[Juliana]

A guy at work (who I hadn't met before) asked me to lunch this week. Before that, we exchanged a few fun (kind of flirty) e-mails. The day we met for lunch was the first time we met in person. I was so nervous, but as soon as I went outside to meet him, I felt so comfortable with him. Lunch was lovely. He's lovely. I'm more smitten than I want to be. Since then, he has stopped by my window twice a day to invite me on a smoke break with him. We've had nice chats.

He's a musician in his spare time and asked me to go see him play in a pub tonight. One of my colleagues said to me yesterday, "Have fun on your date tomorrow night!" and I responded with, "I don't think it's a date" and she said, "Of course it is!"

So, I really have no idea if it IS a date. I'm all befuddled. I'm afraid of misreading signals (again!) and getting disappointed or hurt. I like this guy much more than the last guy... and I wish I didn't. I used to trust my intuition and thought I was pretty good at reading guys' motives, but my recent experience with the British guy who was taking me out and then felt "no sparks" with me, confused the heck out of me...

I'm just rambling here. I'm nervous about tonight. This guy has such an effect on me and that's freaking me out because we just met. He makes me feel weak in the knees just by looking at me... and that scares me. Maybe he invites LOTS of girls to see him play. I dunno. I'm so freaking nervous and confused. I really want him to like me the way I like him. I really don't want to get hurt.

Any thoughts? Does the lunch thing sound like a date? Do you think I'm going on a date tonight?

[EJ711]

Juliana,

You're such a great writer!!!

I would try to keep your emotions somewhat in check, if possible, b/c of the stupid Brit. Musicians are pretty sexy in general.

You are a very pretty lady, just be careful, and give yourself a little time.

((((((Juliana)))))

Hugs,

EJ

[Juliana]

Thanks EJ. I'm trying to keep my emotions in check. It's hard, though. Before I met this guy, my colleague saw him checking me out and pointed him out to me and I thought he was very attractive. Then, I came face with him a week ago and he was looking at me and I felt my knees go completely weak and I sort of floated away without saying a word. I knew I was in trouble at that point. It has been SO many years (about 10 years actually) since a man has had that kind of effect on me -- just by looking at me. When I got the e-mail from him asking me to lunch, I was in the middle of a meeting. I read the e-mail, felt all giddy and totally lost my train of thought and my intern asked me why I was blushing. Grrrr... I hate feeling this way. It's scary.

I have left it up to him to make all the first moves and I plan to continue doing that. I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve... but he makes me feel swoooony... and I wish he didn't. I'm so damn nervous right now!

I should have known he would turn out to be a musician. Only musicians can have this effect on me.

[SecretGarden]

So is this the guy that you thought you might care to have a make out session in the courtyard of the University?

[Juliana]

Um... yup. We chat and smoke together in the courtyard twice a day. He gives me impure thoughts.

[SecretGarden]

Well ... good for you.

Swooney is fun but keeping it in check... and nerves. Oh what a bundle.... of fun, and nerves and .....

What is it about musicians do you think?

[Juliana]

My ex-boyfriend is a musician. I thought he was the love of my life when we were together (we were together for a long time) and now he's my best friend. I didn't know he was a musician when I first met him either. I tend to get a sense of a gentle spirit and a sensitivity from men who are musicians. That's always my first impression of them -- even before I know they're musicians. I play piano and flute and used to sing competitively, and I'm creative and artsy and I guess I feel a kinship with other creative people.

Most of my close male friends are musicians and about 80% of the men I have dated have been musicians.

So many of my friends complain about the men in their lives being uncommunicative, unemotional, etc. I have never experienced that in any of my relationships. All the men I've dated have been very emotional, sensitive, open, talkative, etc. I'm guessing that personality is more common amongst musicians... and I'm drawn to that personality type.

They usually have long hair and beards too... and I have a thing for long hair and beards. Mmmmm....

[EJ711]

Juliana,

Sounds like you are in for the time of your life this evening!!

Keep one foot on the ground, and you won't get into too much trouble -- I think -- LOL!!

