[Lonely_90]

I am 23, I have finished college, and I have an "OK" job. Deffinetly room for improvement, but its a job. My boyfriend is 24 and also has a job ( he actually works at the same place as me just a dif department). I have to "baby urge" I have talked to him about it and he def dose want babies, the thing is, we dont have sex, we do other things, but he will not do the deed.

I want to have a baby, I know I have a few things to work out before then, I want my baby to have a home to live in, with both parents. I wanted to be married before I have a baby, but I also do not want to be a 30 year old mom. Some people are ok with this, and I would be fine with it to, I just want a baby now.

WHY do I have such an urge to get pregnant????

[healingme4me]

Will your bf, sooner, than later, ask you to marry him? I hear you, on a couple things, wanting to be married and wanting to give birth before 30. (I was 31 when I had my 3rd and last baby--well, not that I couldn't still get pregnant, just the thought of being in the high risk category scares me--gestational diabetes and preeclampsia risks).

Is it, there a moral reason, for not 'doing the deed'? I ask, with an underlying concern, about whether, in marriage, your bf has potential to 'withhold' from you.

Many, women, get 'urges' for babies. I am sure, it's something physiological, I just don't know the full scientific reasoning behind it.

[Big Mama]

Lonley, I agree, first u should get married. And good for yall for not doing the deed yet. There will be plenty of time for that later. Make super sure this is the guy for you. My H and I were married for 4 years before we had kids. Because we wanted to make sure we were compatible. We were compatible enough to be married, but after you live with someone day in and day out your opinion might change.

God helps instincts take over and I understand that drive to have children. IT is crazy. Sometimes though having dreams of mothering and strong feelings to have a baby are a sign of a deeper issue. Like the need to take care of your self, or a self nurturing type thing. Especially if you are under a great deal of emotional or mental stress.

I had my last child at 34. So you do have a while. Just be sure this is what you want. You know what kind of situation and relationship I am in, and the only thing I regret sometimes is that I ever choose to have children with my Hubby. If your relationship is not stable or there is any kind of abuse, you can walk away form a marriage but a child doesn't get to walk away from a parent child relationship. Everything a child see they think is ok and that is what they grow up to expect in a partner when the marry. It is very complicated. Just saying.

Best of luck with this. I do know how you feel. The urge to procreate and reproduce is tremendous.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by Lonely_90

I am 23, I have finished college, and I have an "OK" job. Deffinetly room for improvement, but its a job. My boyfriend is 24 and also has a job ( he actually works at the same place as me just a dif department). I have to "baby urge" I have talked to him about it and he def dose want babies, the thing is, we dont have sex, we do other things, but he will not do the deed.

I want to have a baby, I know I have a few things to work out before then, I want my baby to have a home to live in, with both parents. I wanted to be married before I have a baby, but I also do not want to be a 30 year old mom. Some people are ok with this, and I would be fine with it to, I just want a baby now.

WHY do I have such an urge to get pregnant????

The question "why" is the one you need to answer before you consider becoming pregnant.

[RomanSunburn]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Is it, there a moral reason, for not 'doing the deed'? I ask, with an underlying concern, about whether, in marriage, your bf has potential to 'withhold' from you.

I was wondering if, since she told him about the baby urges and he's not ready, it's his way of putting the brakes on things.

I agree, you do need to take a closer look at why you want to have a baby. The urge to have a baby is natural, I'm going through it myself. But I have to reason with my logical side to make sure I don't make a silly decision that would cause long time hurt and damage to an innocent child that didn't ask to be brought into this world.

[Lonely_90]

I often wonder the same thing, but I think its more of hes scared of the "emotional" attachment it would give to him.

I ask myself why all the time, My friends had children right out of high school, they both live on there own, and there babies are taken care of, I choose to go to college and get a degree first before even thinking about having a baby.

