem! It truly doesn't matter what you look like you could be Miss universe and still loathe yourself because its all about self-love. Every bit of confidence you feel will reflect outward and radiate from the inside :-)
2. Having a medical phobia is definitely not uncommon no one likes to be probed and prodded in a intimidating place full of the uncertainty of what may or may not happen. But its a fear that can be conquered with some newfound confidence if followed by #1 ;-).
3. I've seen some incredible women bounce back from post partum hormonal changes simply because they give themselves reasonable goals about coming back to their normal body and getting plenty of rest & relaxation. Here at pc is a great forum to share experiences so that the more knowledge you gain the more likely you'll be at ease <3.