Hugs,

EJ

[EJ711]

Juliana and Friends,

BTW, my childhood friend is married to a musician, and she has never been happier.

Hugs,

EJ

[Zen888]

I'd just take your cues from him as to what his intentions are. You know your own limitations and boundaries as far as men & dates go. Just behave in a way that won't make you feel sick to your stomach afterwards.

A pub? If you drink...be extra careful. Musicians stay up LATE. Even one drink per hour could lead to complete falldownness.

And there is something about a guy on stage. If off stage he is a 5...on stage the same guy is an 8. So, if you are smitten now - well, you'll be in big trouble then!!

Have fun. Be careful of your heart. But mostly, have fun.

em

[Liberada]

woohoo! He sounds hot! I wish I could be a 'fly on the wall'! I can't wait for an up date!

i'm waiting with bated breath.......... you know what i think about this.......have fun and e.mail me immediately!!!

[nothemama8]

aren't ya glad ya didn't have......PM me for the rest hahahahahaha

[Liberada]

add me to the PM toooooo!

[Juliana]

I wish I could everyone an update on my afternoon/evening with Mr. X, but I'm all confused. I spent about 8 hours with him -- seeing him play in a pub, seeing other people play, chatting, having drinks and dinner, going to another pub to see someone else play, going back to his house with a bunch of people. I got some very mixed messages. He was super-friendly and chatty and flirty and really focused on me through most of the time, but by the time everyone got back to his house, I suddenly felt like I was invisible. He was talking about music with another musician (a guy he went to college with I think).

Then, later, everyone left except me and one other person and the three of us started talking about depression. We were talking about a musician friend of ours who seems to be doing much better. This particular guy's wife left him right after she gave birth to their baby and he had quite a breakdown and took it very, very hard... He ended up staying with my ex-boyfriend for a few months because he was such a mess he couldn't function on his own. Then Mr. X said "After my last break-up it took me 2 years to stop thinking about her everyday, so now I just don't get into relationships." So, that made me feel not so great. I decided shortly after that I was going to go home. He wanted me to stay and have one more drink, but I just felt kind of miserable (alcohol really is a depressant for me -- even though I only had 4 drinks). He gave me a lovely, tight hug and told me he's so glad we met and wants to make the Saturday matinee outing a regular thing. (He had also mentioned us having dinner soon at restaurant behind his place earlier in the evening.) I just felt confused and miserable when I got home. Still feeling confused and kind of sad. I really like him, but I don't have any idea what's going on in his head. If I had come home 2 hours earlier, I would have left feeling convinced that he was interested in me, but the evening took a rather depressing turn.

[nothemama8]

sweetie it could have been the drink and topic, not you
see if ya can get him to do things without the bar scene, okay?

[Liberada]

(((((juliana)))))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
so now I just don't get into relationships.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

well ..... maybe it was his way of saying how important it is that you know he's interested and doesn't want to get hurt himself ........?

I think it still sounds like a good date. But we can whip butt if ya want.

yes, we can!!! we're here for whatever it takes.......xoxox pat

These things sound date-like to me.

When I first met my husband, and we were dating, I didn't know if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was too embarrassed to ask. (Hi, I'm 13). After a couple of weeks, I was really getting hung up about the whole thing. Then one day he introduced me to his friend by saing, "This is my girlfriend." Whew. I could stop sweating.

Go along with it, be smitten, have fun. Hopefully things will naturally develop so you can figure out what the hell is going on, ha ha.

Edited to add: Oh crap. I neglected to read the post about when you got together with him at the bar. By the way, do you talk with him on the phone? Any plans to go out to dinner/do something not involving his music or the bar scene?

[Raynaadi]

Wow....big turn of events. Sounds like he was being all flirty too. But the no relationships thing would throw me as well.

I'd be cautious with the talking while drinking...either it will loosen his tounge and he'll speak the truth, or he'll say things he didn't mean to say....so maybe just ask him point blank when he's sober?