Now that I have finished school, have a job, and working on my own small business ( small design firm freelance type things) I am ready to settle down, and have the family that I always wanted. Babies surround me, when I hold my BF nephew or see him hold him, I cant help but feel the need for a baby. it is an urge that I cannot get past, I would be nervous scared yes, but i would cry happy tears if I got pregnant

Remember: Babies don't stay babies forever. I think sometimes women see the "romantic" ideal of pregnancy, childbirth, and babies, and they ignore/avoid/discount the fact that they are a lifetime commitment and it isn't all sweet baby clothes and cuddling. Children are HARD work. They are hugely expensive, not just as babies; in fact, they get more and more expensive as they grow.

Figure out your relationship issues. Get married and stay that way without children for a few years. Then have children. You are very young still and have many years to get this all figured out. There is no rush here.

[EmilysZoo]

Ok, a couple of questions;
1. How long have you been with your boyfriend?
2. Is the urge to have a child clouding your ability to see if your BF is 'the one?"
3. Why have you not had sex yet? Religious/moral reasons I understand, but if it's something else, I wonder why?

Ok, why do I ask these questions? Because I have personal/family experience of how things can wrong when the urge to have a child interferes with one's ability to make logical decisions. Yes, having a baby is emotional, but without some logic, there can be problems.

For example, my brother's wife wanted kids so badly and was worried about getting old. They got married and started trying right away. They had one and shortly after, it became clear that they really aren't a good match for each other. They get along well-enough, but no way should they have gotten married. Now they stay in the marriage for their child, but there is much unhappiness in their lives.

As for sex, I didn't think that was a big thing before marriage and kids. However, it has taken over 20 years for me to get up the courage to start improving our sex lives. We are not compatible in that area so it's a lot of work (emotionally) for me. Honestly I knew that we had different likes when it came to sex before we started trying to have kids, but we both wanted kids, and the age thing came into play, and I just didn't give it enough thought. Again, if you have religious or moral reasons for waiting, you are in a different situation than I.

Anyway, my husband is really a nice person. My brother and his wife are nice people. However, often I wish I could step back in time and think a bit more clearly before I had kids. Would I be with someone else, have a more fulfilling job, have different types of kids? I love my kids so I don't regret having them, but I do wonder if I should have made different choices so that my life would be happier at this point.

[Patagonia]

I totally agree w/ 1914sierra.
My H & I were married 11 yrs before we had children. Yes I had my last one when I was 40 but to me it's just a number! I do wish sometimes I had more energy but that is the only regret. I know my H like the back of my hand, I have 100 times more patience than I did in my 20s. My H & I saw 13 countries together traveling, we're in a home, financially stable & we were emotionally ready for kids. I'm not knocking having kids young & growing up w/ them, but don't knock having them when your a bit more mature too.

[growlycat]

lol 30 isn't as old as you think.

[Perna]

The urge is built in, welcome to being female, sounds like you have lots of nice strong hormones But we are not just our hormones, other animals have the same urge but they don't get a choice, they just get pregnant wily nily when Nature decides it is a good idea (where there's enough food, water, etc.).

Sounds like you know what needs to be done before having a baby would be a good idea; I would work on the boyfriend (if he's the one you want to marry, if not, I would look for one you would like to marry) and have quite a few discussions with him about the future and what the two of you want in detail. Do you only want one child? Chances are you will perhaps be pregnant around 30 if you want multiple children, but you probably will not feel about 30 the way you do now.

[Lonely_90]

30 isn't old..... I just want to be younger, I always have.

[Jan1212]

Not speaking for anyone but I felt that way as well, I know some people feel differently. I looked around at family and friends expecting (and I tell myself stop comparing), even though we're not old, we feel that way, it felt like I was "timed". So I can understand.

