Is my relationship failing because of my disorders?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. We started off great, and now it’s going downhill. We constantly argue. He keeps telling me it’s my fault, but I keep insisting it is not. I recently was diagnosed with anxiety and depression (some ocd). Before I met my boyfriend I was happy, and hanging out often with friends who I barely see now. In my point of view, he is the one who has the problems. He was physically and mentally abused as a child by his father. He and I have gotten in to arguments that ended in my punching him in the face for calling my friend a *****. He still brings it up to make me feel bad, but I was only defending my best friend. He has stopped trusting me because of a journal he read from when I was 16. (I’m 25 now). I was promiscuous at that age, and made mistakes I am not proud of but I had let them go and didn’t dwell. He brings them up often, and I am beaten down (mentally) because of my past. He says I am the problem but I don’t tell him he’s a piece of crap because of his father? He calls me names, like the b word, and other horrible names. Tells me to go find some guy he saw me talking with at work (I’m a server) and to go down on him in some car like I’ve done in the past. I have never cheated, nor thought of it but ever since he read that journal he hasn’t let it go.
We have fought so badly that he has destroyed my new Mazda I bought a few years ago.
I want to leave him but he lives with me and has nowhere to go. Then again I care for him and want us to work out. I know we could if he got help for his anger etc but he keeps telling me to find help and go take my drugs. He tells me to “stop going crazy” or calls me crazy.
Have you ever been stuck in a room with someone who wont let you leave and calls you awful names for hours? I have. I tell him to leave, I tell him I don’t love him, and I have called the cops. He cries and begs for forgiveness.
Maybe my disorder is making me let him stay? I just don’t know what to do. I try to force him out but he manipulates me to let him stay and controls my life.

He also is very caring and sweet at times. maybe multiple personality? or bi polar?

The thing is that every woman believes that abusive men are always somewhere "out there" and that truly abusive men are always abusive. The truth is that there is a cycle to abuse. There is the abusive period, and then there is the make up period where everything is great. Its the cycle that gets many women hooked as they look at the good times and say "he is such a great guy". But, EVERY abusive man has a great side. (Well, most of them.) I wouldn't say that he has multiple personalities (I have PTSD and was hospitalized with DID patients, and the disorder doesn't manifest like that.) Nor would I point to bipolar, as that just stereotypes the bipolar disorder into something it isn't. I think he is just an abusive arse, plain and simple. No need to pin a disorder on him in order to explain his behavior away.

Get away from him now. He has destroyed your car. Are you going to stick around so that he destroys you, too?

ETA...

Do you realize you are deep in the throws of an abusive relationship? It is typical of the one being abused to look at themselves and think they are the ones doing wrong. I think your title points to this clearly.

this does not seem to be worth preserving. You overstepped the limits by punching him in the face for calling your BFF a *****, and you have not accepted responsibility for doing that, because you miscategorized what you did as "defending your friend". If a person makes unseemly remarks about your BFF verbally, you respond in the same fashion - verbally. Punching someone in the face because of a verbal remark is not self-defense.

He trespassed on your private journal and has not accepted responsibility for it. Also, like you, he miscategorized what he did in his mind - in his mind, reading through your journal entitles him to be suspicious of you, whereas in reality he should be apologetic for violating your private space.

That he damaged your Mazda means that he physically violent.

Each of you accuses the other, does not take personal responsibility, and tries to implicate each other's mental health issues. Who needs this kind of a relationship if you can avoid it?

It is just not good and unless he is on the lease or title of the property you live in, you can just show him the door without further ado.

I could say a lot about this situation, but maybe it'll suffice to say I feel very worried about you staying is this relationship. The previous posters offered good advice.

Please try to get out of this situation as soon as you can. I don't know if you have a lease or what. If he won't leave, it would be a good idea to start planning on moving yourself as soon as that's possible. Yes, that's a pain in the neck, but this relationship will only get worse. Unfortunately, it's become mutually abusive, with him acting like an emotional jerk and you punching him for it. Not good.

Even if you love him ... this is not a healthy relationship. Both of you may need to get help with your individual problems. It's not unusual for me to suggest couples counseling when a relationship is in trouble, but I can't see how this love affair is worth saving. Please take care of yourself. You deserve more than a life of emotional abuse.

I wish you strength and courage. That's what a woman needs to extricate herself from the push-pull of an abusive relationship.

my advice is phone police and get him removed. he sounds just like my x. abusive, paranoid, jealous, manipulative person who uses emotional blackmail to stay in your life. get rid.