I hope things turn out for you!!!!! Keep us posted.

((((((( {{{{{{{ ~*Julianna*~ }}}}}}}}} )))))))))))

Some people (not judging, just commenting) think it's cool to have an opposite sex "good friend" who they can hang out with, have sex with, and have no strings attached. Sounds like you are not the type of female who would want that. But you also sound like a smart chick, so follow your mind - not your heart (hearts are notoriously dumb, and pig-headed), until he shows his heart to you, and you trust each other.

em

[Juliana]

Thanks for all the responses. I get the sense he's been hurt badly in the past and is scared... and the booze brought that out when we were having a conversation about someone else's break-up. I've been hurt badly too and I'm scared about having feelings for anybody, so it kind of sounds like the sort of thing I would blurt out after a few too many drinks.

In hindsight, I realize that there was quite a bit of discussion about my ex-boyfriend yesterday and last night. I didn't bring him up, but one of the guys who was with us is really good friends with my ex and was asking me about him and referencing stuff that had happened back when we were together. There was also some discussion amongst quite a few people about what an amazing musician my ex is. So, I'm thinking how I would feel if someone had been talking a whole lot about Mr. X's ex-girlfriend... and how amazing she is, etc. It probably wouldn't make me feel great.

He hasn't kissed me yet, but he was being flirty today. I mentioned to a colleague that perhaps he's just interested in being my friend, but she said she sees the way he watches me when I'm not looking and she said he's definitely not looking at me like a friend. She also said that she's been working with him for 3 years and he has never taken her to lunch and asked her out on the weekend or popped by her office twice a day.

We work for the same university so we were at the same event today. He told me I looked beautiful and was his usual pleasant, charming self. We sat outside together for a while and talked about music that we both like. He knew I had a lot to get done today at the event and I had been stressed out about it, so he was asking how everything went... and he told me I looked very professional and competent while I was doing everything. I told him I was feeling cranky, but he said I looked pleasant and glowing. That was good to hear because I felt really stressed while I was waiting for the media and taking photos... just feeling out of sorts through most of the day.

I'll just wait and see what happens next. We see each other every day at work. He stops by my window twice a day for a smoke break and a chat. We have only known each other for a week, but we have spent a lot of time together. I guess I'll just take my time and get to know him better -- without the booze. It really is a depressant. I know it works that way on me and that seemed to be the case with him last night.

[Raynaadi]

If I was in this situation, I'd have to just come out point blank and let the guy know I liked him.

Before Brian, I had a huge crush on someone and we hung out all the time etc. I didn't say anything, partly out of fear and partly because he's in his first year of sobriety, so I was being respectful. Everyone thought we were close to dating; everyone thought he liked me.

When it came out that he didn't, and started dating another girl, I was crushed. Since I just assumed because of the way he was acting, it broke my heart.

The next guy I hung out with, I ended up point blank telling him I was interested in him before I got the wrong impression. He told me he was flattered but only saw me as a friend. I wasn't heartbroken like I was with the first one, since I came out and made it clear what I would like before I started telling myself things in my own mind.

Thats when I made the post here about feeling like one of the guys, and then Brian asked me out, completely unexpected.

So....whats the harm in saying something like, "You know, I really like you..." then the ball is in his court, and you'll know, instead of wondering. Its a hard leap to take, but worth it for your sanity. At least thats been my experience.

[Juliana]

Thanks Rayna. I'm just so scared of doing that. I told the Brit guy I had a crush on him and got the "no sparks" e-mail. I'm not sure I'm ready to go through that again. I think I'll give it another week with Mr. X and see what happens. My ex's advice was me to be passive aggressive because that's what works for me. He said the mistake I made with the Brit guy was stepping out of character and being direct with him. He told me that scares some guys. I am glad that I found out the Brit guy wasn't interested, because I was convincing myself to be attracted to him. It was never going to turn into a relationship of substance because I can't imagine that I would ever have developed deeper feelings for him. Mr. X is quite different, however. He has a powerful effect on me and I really wish he didn't.