Living in this society I had to be prepared. I know that this isn't all about me anymore, it's about the baby now and will be for 18+ years. I can't eat certain things, do certain things, there are days when I have to miss work, some things I never expected, my body is changing, I can't take of anyone except me for now! My depression and anxiety is more stressful. So yuou'll need support from him and the family so make sure you both are committed, things have been tough with my husband but we got through it. I know things will get tougher

I also just received my degree, and moved out, fiance and I got married. But wow my first 2 prenatal appts and clinic statements said $2500 before insurance. (I have health insurance thru my husband). Where I live, daycare for infants 4x/wk is 1800/mo. but I plan on being home. Though most places where plan to work, have daycare centers. The town next door has one of the best grade schools.

It's not like I want a baby just to have a baby. My view now is that it's a human to take care of, to take priority in everything I do. I'm slowly incorporating this into my life. I know I am not going to get any sleep, and really have to get used to poop. I'm looking for birthing classes now, and soon have to research for a pediatrician.

[halbrooksprincez3]

GET A DOG!

Nah, just playin'.

Okay, that all does make sense. I just got married about 2 months ago, and all i see around me is pregnant women or young babies, so i know whats going on in your head.

What i would say is just relax and actually talk to him and see if thats what he wants. Its a big commitment (at least thats what i hear ).

Its not really up to us, but if it was, i would say go for it.

[Rzay4]

You want the unconditional love that a child brings, 27 isn't a bad age to have a child. Now 23 is a little young.

[Blackrock]

It's perfectly find to want a baby but find out the true reason will make u more determined.
I got married at 26 and waited 3 yrs before having a baby. I want to enjoy my life and be prepare(financially and emotionally)when the baby arrived!

Know what you Really want! Do you want a baby bc it's adorable? Or u want a baby cuz u want to get marry or be a young mom?

Know the responsibilities! Baby comes with lots sleepless nites, sacrifices both time and money! Is this what u want? Or rather enjoy your single life and freedom for now.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Lonely_90

I often wonder the same thing, but I think its more of hes scared of the "emotional" attachment it would give to him.

I ask myself why all the time, My friends had children right out of high school, they both live on there own, and there babies are taken care of, I choose to go to college and get a degree first before even thinking about having a baby.

Now that I have finished school, have a job, and working on my own small business ( small design firm freelance type things) I am ready to settle down, and have the family that I always wanted. Babies surround me, when I hold my BF nephew or see him hold him, I cant help but feel the need for a baby. it is an urge that I cannot get past, I would be nervous scared yes, but i would cry happy tears if I got pregnant

Has he expressed when, he'd like to start a family?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

You want the unconditional love that a child brings, 27 isn't a bad age to have a child. Now 23 is a little young.

Even at having a child, at 27, you may find you aren't quite the youngest, mom in your childs social circle, but you come close; well, depending on where you live, of course, but I find, I'm on the younger end of the spectrum.

just to add, my oldest's father IS the oldest dad, in his class...(these things, come up, when the kids are in school...it was shocking news to my oldest, but he thought it was the coolest thing on earth)

[tohelpafriend]

on babies: I had mine at 33 and 36 and earned my B.A. at 38!! I just would like to add that a very strong support system will ease the workload, but they are so wonderful when young....teen years are not fun, one of mine was rebellious. Don't bank on unconditional love, because they do become adults and no one can hurt you like they can because they do not get the blood sweat and tears that went into their well being. Have tons of money, college paid for by their high school years, cosign all loans with them so when they earn more than you do, they assume the loan. So, that just sparked my interest.......good luck! "help...."

[Rosondo]

I don't understand women who want to get pregnant. It looks so unpleasant, the nausea and vomiting, the pain of giving birth which many have called THE WORST PAIN ever, etc. On top of that, all the changes inside the body and then being responsible for another human being who always crying and you have to keep guessing what's wrong with him/her, then spends rest of time sleeping or pooping. Actually that describes quite a few of my guy friends.

Seriously though, I don't understand at all. Is it some kind of indescribable biological urge, like similar to craving certain foods? Is it some kind of a social competition? I mean I see some women get pregnant soon after friends get pregnant. Is it some kind of an accomplishment, kind of like going up a mountain to reach a peak despite the dangers and fatigue and pain and all that? Is it love, like really wanting to take care of and shape another human being? I mean I see little girls playing with dolls and they're so gentle and considerate and caring...unless little girls are socialized into doing that by media or parents or something...but regardless whether biological or social, girls are more likely than guys to have that special touch, to take care of someone. Okay I'm gonna stop guessing.

[Lonely_90]

In my town, most girls have there first child either in high school or a couple years after, I can name atleast half of my high school class that has children, but that is not the reason I want a baby. I have been out of college almost for 2 years, I have just moved to a different department at work, I hve hd so many accomplishments thus far. I would say it is like a food urge, it has gotten better since I posted this, I no longer have the urge to "nest" scrub baseboards and all that.

For me, I feel like I am at the point of my life I want to start a family. He has expressed interest in children, but when I asked him when he would like them, he didn't give me a direct answer. For me a child means that I hve another life to take care of, something that is mine. For him, it's something else he has to protect, thus more responsibility which scares him a little, Orr a lot lol.

It will happen when it's ment to.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Rosondo]

Thank you for explaining. By the way love that second quote in your sig, so beautiful and tender, I can not put it into words. It is very relevant to my life right now.

[NWgirl2013]

I get it. I did it. I loved it. I was meant to be a mom and loved every single second of being a mom. I could not have loved my kids more if I tried, they were everything and then some. Were they perfect angels? No. Was there some heartbreak in there? Of course.
But I loved being a young mom. It was what I wanted as my own mom was considered 'elderly' at 36, when she had me. And I was fortunate to have had several years of marriage before we decided to start our family. My H could have gone either way on the subject because he liked having all my attention all the time before the kids. But he loved our kids once they came. Had he been more indifferent it might have never happened, but he knew it was the right thing for us at the time, so he did not hesitate.
I had my first at 23.
Was it hard? Yes. Were they expensive? Duh. Was it the happiest time in my life, bar everything else? Absolutely. Is it rational in this day & age to want this? Probably not, but I would wish it on everyone, it was the most joy I ever experienced in life. I can only hope that they realize how much they were cherished as children, and can be loving parents themselves one day.

[falsememory7]

Lonely, I agree with you so much! So many of my old friends had babies in high school, and right out of high school - I can't count them on two hands! That's not my reason for wanting a baby either, but I know how you feel. Right now I'm in college, and single haha, but I definitely do not want my first child past 30. I actually have a countdown Haha, it's just a preference. I understand that some people prefer to travel the world first, and completely mature before settling down and starting a family, yet I belong to the other group who just wants to graduate from college, get a job and have a family right after that. I just love kids so much, and I've spent a lot of time around them over the years. So I know exactly how you feel about having kids soon - I want them so badly, but I know I have to wait. Just follow your heart, and don't base your decision off of what anyone else believes you should do.

[kala83]

its ironic that I came across this post in all honesty cause. I was just thinking the same thing.

For years I have wanted to try to have kids and up until now I thought it was just a wishful dream. But I am dating someone in my life that wants to have kids and have a family, he says he wants it some day but I begining to realize at the age of 30 which for me is coming up in only a few weeks time.

I will not have very much time to try to do this if I really want to.

I am scared to death because I still live at home with my mother, and I am techically still trying to look for work right now.
But I want to have a child, I want to know what it is like to have a baby inside me and to give birth. It both excites and horrifies me to no end. For lots of reasons.

For one I am sure some of my family would not approve of this. Like my mother, she will probably scold me telling me I am not in a good enough finical place to have or raise a baby.

as well as I have had many medical issues before in the past, seizures, and un explained neurological issues.

But I want this, yes it might be hard yes I might be high risk and have to go through more work then a lot of other people would to be able to do this. But I truly want it, and it does not mean I want to not have a job or not go back to school either. It means simply I want to do this in addition to what I am doing right now in my life as well.